So, Duff's...man I miss Duff's.  It's honestly the one and only thing about NYC that I find myself going, "You know what I could go for...oh wait, I can't do that here."

Duff's is a heavy metal dive in Brooklyn.  Now, for anyone that has never been to a city, let me be the first to tell you that you've probably never been to an actual dive bar.  There are plenty of bars around Myrtle Beach that look trashy, but your odds of being stabbed in them are low.  ...Duff's...well that's a different story.

Duff's is in this neighborhood called Williamsburg.  To a certain extent, Williamsburg is the poster child of gentrification - back in the 80's, it was a center for gang violence.  Now it's mostly home to hipsters, who are significantly less likely to shoot you.  The problem is, it's not entirely home to hipsters.  Long story short, just because they aren't filming movies about gangs there anymore doesn't necessarily mean it's any safer.

And here's the kicker about gentrification - throughout the 90's, the neighborhood was a mecca for artists and musicians because of the low rent and proximity to subways.  Now that same proximity has driven rent prices so high that many artists are being forced out of the community.  Yet more tension.

So tucked away in this unstable, multicultural neighborhood is a little hole in the wall.  No, seriously.  It's a hole in the wall.  Don't believe me?

That's Duff's.  Yea, it's in that picture.  See the little "A" in the marker?  (Click on the picture for the full size image) Yea, that's the stairs, Duff's is down there.  

Join us next time, when we venture down the rabbit hole.

More musings from NYC, and ?goodbye?

So, this blog was conceived to be about my adjusting to life in New York.  Well, now I'm back home.  And it kind of failed at that job anyway - I spent so much time on schoolwork I didn't have time to adjust to NYC at all, much less blog about it.

So then what shall become of this blog?  Well, I have a notebook with a few scribbles of stories and crazy things that happened to me in the city.  I'll take what I can from that and make a few more blog entries out of that here.  After those are dried up?  Who knows?  I may find another use for this blog, or just migrate over to 42.  Speaking of which, have I mentioned that I'm also reopening that blog?  Yea, you should probably check that one out, too.  Just saying.

In the meantime, here's a bit of a teaser from a story in the aforementioned notebook.  There's an EPIC bar in Brooklyn called Duff's.  Heavy metal blasting on the speakers, heavy metal memorabilia plastered on the walls, great drinks...oh yea, and S&M gear scattered throughout the seating area...  Fun times were had.  More details in the next post!

Old News

So, just shy of a year since the last update to this page, and this one is going to be very, very different.

Before Blogger, I kept a Yahoo 360. A while back, Yahoo 360 closed it's doors, but luckily I managed to get a copy of all my old posts before they shut down. Here, in all it's unadorned glory, is my online journal from 2006-2008. Enjoy.

PS, it's in reverse chronological order.

AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for September 22, 2008
DATE: 09/22/2008 08:55:30
STATUS: publish
BODY:
I feel like I'm being pulled in 500 directions at once. Bass lessons, and my other classes, and the band (did I tell you about that? I'm in a band, playing keyboard/synth), and hanging out with friends, and Lauren...It's like everyone has suddenly decided to vie for my time. I've gotten much better at saying "no," but I've still got a full schedule, constantly.
Your friend misses you as well...I've got to come up with some time to see you. I got your text message, but Wed sucks for me all semester - I have bass lessons on Thursday. Monday I technically have off, but it's the day Kurry could call percussion sectionals (as he has today...I hate technically being in the percussion section), and it's usually an evening for rehearsal with "Noble Conquest" (yea...I didn't name the band...). *le sigh*...I'm just very tired.
And I get frustrated last night, and pissed off at the world at the football game - and packing up after the game at Edwards, I walk outside and start to hop over that half-wall right at the door...
and don't quite make it and take a header off the other side...
Yea, not fun - got smashed up pretty good. More or less everything hurts...
So, yea, I'll share a couple more stories - nothing that's a real big deal - next time I catch you online. talk to ya lata


-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tammy
DATE: 09/24/2008 14:08:21
so i'm just now checking this, but i was wondering what you were doing b/c they're playing rent (filmed from the broadway play) at the theaters tonight. but, no one could go with me, so i'm at dinner with the family.... hope you get more free time. i don't require a lot. i just need to know i can complain everyonce in a while otherwise i get super sad.
-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for September 04, 2008
DATE: 09/04/2008 05:27:49
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Today's gonna suck. But after a helluva night attempting to do a week's worth of practice and two papers, I've decided to let the chips fall where they may. Time to put to use the attitude of "professional slacking" I've so long claimed to have - if today turns out ok, then I dodge a bullet, and if it sucks....well, there's nothing more I could have done.

...And yes, Tammy, October to March is half the year...

-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for September 01, 2008
DATE: 08/31/2008 22:34:34
STATUS: publish
BODY:
I've been dead tired all day, and now I can't sleep...
It's 1:30 in the morning...at least I have tomorrow off.
Sleep for me is often a means of shutting off the brain. Even when I'm not tired, just a way of stopping the flow of thoughts when I don't want to think anymore. If I can't get something horrid out of my mind, or some foul decision or deadline looms over me...

I so want to not think right now...

I'm just glad there's no one else to talk to, for fear of what I may say.

-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for August 12, 2008
DATE: 08/12/2008 20:29:10
STATUS: publish
BODY:
By the time I got home after rehersal and meetings you had already sogned off. Sorry. Hopefully ill have more time to talk after band camp.
-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for August 12, 2008
DATE: 08/11/2008 21:59:39
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Should I?
-----
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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for August 07, 2008
DATE: 08/07/2008 17:24:56
STATUS: publish
BODY:
...alright, I wanna learn how to sing.

I want to be able to sing vocal harmony. I have recently become absolutely fascinated with it. Find a video on youtube of Indigo Girls with Sarah MacLauchlan and Jewel singing The Water is Wide, and a video of the Eagles singing Seven Bridges Road.

I wanna do that.

-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for July 11, 2008
DATE: 07/10/2008 21:48:32
STATUS: publish
BODY:
This night finds me emotionally....hollow.

-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for July 10, 2008
DATE: 07/09/2008 21:45:53
STATUS: publish
BODY:
...and then sometimes, I just don't know.

-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for April 25, 2008
DATE: 04/24/2008 23:59:43
STATUS: publish
BODY:
The Hackintosh lives!!

I have finally succeeded in installing Mac OSX on my old Dell laptop. HAHAHA! Sorry, but it's cool! I guess it's probably only cool to me 'cus I know how much work went into getting something that is not supposed to be possible to work. (In case you didn't know, Apple only lets you install OSX on Apple computers - you have to do some serious trickery to get it installed on non-apple computers).
So, yea, just had to say that - posting this from OSX running on a Dell laptop...HAHAHA!

-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for April 24, 2008
DATE: 04/24/2008 07:51:30
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Little over a week of classes, then exam week. Life's hectic and I don't know WHY! Why am I doing this, why does it suck so bad? Or does it suck so bad, or am I just being a bitch. I feel like I'm constantly complaining...but damn it, life sucks!
This whole "not having a mentor at this point in my life,"...yea, I don't like that. There's no one to give me perspective, help me figure out what to do next, listen to me bitch so I don't have to bore random people, or tell me to shut the fuck up when I'm bitching for no reason.
---
Today I get to miss symphonic band to go to a test review I missed because of the jazz concert last night, then lessons, where I will surely be chewed out, then careers class, then politics. Praise God, that when all that is over, I have a three day weekend. Unfortunately, Lauren will be busy studying all weekend.

It never works out. There's ALWAYS something...

-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for April 03, 2008
DATE: 04/03/2008 13:30:17
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Move it along people, nothing to see here
Just notes for my own sake

Here we go:
Tech Wish List, number 2

Old-skool Compaq Desktop could still use a makeover - least important
media center?
still need tv tuner and graphics card
Ram upgrade?
got big-ass harddrive
need remote and IR receiver
linuxmce?

Macbook into recording studio
keyboard and shell replacements? warranty?
Digidesign Mbox 2 - $450 on Amazon
Need firewire external harddrive
Neoprene cover for macbook

Instruments
fretless bass - Carvin?
Chapman Stick - N/S stick
small amp? mini, or just small? headphone preamp?
definitly not "just small" - either portable or headphones.
Nice headphones
Studio monitors
mics? nah, I can't see any reason I need mics now.


-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for March 22, 2008
DATE: 03/22/2008 16:04:02
STATUS: publish
BODY:
"...We don't have a fucking right not to be offended."
Praise God, someone understands this whole "politically correct" bullshit. Speaking of which, check out Penn and Teller's show, aptly titled, "Bullshit." It's all over Google Video (whole episodes) and You Tube (split up episodes). That quote was from the episode on colleges.

-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tammy
DATE: 03/27/2008 21:34:08
THANK YOU!
-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for February 21, 2008
DATE: 02/21/2008 16:31:17
STATUS: publish
BODY:
My gauge for whether my bad luck of late has been serious bad luck, or just a series of mishaps that amount to nothing was my grade on my first American Government test (which I thought I bombed on Tuesday). I got an 85. :D yea...I'll take a B...if I have to.

-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for February 11, 2008
DATE: 02/11/2008 14:46:34
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Where for art my demigod?

-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tammy
DATE: 02/11/2008 18:21:46
This one isn't on me, I'm online a lot. You never are it seems.
-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for February 07, 2008
DATE: 02/07/2008 13:15:29
STATUS: publish
BODY:
AAAhhhaAAAhahhhahAAHAHAHAHAaaa!!!!!!!!!

*breaths heavily*

*composes self*

*adopts blank expression*

*exhales in exasperation*

Two weeks
One lesson

That's how long it took me to get burned out.

I was happy. I was content. I was enjoying practicing.
Let me repeat that.
I was enjoying practicing.
And it all came crashing down.

...

I'm tired

-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for January 29, 2008
DATE: 01/29/2008 09:20:03
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Flashy and Funky.
I've noticed people describe the same things a musician plays as "flashy" or "funky." So what's the difference?

Flashy makes jaws move
Funky makes heads move

-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for January 17, 2008
DATE: 01/17/2008 15:11:57
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Wow. Got another dinosaur for Poli 201, American govt. Ancient, high-school-ish attendance policies. SHE GOT PERMISSION FROM THE DEAN TO MAKE THE ATTENDANCE POLICY UNUSUALLY STRICT.
Three, and only three, exams are the entirety of the grade, save attendance and one paper.
She's spent so much time as a bureaucrat she's annoyingly, uselessly, hyper-politically correct
Did I mention she used to be on Uncle Sam's payroll? Ex-federal employee. And she liked it.
...I hate core classes.

-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tammy
DATE: 01/17/2008 18:28:45
Goal for next post: something pleasant.
-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for January 16, 2008
DATE: 01/16/2008 15:27:17
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Wow. I hate core classes. My science teacher is a jerk.
He's mild mannered.
He's polite.
He cracks the occasional joke.


His grading policies are atrocious.
And it's not even things that would seriously hurt your grade, just minor deductions for incredibly pointless things that offend me on principle.

He claims not to worry much about attendance. Yet if you miss more than four days, each day docks you half a letter grade. No excuses.
He randomly calls on people to answer questions. No penalty for getting it wrong, but if you're not there you get a point deduced from your final grade.
So, he doesn't care - but any time you miss you have a random chance of a grade deduction. That seriously makes me mad.

O, did I mention he's going deaf.

I hate core classes.

Just about the only good thing about my schedule is that I have Gene Wilder, otherwise known as Dr Powell, for class piano - and since he knows that class is beneath me, he's going to give me other stuff to work on in that class. Not to mention he's hilarious.

Class is back in session...here we go again.

-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tammy
DATE: 01/16/2008 18:54:33
well, you don't have to worry about his answers b/c whatever he tells you will incompass both ends of the spectrum. You'll probably have a lot of stories with Gene Wilder. He's funny. I'm already going through Blake withdraw.
-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for January 13, 2008
DATE: 01/13/2008 10:03:03
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Officially incommunicado for the next three days

-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for January 08, 2008
DATE: 01/08/2008 10:36:14
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Ambition is like Tinkerbell: When you stop believing in it, it dies.

Tad Williams

-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for January 04, 2008
DATE: 01/03/2008 21:26:04
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Unlike those with autism, people with AS are not usually withdrawn around others; they approach others, even if awkwardly, for example by engaging in a one-sided, long-winded speech about an unusual topic while being oblivious to the listener's feelings or reactions, such as signs of boredom or wanting to leave.

Wikipedia's description of Asperger's Syndrome

-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for January 03, 2008
DATE: 01/03/2008 20:44:53
STATUS: publish
BODY:
I truly think I have a problem understanding people. Like I might have Asperger's Syndrome or something.
It's not that I have anything against people who are different from me. I try, I honestly try, to find truth in their point of view - but more often than not, I can't. I just don't understand people different from me. I don't hate. I don't hold a grudge. I don't even fear. I just find it incredibly difficult to understand.
I find myself using my poker skills (something I heard is common among Asperger's patients) about seeing tells and signs on people to figure out how they are feeling. I CAN'T JUST TELL - I have to figure it out! How freaked out is that.

...
Maybe it's just how I feel now. Maybe I just feel this way because I've "felt" wrong too many times in a row lately. Maybe it's all statistics and I'm just having a bad streak.
But I feel this way alot.
...


-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for December 27, 2007
DATE: 12/27/2007 13:27:51
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Class is Back in Session

Distros: Continued

Paging Dr. SuSE

OK, sorry for the bad pun, but SuSE (an acronym for Software-und System-Entwicklung, translates to "Software and System Development) could use a doctor for their business practices right about now. But we'll get to that in a moment.
The story of Suse is somewhat moot in the present Linux landscape. In short, it is dieing. Once a contender for the enterprise market against Red Hat and the long-standing champion of "user friendly," the distribution has fallen behind.
But it once was mighty, and it's mark has been left on Linux. A few innovations first seen in Suse have become or are becoming the standard. Most visibly the updated KDE menu known as "Kicker." For the audience of this book, it may suffice to say Suse has added to the community.
What is truly the realm of this book is the politics surrounding Suse in recent years. Suse, ever a commercially-minded company, was bought by Novell in early 2004. The company took Suse in a much more traditionally-commercial direction. At least, that was the impression of the public - a subsidiary of Novel (S.C.O.) did enter into some legal action that is at best questionable against individuals, and the real deal-breaker was Novel entering into an agreement with Microsoft for "protection" against supposed "copyright infringement." The open source community did not take these actions lightly.
Other than that, be aware that Suse has two different versions, much like Red Hat: a free, and a commercial version. The free version is now officially known as openSUSE. In the past is has used various capitalizations of the letters SUSE, and generally any reference to Suse refers to the free version unless otherwise specified. The paid-version now goes by Novel Linux, but is best known as SLED: Suse Linux Enterprise Desktop. There is also a Suse Linux Enterprise Server edition, which as it's name implies is designed for servers.

----

The section will fall in a different section of the book

The Linux Desktop

Microsoft had Explorer, now it's Aero. Mac OS X has Aqua. Linux has....???
Truth be told, the Desktop of Linux is something confusing to explain, and yet it is something a new Linux user needs to make an informed decision about.
The simple answer is that there are more than one desktop. The big players are GNOME and KDE. As a new user to Linux, you may reasonably restrict your choices to one of those two. KDE (which you may be disappointed to find out, merely stands for the K Desktop Environment - and "K" doesn't mean anything) has traditionally been thought of as resembling Windows Explorer too much for many Linux users. But it is very much configurable, and need not resemble Explorer. It is a powerful desktop that is capable of providing alot of functionality and alot of "eye candy," but it's easy to overdo it, causing your desktop environment to eat up alot of processing power and memory.
The other contender is GNOME. Gnome looks nothing like any desktop you are likely to be familiar with, but it functions actually quite similarly. The default setup puts the "applications" menu - analogous with a "start menu" at the top, and a dock for minimized applications at the bottom. Aside from that, it's functions will be very familiar with anyone used to graphical user interfaces.
Someone used to Explorer may encounter difficulty with GNOME when trying to alter the system settings. Whereas KDE, Explorer and Aqua all take a similar central-control approach to system settings, GNOME contains separate programs to control each aspect of the display, contained within the Appearance menu (under System in the default).

-----

Note to Tammy, the entry for Suse is a complete first draft. I know it's a bit pedantic. I was trying to balance brevity and simplicity with enough information, all without doing an abundance of research, and I think I may have been chasing too many rabbits.
The entry on the desktops is incomplete, but I think I'm finished with KDE and GNOME. I haven't decided whether or not to continue it to other desktops - I think 2 may be enough.

-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for December 24, 2007
DATE: 12/24/2007 17:09:21
STATUS: publish
BODY:
So, I'm pretty sure Mom is mad at me. I was trying to have a discussion about what to do when you get presents you hate. She, disagreeing with me, gets all defensive. Doesn't help matters when I'm oblivious for a good five minutes to her being mad and think it's a debate - so my tone gets pretty strong...O joy. Merry f'in Christmas.

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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for December 23, 2007
DATE: 12/22/2007 21:35:19
STATUS: publish
BODY:
I am the happiest, overall, I've been in as long as I can remember - possibly in my whole life.

My friend's on the other hand, seem to be going through some of the most dramatic, and in many cases saddest, times of their lives.

A love pentagon?

Two people involved in an amazing journey who don't know how to slow down and enjoy the ride.
...Granted, it's an incredibly painful journey, but it could be painful and fun if you'd pay attention to your surroundings instead of just your personal pain.

I started to type "I wish I could write more here"...out of reflex. But I don't really. For my part, I have things under control. I could have cussed her out tonight (not Lauren...part of the aforementioned "love pentagon"). She probably deserved to be cussed out. But it's not my place to judge, and I kept my tongue on my own opinions I told her the truth, without being mean, but also without pulling any punches. The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth (and "nothing" means without my very strong personal feelings). I was proud of that.

The only sad part is that I don't think she heard me. O, her ears picked up what I said, her brain processed the sounds into word, maybe she even understood what I was trying to get across. But she didn't hear. She won't take my advice. And if that is the case, and everyone else manages to stay objective (which may well not happen) then she will inevitably, eventually, be left alone. Because she is incapable of just being the friend. That makes me sad - for him and her.

-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for December 17, 2007
DATE: 12/16/2007 22:07:50
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Sleep

is a means of turning the brain off.

-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for December 16, 2007
DATE: 12/16/2007 12:39:54
STATUS: publish
BODY:
"Not all who wander are lost"

...

"All you have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to you"

----
Interesting quotes, both from JRR Tolkien, by way of the Lord of the Rings series.

Interesting to ponder on now.
Life is not as it should be, but all is not bad.

I'm home.

And that means so is she.

*sigh*

Those quotes...they remind me of my life. They very quickly put into perspective two things which putting into balance plagues me: the simplicity and finite nature of my life, and my desires to make something grand out of that life.
"Not all who wander are lost"
Tammy will remember, but Lauren may or may not know of the urges I got in high school to leave. Just...leave. Go far far away and never come back.
And now I try to put this into perspective with Lauren. On the one hand, she doesn't particularly care for New York - once my idea of as far away from home as possible. But on the other hand...she wants to live in Australia - literally the other side of the world. Hows that for irony?
aahhhh, Melbourne - you may well be my future home. I can deal with that. :D I will miss NYC though - but there's something exciting about a place more exotic. An adventure, and still a city...

"All you have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to you."
My wild dreams. My desire to change the world.
...
That's such a loaded quote.
You cannot do more than one mortal life will allow.
You have a charge to do ALL that one mortal life will allow.
Or at least thats how I feel. And it is, I think, something I should keep in mind more often.

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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for December 11, 2007
DATE: 12/10/2007 21:20:49
STATUS: publish
BODY:
It's strange to think that there was once a time when I was so emotionally starved I longed for bad things to happen just to feel something. I feel that feeling now - that feeling I longed for then. It's not nearly as entertaining when you aren't starved for emotion. Actually, it pretty much sucks.

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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for December 11, 2007
DATE: 12/10/2007 21:18:10
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Where o where art my demi-god?

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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for November 26, 2007
DATE: 11/26/2007 20:00:39
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Get


Lessons


Over


With

-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tammy
DATE: 11/29/2007 18:28:03
I'll go to your lessons if you go to work for me
-----
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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for November 23, 2007
DATE: 11/23/2007 19:07:46
STATUS: publish
BODY:
So, once again I find myself hating lessons. I've had to compose a solo and transcribe basslines off a recording over this break, and it's driving me insane. I've finished the solo, but I know I'm gonna get blasted for it because...well, it breaks some asinine rules of Jazz. A musical form that's supposed to have no rules.
Some of my first interest in jazz was that it was so free, and here I am trying to learn some ephemeral rules for no apparent purpose. As a matter of fact, Bailey's first interest in me was that I was breaking rules shredding through a solo at State Jazz Festival.

What I would love to do is merely write my own music...I have rediscovered today how much I love composing. Speaking of which, I told you about that song I'm writing. I've been debating the romance/cheesyness of naming it "Us (formerly 'You and Me')" instead of "Lauren." If it eventually ends up being a song with lyrics, it will almost certainly be called Lauren...but if it's an instrumental, I kinda like the idea of naming it "Us." And I like the subtitle, too - the implication being that the song was formerly titled "You and Me," which it obviously wasn't, but that's the point. I dunno, I find it amusing, and I can't decide if it's because it's deep or because it's cheesy.

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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for November 15, 2007
DATE: 11/15/2007 08:58:27
STATUS: publish
BODY:
O where O where can my demi-god be?

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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for November 05, 2007
DATE: 11/05/2007 21:07:46
STATUS: publish
BODY:
I have recently started noticing the idea of "romanticizing" evil things:
People dressed as Medieval demons (horns and pitchforks, etc)
The ubiquity of sex in the media
How romantic Vampires are in movies
etc

And as I'm having this crisis of faith, and I know recently I've had a penchant for getting overly upset about little things, now I'm worried about every symbol of evil I see and I'm completely unable to enjoy things that shouldn't bother me.
Halloween was hell.

Thus far I've managed to keep anyone else from noticing this little inner turmoil. It's very confusing to me. I really don't know where to go from here. Who do you ask to find out if it's a sin to dress little girls in devil costumes for Halloween?
The question really becomes, does the romanticizing of evil make it easier to accept evil acts? Or maybe it just makes the distinction harder to make.



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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for November 05, 2007
DATE: 11/05/2007 00:06:31
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Something of a crisis of faith recently. Trying to reconcile my beliefs about life with my beliefs about God and what is true and how do you know...and if can't tell from that senseless sentence, getting very confused.

What does it take to get into Heaven?
If you live an amazing life with strong faith in God, but all for the selfish reason of going to Heaven, does that make it all a sin?
If I consciously continually commit a specific sin, will I eventually stop being forgiven? And does searching for understanding count as "an excuse" to keep sinning?
I feel like life is a class I don't understand, all preparing for Judgement, which is a test I haven't studied for. I don't like this feeling. Do you really "get credit for trying?"

Again I say, "painfully self-aware" seems like a good description for me.

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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for October 18, 2007
DATE: 10/18/2007 07:48:53
STATUS: publish
BODY:
This one's not for you, Tammy - It's a ToDo list for when I wipe my computer and install the new version of Ubuntu that came out today.

Before wiping computer, burn copy of amd64 and i386 cd
Skype
Multimedia codecs and libdvdcss
Firefox
Pidgin
Avahi Zeroconf
Kget
kchmviewer
vim-full
updates to k3b
BACKUP SOURCES.LIST
Java and Flash
Timidity and a notation program (noteedit)
mp3 for k3b

sudo apt-get install libk3b2-mp3

The script for 7.04 is as follows

#!/bin/bash
# Post-Install Automation for Kubuntu 7.04

# Check if the script is being run as root exit if it is not.
if [ "$UID" -ne "0" ]
then
echo "[ERROR] This script must be run as root"
exit 1
fi
sudo cp /etc/apt/sources.list /etc/apt/sources,list_backup
echo "## See http://help.ubuntu.com/community/UpgradeNotes for how to upgrade to" > /etc/apt/sources.list
echo "## newer versions of the distribution." >> /etc/apt/sources.list
echo "" >> /etc/apt/sources.list
echo "## Add comments (##) in front of any line to remove it from being checked. " >> /etc/apt/sources.list
echo "## Use the following sources.list at your own risk. " >> /etc/apt/sources.list
echo "" >> /etc/apt/sources.list
echo "## Uncomment deb-src if you wish to download the source packages" >> /etc/apt/sources.list
echo "" >> /etc/apt/sources.list
echo "## If you have a install CD you can add it to the reposity using 'apt-cdrom add'" >> /etc/apt/sources.list
echo "## which will add a line similar to the following:" >> /etc/apt/sources.list
echo "#deb cdrom:[Ubuntu 7.04 _Feisty Fawn_ - Beta i386 (20070322.1)]/ feisty main restricted" >> /etc/apt/sources.list
echo "deb http://us.archive.ubuntu.com/ubuntu/ feisty main restricted" >> /etc/apt/sources.list
echo "#deb-src http://us.archive.ubuntu.com/ubuntu/ feisty main restricted" >> /etc/apt/sources.list
echo "" >> /etc/apt/sources.list
echo "## Major bug fix updates produced after the final release of the" >> /etc/apt/sources.list
echo "## distribution." >> /etc/apt/sources.list
echo "deb http://us.archive.ubuntu.com/ubuntu/ feisty-updates main restricted" >> /etc/apt/sources.list
echo "#deb-src http://us.archive.ubuntu.com/ubuntu/ feisty-updates main restricted" >> /etc/apt/sources.list
echo "" >> /etc/apt/sources.list
echo "## N.B. software from this repository is ENTIRELY UNSUPPORTED by the Ubuntu" >> /etc/apt/sources.list
echo "## team, and may not be under a free licence. Please satisfy yourself as to" >> /etc/apt/sources.list
echo "## your rights to use the software. Also, please note that software in" >> /etc/apt/sources.list
echo "## universe WILL NOT receive any review or updates from the Ubuntu security" >> /etc/apt/sources.list
echo "## team." >> /etc/apt/sources.list
echo "deb http://us.archive.ubuntu.com/ubuntu/ feisty universe" >> /etc/apt/sources.list
echo "#deb-src http://us.archive.ubuntu.com/ubuntu/ feisty universe" >> /etc/apt/sources.list
echo "" >> /etc/apt/sources.list
echo "## N.B. software from this repository is ENTIRELY UNSUPPORTED by the Ubuntu" >> /etc/apt/sources.list
echo "## team, and may not be under a free licence. Please satisfy yourself as to" >> /etc/apt/sources.list
echo "## your rights to use the software. Also, please note that software in" >> /etc/apt/sources.list
echo "## multiverse WILL NOT receive any review or updates from the Ubuntu" >> /etc/apt/sources.list
echo "## security team." >> /etc/apt/sources.list
echo "deb http://us.archive.ubuntu.com/ubuntu/ feisty multiverse" >> /etc/apt/sources.list
echo "#deb-src http://us.archive.ubuntu.com/ubuntu/ feisty multiverse" >> /etc/apt/sources.list
echo "" >> /etc/apt/sources.list
echo "## Uncomment the following two lines to add software from the 'backports'" >> /etc/apt/sources.list
echo "## repository." >> /etc/apt/sources.list
echo "## N.B. software from this repository may not have been tested as" >> /etc/apt/sources.list
echo "## extensively as that contained in the main release, although it includes" >> /etc/apt/sources.list
echo "## newer versions of some applications which may provide useful features." >> /etc/apt/sources.list
echo "## Also, please note that software in backports WILL NOT receive any review" >> /etc/apt/sources.list
echo "## or updates from the Ubuntu security team." >> /etc/apt/sources.list
echo "deb http://us.archive.ubuntu.com/ubuntu/ feisty-backports main restricted universe multiverse" >> /etc/apt/sources.list
echo "#deb-src http://us.archive.ubuntu.com/ubuntu/ feisty-backports main restricted universe multiverse" >> /etc/apt/sources.list
echo "" >> /etc/apt/sources.list
echo "deb http://security.ubuntu.com/ubuntu feisty-security main restricted" >> /etc/apt/sources.list
echo "#deb-src http://security.ubuntu.com/ubuntu feisty-security main restricted" >> /etc/apt/sources.list
echo "deb http://security.ubuntu.com/ubuntu feisty-security universe" >> /etc/apt/sources.list
echo "#deb-src http://security.ubuntu.com/ubuntu feisty-security universe" >> /etc/apt/sources.list
echo "deb http://security.ubuntu.com/ubuntu feisty-security multiverse" >> /etc/apt/sources.list
echo "#deb-src http://security.ubuntu.com/ubuntu feisty-security multiverse" >> /etc/apt/sources.list
echo "" >> /etc/apt/sources.list
echo "## PLF REPOSITORY (Unsupported. May contain illegal packages. Use at own risk.)" >> /etc/apt/sources.list
echo "## Medibuntu - Ubuntu 7.04 "feisty fawn"" >> /etc/apt/sources.list
echo "## Please report any bug on https://launchpad.net/products/medibuntu/+bugs" >> /etc/apt/sources.list
echo "deb http://medibuntu.sos-sts.com/repo/ feisty free non-free" >> /etc/apt/sources.list
echo "#deb-src http://medibuntu.sos-sts.com/repo/ feisty free non-free" >> /etc/apt/sources.list
echo "" >> /etc/apt/sources.list
echo "## CANONICAL COMMERCIAL REPOSITORY (Hosted on Canonical servers, not Ubuntu" >> /etc/apt/sources.list
echo "## servers. RealPlayer10, Opera, DesktopSecure and more to come.) " >> /etc/apt/sources.list
echo "deb http://archive.canonical.com/ubuntu feisty-commercial main" >> /etc/apt/sources.list
echo "" >> /etc/apt/sources.list
echo "## enlightenment e17 beta, use at your own risk" >> /etc/apt/sources.list
echo "## E17 is in Beta and may break or break your system" >> /etc/apt/sources.list
echo "#deb http://edevelop.org/pkg-e/ubuntu feisty e17" >> /etc/apt/sources.list
echo "#deb http://e17.dunnewind.net/ubuntu feisty e17" >> /etc/apt/sources.list
echo "#deb-src http://edevelop.org/pkg-e/ubuntu feisty e17" >> /etc/apt/sources.list
aptitude update
aptitude -y install sun-java6-jre sun-java6-plugin sun-java6-fonts
aptitude -y install flashplugin-nonfree
aptitude -y install ubuntu-restricted-extras libxine-extracodecs gstreamer0.10-plugins-base gstreamer0.10-plugins-good \
gstreamer0.10-plugins-bad gstreamer0.10-pitfdll
aptitude -y install w32codecs
aptitude -y install libdvdread3
/usr/share/doc/libdvdread3/install-css.sh
aptitude -y install totem-xine
aptitude -y install libdvdcss2
aptitude -y install timidity
echo "snd-seq-device" >> /etc/apt/modules
echo "snd-seq-midi" >> /etc/apt/modules
echo "snd-seq-oss" >> /etc/apt/modules
echo "snd-seq-midi-event" >> /etc/apt/modules
echo "snd-seq" >> /etc/apt/modules
perl -pi -e 's/#TIM_ALSASEQ=true/TIM_ALSASEQ=true/g' /etc/default/timidity
aptitude -y install ntfs-config
aptitude -y upgrade



-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tammy
DATE: 10/18/2007 18:33:37
wow
-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for October 09, 2007
DATE: 10/09/2007 07:14:44
STATUS: publish
BODY:
It's times like today I hate private lessons. I have had a pretty good week. I think I've struck a good balance between work and fun. And yet Tuesday rolls around, and I know I'm not prepared. I pride myself on being able to prepare for school work. I kinda miss standardized tests... how sad is that?
I'm ready to get this lesson over with. I'm going to be fussed at, and I want it over so I can go on about my life for another week.
I think I've decided against Crown. I would love to be able to say I had done a div I corps. I would love to belong that family. But marching band is not my life anymore. And I think what I should be doing with my time is something towards my dreams. Now I just have to figure out how to go about that.

-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for October 08, 2007
DATE: 10/07/2007 21:37:21
STATUS: publish
BODY:
So, I've had this running around in my head lately, so I figured I might as well write it (err...type it) here. I doubt Tammy will find it very interesting, but there's a philosophical point in here that may be worth a good debate eventually.

So, remember that media gizmo I was talking about a while back? The Archos 605 wifi that I'm essentially assured for Christmas? Well, that's still on. But I've also more than likely talked mom into buying me a Mac.
Now, I've got good reason to want a Mac, I think. I need a computer to write music on, and I can't stand Windows, and the only operating system with good music notation programs are Windows and Mac OSX. The only computer that will run Mac OSX is an Apple computer.
Which, is awesome. I think that will be absoultly amazing. I'll have a great portable media player, as well as a darn good laptop. To top it all off, I should be able to use the media player as an external harddrive for the laptop. Plus the laptop is relatively small (13 inch screen) which is exactly what I want - portability.
Now, here's the rub. I hate Apple. I think their business model is despicable and the whole reason I discovered Archos was that I was looking for an alternative to the iPod. Apple is the ultimate in restriction - only Apple computers can run Apple software. BUT...in another sense, a Mac means freedom for me. It's the only way I can run Mac OSX, plus I can run Linux or even Windows or whatever else I want to on it. Essentially, this computer would mean complete freedom to run whatever operating system I want, and through the magic of internet piracy, whatever programs I want. Yet, it's the ultimate evil proprietary hardware. O what tangled webs we weave.
O well, when I put Ubuntu on it, it will relieve most of my guilty conscious.

PEACE

-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tammy
DATE: 10/08/2007 18:57:02
Okay, so I'm going to comment on all your blogs at once since you decided to write a whole bunch since i gave up on you writing. For some reason your problem with apple and stuff reminded me of my problem with people being lately. They're so open minded, they're closed minded. I was trying to explain it, but it really didn't work so this would be where you nod your head and smile. On to the crown blog. I would suggest you go. I regret not buckling down and doing it. I'd vote against crown as the core, but definately yes for dci. It's a story and an experience. There are going to be negative aspects of it, of course, but I'm sure they wouldn't out weigh the good. And the other blog, I sorta understand the shitty lessons, but then I didn't really practice but the lessons going badly didn't improve my attitude towards practicing. Glad classes are easy for you, leaves room for practicing i suppose. I hope everything is working out in the love life. I'm always there to listen. I think that's it. I miss talking to you, but I'm kinda glad we haven't because I'd probably just bitch most the time and that's no fun.
-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for October 04, 2007
DATE: 10/04/2007 07:14:03
STATUS: publish
BODY:
So...in just under two months, if things go according to what has been planned, I'll be in Rock Hill at camp for Carolina Crown. In the past, the problem has been money. This year I think we'll be able to cover the expenses.
But I've been talking to Pyro and Juvan (a freshman) both of whom marched Crown last season. And I'm not sure I'm up to the work. I'm not sure I care about marching band enough to spend my summer in blood sweat and tears when I will be nigh' 21. It's my last year before I age out. Will I regret spending this money on something I won't enjoy (sleeping, or rather not sleeping, on a bus for three months comes to mind) or will I regret never marching a div I corps?

-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for October 03, 2007
DATE: 10/03/2007 08:50:34
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Life...well, I'm not really sure how life has been. I haven't had a chance to slow down and think about it much.
I was really irritated recently at bass lessons. It felt like alot of work and not alot of progress. I dreaded practicing, and since I didn't practice enough I dreaded lessons. It's not so bad now, I've had a couple of good lessons in a row despite not practicing much. I think the rest of the semester in lessons will be ok.
As for the love life...well, it was a little rocky there for a while, but it's gonna be ok. I won't say much more about that.
Academics...well, I suppose I should consider myself lucky that my classes are easy. I set the curve on my last politics test, and I don't even go to 1/3 of my math classes (every three weeks we have a Master Class on Tuesday and Thursday at that time) and I still make good grades on the tests. So the only thing I have to concentrate on is bass lessons - which is work enough.
I miss talking to my demi-god. I know I haven't been online alot lately. We should go get something to eat sometime. NEway, I'll talk to ya later.
PEACE

-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for September 11, 2007
DATE: 09/11/2007 07:01:48
STATUS: publish
BODY:
...Six Years.



For many, it's the anniversary of a tragedy - and indeed, I have not forgotten, and I still feel pain when I think about the lives lost. But what is always in the forefront of my mind when I think about the attacks on the Pentagon and the World Trade Center is that this war has been going on for 6 years.



And what have we to show for it?



And yet what has been lost?
-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for September 11, 2007
DATE: 09/10/2007 22:20:53
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Late at night, when things are quiet...and I am tired, and the mental armor comes down...I find myself saddened. Saddened that no one and nothing seems to be able to get along. There is fighting a feuding and bickering, even within the most benign and well-intentioned groups (there's currently a backlash in the Linux community again Ubuntu since now it has grown so popular some feel all the rest of the world sees is Ubuntu).

There's an economic recession just down the pipe.

Men cannont stop killing other men. And to what end? But...would any end justify killing?





...



...



I see a different crowd of Freshmen music majors at coastal this year. They are more like I think I was when fresh out of high school - I don't know how exactly to explain it, but one of the characteristics is they are generally "darker." Which, while it sucks that they are sad like I was (and still am) it is heartening to know that there are people following our generation (because I feel like my age is the youngest in a generation, and anyone a few years younger than me is the start of a new one) are thinking about the world, too...it's just sad that they see what I see, and so hurt like I hurt.
-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for September 10, 2007
DATE: 09/10/2007 07:13:38
STATUS: publish
BODY:
So, life lately...

Well...I can't say it's been "boring," 'cus I've been working my ass off lately. And I can't say it's been interesting, because it hasn't. It's just been busy. Class, marching band, Lauren, and lots and lots and lots of bass practice. And even all that practice has been not nearly enough.

Tammy has already heard about my recent interest in a fairly new type of gizmo - the "personal internet device," or "internet tablet," or a bunch of other things depending on who you ask. But, for the sake of archiving, might as well put it here. The search started with finding an alternative to the iPod, since I refuse to do business with Apple. Eventually I found out that devices kinda like an iPod Video, only with wifi, only cost a little more than an equivalent iPod. So I did some research, and found the Archos 605 wifi 80Gb. The short version is, I am now pretty much assured to get this for Christmas. But some further research shows that, while it will be exactly what I want "for fun," internet tablets also have the potential to make work alot easier on me (which is sorta what they were first designed for - they're a descendent of the Palm Pilot). So I found the Nokia n800 Internet Tablet, which with it's faster internet browsing and bluetooth (and therefore bluetooth keyboard) looks like it would be better for work. So now I'm thinking that I may let mom buy me the Archos, and me myself buy the Nokia.

So, yea, that's about life. The next release of Ubuntu is less than a month away, and there are several updates slated to be right on it's heels - so hopefully that will hold me over until Christmas. Now then, lets see if I can get all my practicing done before Master Class on Tuesday...once I get done with Conducting and Form and Analysis. Joy. Adieu.


-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: The Truth Must Be Told
DATE: 08/28/2007 16:36:48
STATUS: publish
BODY:
But is the truth enough? The vast majority of America and the rest of the world has figured out that G.W. is an idiot, the current administration has screwed up, and this war must end. But what is being done about it? Why is there no march on Washington? Why are the people not in the streets? Why are the voices not being raised?

As I write this I am listening to Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr's speech "Why I am Opposed to the War in Vietnam," and I am envious. I am envious of being in a time when there was such a clear way to protest. Part of me wishes I was alive then instead of now - maybe I could have done some good, one more body in the Million Man March, and one more seat in the Dinner Sit In Movement. And instead I am in the 21st Century - the information age, and yet the average American knows nothing of Middle Eastern politics.

"There are those seeking to equate dissent with disloyalty." Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tammy
DATE: 08/29/2007 21:33:05
So I don't really have much to say about the politics thing. I'm reading this random book I picked up in Barnes and Noble because I got a gift card there. Anyways, it's about a boarding school and the headmaster taught history at Yale beforehand. And he made an argument (like seriously believed the argument) that peaceful protests were useless. I was like WTF? I kept thinking about why that was wrong and I was like, hmmm, maybe Blake has rubbed off on me and I'm a hippie in hiding (literally thought that about an hour ago). Tammy hasn't been online much b/c chasaty has control of the computer when I wake up until I leave for work. Then she's normally on when I get home. I kinda chose not to fight so that means very little computer time for tammy. Which sucks because all my friends are either gone or busy. That might explain reading two books in one night. Uhhh, getting depressed again. I'm going to go. Hope you had a good birthday.
-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for August 28, 2007
DATE: 08/28/2007 12:48:52
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Where for art Tammy?
-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for August 28, 2007
DATE: 08/28/2007 07:56:01
STATUS: publish
BODY:
So, we're off to the races again. At least class isn't so bad, and several of the freshmen in band are cool (several of them are also music majors, so for once there are interesting people coming into the music department). Conducting is going to be fun, but supremely weird. The first day I walked into class about 10 minutes late (parking SUCKS this year) and they were all standing up, doing this body movement. Everyone was just observing Dr Johnson and mimicking him - so I followed suit. At first I didn't know what they were doing, and then I Dr Johnson changed the movement one more time and I recognized it - "OOOHHHHHH - Tai Chi!!!" So apparently conducting is at least partly based on Tai Chi.

Form and Analysis is the same old song and dance. I kinda feel bad for Dr Hamilton. Seriously, I think the man is a genius...but he couldn't control a classroom if his life depended on it. But, I get to ask him music questions when I have them - they just have nothing to do with the lecture - so I guess it works out.

My politics class...ehh..I'm not sure if I'm gonna like this class or not (I say "this class," because I'm in it right now). The teacher seems interesting, and knowledgeable - but also a bit neurotic and sounds for all the world like Woody Allen, despite the fact that he doesn't look Jewish at all. He did, however, just suggest everyone in the class throw their television away, so he just got 5 points from me. He's also horribly bashing the news given to Americans, and not being kind to international news sources either - more points from me. But he's made his point - the news sucks, but NPR isn't bad and the Associated Press is generally true if not interesting. Dear God don't let him talk about this all class...

The Bursar's office screwed me over, and in about 15 minutes I get to find out if Bailey will give me a lesson despite the fact that I'm not officially signed up for his class because the Bursar's Office dropped it from my schedule without telling me. O joy. But at least this class is winding down.
-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for August 21, 2007
DATE: 08/21/2007 07:30:38
STATUS: publish
BODY:
So, between moving in, setting my dorm up, helping Lauren move in, and band camp I haven't had time for much else. My room is still not organized. BTW - my wireless is set up now, I saw your blog entry about waiting on me to set it up. Still doesn't work quite right.
As for the entry on contractions - Yankees, and for that matter Englishmen, be damned. I speak American, which is an entirely different language from "the King's English." English is by nature static, unchanging. It's strength is it's standard. American is cosmopolitan. Ever changing. Slang IS the standard, and technical lingo gets invented here. Contract whatever the hell you want, and the Yankees'll figure it out eventually. Don't blame them too much for being slow to catch on.
It is a bitch that Chas smokes and you get sick. Not cool.
And the movie will never be better than the book. Need proof? One word - Beowulf. The movie isn't even in previews yet, and you can already tell it's gonna be a steaming pile. It takes real talent to screw up one of the greatest stories ever written down. That's Hollywood for you.

-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for August 02, 2007
DATE: 08/02/2007 11:45:40
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Alright Tammy, this one's completely not for you - as if the last couple have been. It's nearing the end of this run of work, and now I'm starting to figure out what to do with my earnings, and how much I get to spend as I wish and what goes towards bills, gas, etc. So here's idea number one, and the beginnings of a budget to go along with it.



Turn the old desktop into a double duty machine:

Media Center:

Basic requirements -

TV Tuner PCI card

Two coaxial cables



Optional additions -

Much larger harddrive, perhaps dedicated harddrive

DVD burner





Home Studio:

Basic requirements -

High end sound card

Instrument input

Upgraded RAM



Optional additions -

Much faster, perhaps dedicated harddrive

---

Alright, here we go



ATI All-in-Wonder 256Mb graphics card - $179.99 (newegg.com)

Coaxial Cable, x2 ~ $ 20.00

320 GB, 7200 RPM harddrive - $125.99 (archmemory.com)

HP dvd1040i 20x DVD burner - $ 69 (direct from HP.com)

512Mb DDR2 RAM x2 ~ $100

Audiophile 192 sound card - $199.95 (direct from M audio)

---

$694.93



Dream machine, almost $700. By the time you get done with tax and shipping, I'm sure it will be a good bit over that. I might can do that...but that's pushing it. Downgrading the harddrive to $250GB cuts that by about $50. I most likely have a couple coaxial cables somewhere, or some I can snatch from the garage. That's another $20. Puts me north of $600 - probably $650, all told. That's more like what I had budgeted.



So the other option is to eliminate the idea of the media center, much as I hate it. That'll kill almost $200. Putting me in the neighborhood of $500.
-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for August 01, 2007
DATE: 08/01/2007 20:58:36
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Well, I've had the upgraded RAM in for a couple days now, and the laptop is purring like a kitten. Previously, to run all the "eye candy" and visual effects, I basically had to shut everything down except that - which defeats the purpose, since the whole idea behind it is to improve function (with improved looks being gravy). But now it handles just about anything and everything I throw at it, all at the same time, and keeps on truckin'. It's not more powerful, or looks better, but what RAM helps you do is more stuff at the same time, and your computer stays stable. Hurray for eye candy being the rule and not the exception now. Now if I could only iron out those wrinkles with Finale...



Where for art my Tammy?
-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for August 01, 2007
DATE: 07/31/2007 22:53:32
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Success!! RAM upgraded from 512Mb to 1.25Gb. Blake happy. Didn't completely solve my issue with Finale, but I'm getting there. My old klunker runs alot happier now. Blake happy. Still work to be done. Goodnight.
-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for July 30, 2007
DATE: 07/30/2007 19:54:54
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Ok, so I didn't have a chance to get the RAM - that's a project for sometime during the course of this week - but I am now officially pissed at Sound System. I picked up my bass today, finally, since they were closed the last few times I've had the chance to do. Guess how much the maintenance cost?





$95





After having to ask for an estimate, getting told it would cost "probably less than $50," not getting informed that this had changed, and then the repair was sub par? (Not that I would ask them to look at it again - they're not touching my baby anymore)



Blake is mad.
-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for July 30, 2007
DATE: 07/30/2007 10:23:21
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Well, I just recently found out how easy it is to upgrade the RAM in a laptop. Until recently I thought just about any repair or upgrade to a laptop was akin to brain surgery due to the fact that you have to damn near take the whole thing apart to get at the motherboard since laptops are not designed to be easy to work on like desktops. But it turns out laptop makers did do two things for the computer hobbyist - the two most commonly upgraded components are easily accessable. And, of course, at the same time I find out my aging (2 years old) laptop is extremely deficient in RAM. So, it's off to Best Buy, and later on to put this newfound skill to the test. If you don't hear from me in a couple days, call, and if I don't answer call an ambulance!
-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for July 30, 2007
DATE: 07/29/2007 21:48:31
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Cogito ergo doleo



I heard someone describe Elphaba from The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West as "painfully self aware." Is it strange that I feel that way? Painfully self aware? Another man, a wise man, put it this way; "It is the burden of knowing." Why must I worry about things like this? Would my life be any easier if I just didn't worry about these things, or would it just bite me in the end anyway?
-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for July 27, 2007
DATE: 07/27/2007 21:02:45
STATUS: publish
BODY:
"...like trying to get colors to agree in the dark."



Stumbled across this little snipped on the cover of some book at BAM today. At first it sounds like an empty metaphor - a group of words that means nothing. But think about it. How exactly do colors "agree"? And even if they could agree, how would they do it in the dark since colors requires light? And does it even matter in the dark?



I couldn't help but look at this and compare it to a quandary that's been going on in my life lately. Just exactly how do you put to pieces together when you can't see the puzzle?
-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for July 24, 2007
DATE: 07/23/2007 22:55:31
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Dr Gene Scott (look him up):



[this after a rather lengthy grammar lesson on the differences between Greek and the King James Version, he comes to a point where the simply is no proper English way to say what the Greek says]



"You cannot righteousify yourself"



I feel like I should have a commentary on this, but I don't. It is complete to me. It makes a striking point very succinctly. And with that I am going to bed.
-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for July 23, 2007
DATE: 07/23/2007 11:41:26
STATUS: publish
BODY:
I am what I am.



Damn it.



Deal with it.



My moment of weakness if over.



The defiant one has returned.



I'm so bloody sick and tired of not being able to turn a corner, read a webpage or carry on a conversation without being remind of the fact that I'm just not good enough. I'm not strong enough. I'm not reliable enough. My endowment isn't big enough. I'm not handsome enough. FUCK YOU ALL. I am defiant, and annoying, and argumentative, and I WILL NOT CHANGE.



And that's liberating. I will judge myself against no man nor against any man's standard. Can you deal with that?
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tammy
DATE: 07/23/2007 19:25:59
I LOVE MY BLAKE! I'm hoping that I don't fall into that category, but if I do, I don't mean to. I pick on you b/c you aren't "typical" male. But, if you were a typical male, I wouldn't be friends with you and wouldn't love you t death. Can't really comment on how well endowed you are, haven't seen it and don't really have much to compare it to. I have some stories to share, just can't remember them.
-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for July 14, 2007
DATE: 07/14/2007 20:51:28
STATUS: publish
BODY:
So, Linux 101 - class is in session.



What is Linux? Linux is an operating system. What is an operating system, you ask? Well, Windows is an operating system. So is Mac. But wait, don't you need those? That's what a computer is...isn't it?

Well, in short, no! Windows and MacOS are operating systems that run on your computer. Someone, somewhere along the line had to install them. And you can just as easily remove them.(1) Yes, ladies and gentlemen, there is life after Windows.

So, that question still doesn't have a decent answer: What is an operating system? Wikipedia says "An operating system (OS) is a set of computer programs that manage the hardware and software resources of a computer." Well, what's that supposed to mean? The simple answer is that an operating system is the "engine" that runs your computer. So just like there are different types of engines for cars, there are different types of engines for computers, and just like you can overhaul a car you can "overhaul" your computer.



A (very) Brief History of the (free software) Universe

Back in the 80's, a student at the University of Helinski named Linus Torvolds started writing a kernel as a personal project. (2) Around the same time another man named Richard Stallman was spearheading a project to create an operating system called GNU. (3) Turns out right as Linus' kernel was in working order, the GNU project had a working system missing only a kernel. It was a match made in Free Software heaven.

But, wait, how did an operating system called GNU and a kernel by someone named Linus end up called Linux? Well, that's a quirk of the free software community. Linus made his kernel "free software" so that it could be combined with the GNU software and worked with the GNU project to make a viable operating system.. But somehow in the ensuing years, the people that used the newly created system latched onto the name "Linux," which was the name given to Linus' files on a server by the administrator. In other words, it just kinda happened. Some distributions of Linux, and the Free Software Foundation, feel the proper name of the combination of GNU and the Linux kernel is "GNU/Linux" and insist that these operating systems be referred to as such. This book will use the term "Linux" to refer to operating systems based on a Linux kernel, unless otherwise specified.



Putting the Cart Before the Horse

Alright, so it was necessary to say all that, but some of it probably went over a few heads. What's "free software," and why is it such a big deal? Don't I download programs for free all the time? And what's a "distribution"? Well, free software is not so much software that is free of charge, but software that is free to use any way you like. Some of the community make the distinction by referring to "free of charge" software as software gratis or "free as in free beer" and "free" software as software libre or "free as in free speech.” (4) The fundamental difference is that free software gives away how it works (the source code) and proprietary software does not.

A Linux distribution is merely a collection of software based on the Linux kernel. There are numerous distributions with various goals and philosophies which will be explored later.

More Than You Can Chew?

So, by now I'm sure you've seen the reasoning behind this "survival guide." The Free Software landscape is complex. But it is NOT too complex for you. This guide is written to help you navigate this landscape. There are plenty of other places you could go to learn everything there is to know about GNU and Linux. This is to "scratch the surface" and give you enough information to make an informed decision if you are considering trying it out.

(1) You can even buy computers that come with Linux preinstalled. More on this later

(2) A kernel is the most basic part of an operating system. It's what directly communicates with the hardware in your computer.

(3) GNU is a recursive acronym for Gnu's Not Unix. Linux (or, GNU/Linux if you will) is in a family of operating systems called "unix-like."

(4) Software libre and software gratis are neither mutually exclusive nor inseparable. Most non-enterprise Linux distributions are both. Most enterprise Linux distributions are software libre, but not software gratis. Most proprietary software is neither, but certain kinds called “freeware” are software gratis but not software libre.





Linux 102: Distribution Confusion

What do a fedora, a mandrake, mint and a gentoo have in common? They're all Linux distributions. We've discussed that a distribution is a collection of software on top of the Linux kernel. Different distributions serve different purposes, different target audiences, have different philosophies and different project leaders.

For a period of time, Red Hat was the de facto standard. Were you to walk past a cubicle in a corporation and see a computer not running a Microsoft operating system, it almost certainly would have been Red Hat. Red Hat was one of the first distributions to make a concerted effort to make a desktop-friendly (as opposed to geek only, server only) distribution and have a business model to provide the financial backing for such a large project.

Red Hat made money.

On software that was freely available.

Using no underhanded business practices.

The world was listening.

Around 2003, just after the release of Red Hat 9, there was a split in the product. Red Hat introduced Red Hat Enterprise for it's commercial product line, and the gratis, community-driven line was christened Fedora Core.

Why was Red Hat so popular? Did it do something revolutionary? First, consider this: let's think of modifying a computer like modifying a car. Installing a program is like installing a car part. "Compiling" is essentially making the part yourself from "instructions" (the source code). (1) Download binaries is like getting a part pre-made. Installing the software is, easily enough, like installing a car part.

Dependencies...now, dependencies are the thing about installing software in Linux that confuses most new users, because the Microsoft and Apple model for distributing software is to have all the dependencies included and never let you see them. Most of the programs you use regularly are more than just the program themselves. Your word processor needs fonts. Your music player needs to know how to read mp3s.

These other things are called dependencies. If we continue our car analogy, think of it like the parts of a car. A gear shifter in the car isn't much good without a transmission. More importantly, a manual transmission. You not only have to have everything a program depends on, it has to be the right version. Even though all you touch is the gearshift (your word processor), other car parts are doing alot of the work (the dependencies of your word processor).

Red Hat was the originator of the RPM (Red Hat Package Management). What's an RPM you ask? Well, first you have to understand what a package is. When you installed a program in Linux in the old days, you downloaded the source code, compiled the software (which could take hours), try to run the program...and more often than not, nothing would happen (well, if you knew where to look, you'd find a list of errors with frequent use of the word "dependency"). Eventually, in distributions like Slackware, programs were provided in "binary," which means pre-compiled. Now, what does that mean to the end user? It means that you downloaded the binary, installed it (which took only seconds), tried to run the program, and still nothing would happen (same problem with this whole "dependency" thing).

Then Red Hat comes along with the RPM system. Red Hat's programs were all stored on servers, and the end user, to put it simply, pointed their computer towards those servers. Then you just tell your computer to "install this program," and your computer browses the lists of programs on Red Hat's servers, downloads the binary and anything else that programs needs to run - it's "dependencies." So now, when the user runs the newly installed program, more often than not, it actually opens. RPM was revolutionary because it automatically handled dependencies, turning installing programs into a trivial matter.



(1) To extend the analogy, compiling software could be thought of as a machine to make the part. You feed the "instructions" (source code) into the "machine" (compiler), and out comes the "car part" (program)



Debian

The Red Hat business model is just that - all about business. There is a staff of paid workers who create RHEL. Part of the cost of RHEL is licenses for propriety software. Yes, there are volunteers. Yes, Fedora Core is directed at hobbyists. But the heart and soul of Red Hat is about business. Now, that's not to say that is a bad thing. But what happened to this whole software libre thing? What if there was a distribution designed, created and aimed at the end user, using exclusively free software?

Enter Debian. In '93 a guy by the name of Ian Murdock started working on just such a project. For the purposes of this audience, here's what you need to know about Debian. It's package management system, known as APT works similar RPM. Many people, the author included, consider APT superior, but for reasons that would be difficult to explain in the scope of this book. Debian is famously stable and bug free. Because of this many distributions are based on Debian, including the current most popular distribution, Ubuntu. Debian itself is not particularly designed for the Linux beginner. The installation process is text based, not graphical, and once installed there are few "niceties" that beginners expect. But, many of it's derivatives are great for beginners, and the fact that they have Debian running under the hood mean these same beginner-friendly distributions are just as well suited for well seasoned Linux users.
-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for July 13, 2007
DATE: 07/13/2007 12:08:49
STATUS: publish
BODY:
The Red Hat business model is just that - all about business. There is a staff of paid workers who create RHEL. Part of the cost of RHEL is licenses for propriety software. Yes, there are volunteers. Yes, Fedora Core is directed at hobbyists. But the heart and soul of Red Hat is about business. Now, that's not to say that is a bad thing. But what happened to this whole software libre thing? What if there was a distribution designed, created and aimed at the end user, using exclusively free software?

Enter Debian. In '93 a guy by the name of Ian Murdock started working on just such a project. For the purposes of this audience, here's what you need to know about Debian. It's package management system, known as APT works similar RPM. Many people, the author included, consider APT superior, but for reasons that would be difficult to explain in the scope of this book. Debian is famously stable and bug free. Because of this many distributions are based on Debian, including the current most popular distribution, Ubuntu. Debian itself is not particularly designed for the Linux beginner. The installation process is text based, not graphical, and once installed there are few "niceties" that beginners expect. But, many of it's derivatives are great for beginners, and the fact that they have Debian running under the hood mean these same beginner-friendly distributions are just as well suited for well seasoned Linux users.
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tammy
DATE: 07/13/2007 14:36:39
Okay, so that made complete sense. YAY. I'm still trying to turn off my a.d.d. and work on that last edit. Sorry. But how about do the analogy first. Whenever I get one of those books that have explinations in the footnotes explaining what I was supposed to already have read, I read the footnotes first. I like a little explination before I dive in deep with lots of info. It'll probably make you have to rework your already edited sections so it's up to you. But, things like that make my life easier and lets me be a little bit more relaxed when reading a whole bunch of new info at once. Kinda like building in steps. I understand the gist of this b/c it was compared to something I know, so now I get to understand it in its more technical sense.
-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for July 12, 2007
DATE: 07/12/2007 11:16:13
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Alright, the car analogy seems to be working for you. What do you think about leaving the technical paragraphs technical - they're not that hard, just probably harder than the audience of this book. BUT then I elucidate it with a car analogy like this (unchanged in italics):





Red Hat was the originator of the RPM (Red Hat Package Management). What's an RPM you ask? Well, first you have to understand what a package is. When you installed a program in Linux in the old days, you downloaded the source code, compiled the software (which could take hours), try to run the program...and more often than not, nothing would happen (well, if you knew where to look, you'd find a list of errors with frequent use of the word "dependency"). Eventually, in distributions like Slackware, programs were provided in "binary," which means pre-compiled. Now, what does that mean to the end user? It means that you downloaded the binary, installed it (which took only seconds), tried to run the program, and still nothing would happen (same problem with this whole "dependency" thing).

Then Red Hat comes along with the RPM system. Red Hat's programs were all stored on servers, and the end user, to put it simply, pointed their computer towards those servers. Then you just tell your computer to "install this program," and your computer browses the lists of programs on Red Hat's servers, downloads the binary and anything else that programs needs to run - it's "dependencies." So now, when the user runs the newly installed program, more often than not, it actually opens.

So what's going on here? Well, think of installing a program like modifying a car. Installing a program is like installing a car part. "Compiling" is essentially making the part yourself from "instructions" (the source code). (1) Download binaries is like getting a part pre-made. Installing the software is, easily enough, like installing a car part. Dependencies...now, dependencies are the thing about installing software in Linux that confuses most new users, because the Microsoft and Apple model for distributing software is to have all the dependencies included and never let you see them.

Well, most of the programs you use regularly are more than just the program themselves. Your word processor needs fonts. Your music player needs to know how to read mp3s. These other things are called dependencies. If we continue our car analogy, think of it like the parts of a car. A gear shifter in the car isn't much good without a transmission. More importantly, a manual transmission. You not only have to have everything a program depends on, it has to be the right version. Even though all you touch is the gearshift (your word processor), other car parts are doing alot of the work (the dependencies of your word processor).

RPM was revolutionary because it automatically handled dependencies, turning installing programs into a trivial matter.



1 To extend the analogy, compiling software could be thought of as a machine to make the part. You feed the "instructions" (source code) into the "machine" (compiler), and out comes the "car part" (program).
-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for July 11, 2007
DATE: 07/11/2007 11:16:02
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Linux 102 continued:



First, a side note. It may be somewhat out of place at this point in the book, and eventually will probably be in a different place - a footnote, a chapter introduction, something of that nature.



----



Linux enthusiasts keep an eye on a website called DistroWatch for information about various Linux distributions. It's an independent website, hosted and run by an individual with no association to any distribution. In addition to merely hosting information and reviews, it has a track of which distribution's page on DistroWatch has been visited most often. This track has become the unofficial measure of a distribution's popularity.

Perhaps more pertinent to the audience of this book is a page in the website with information on the ten "major distributions." http://distrowatch.com/dwres.php?resource=major

This page has alot of information, and much of it may go over the head of this book's audience at first. But as you begin to seriously consider trying Linux and get involved in choosing a distribution I encourage you to reference this page. Very soon it will all make sense, and then I think you'll find this page informative and useful. Some of it will be echoed here in this book. However, please note that this book is at least relatively static, while DistroWatch is constantly updated.



----



So, we were discussing Red Hat. Around 2003, just after the release of Red Hat 9, there was a split in the product. Red Hat introduced Red Hat Enterprise for it's commercial product line, and the gratis, community-driven line was christened Fedora Core.

Red Hat was the originator of the RPM (Red Hat Package Management). What's an RPM you ask? Well, first you have to understand what a package is. When you installed a program in Linux in the old days, you downloaded the source code, compiled the software (which could take hours), try to run the program...and more often than not, nothing would happen (well, if you knew where to look, you'd find a list of errors with frequent use of the word "dependency"). Eventually, in distributions like Slackware, programs were provided in "binary," which means pre-compiled. Now, what does that mean to the end user? It means that you downloaded the binary, installed it (which took only seconds), tried to run the program, and still nothing would happen (same problem with this whole "dependency" thing).

Then Red Hat comes along with the RPM system. Red Hat's programs were all stored on servers, and the end user, to put it simply, pointed their computer towards those servers. Then you just tell your computer to "install this program," and your computer browses the lists of programs on Red Hat's servers, downloads the binary and anything else that programs needs to run - it's "dependencies." So now, when the user runs the newly installed program, more often than not, it actually opens.

So what's going on here? Well, most of the programs you use regularly are more than just the program themselves. Your word processor needs fonts. Your music player needs to know how to read mp3s. These other things are called dependencies. If we continue our car analogy, think of it like the parts of a car. A gear shifter in the car isn't much good without a transmission. More importantly, a manual transmission. You not only have to have everything a program depends on, it has to be the right version. Even though all you touch is the gearshift (your word processor), other car parts are doing alot of the work (the dependencies of your word processor).

RPM was revolutionary because it automatically handled dependencies, turning installing programs into a trivial matter.

Red Hat's products still have a presence in the Linux community, and RHEL is still popular among corporations, but it's no longer the unchallenged big dog in the community.






-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tammy
DATE: 07/11/2007 18:53:11
So, the second paragraph in the red hat part needs to be reworked somehow. a little too technical still. doesn't feel like you directly explain what a package is either. gratis is free, right? and in this case you meant it more as in people like you rather than big companies that are going to buy it? Liked the continuing car analogy, very tammy friendly.



On a different note, sorry if i was rude to you last night. I feel like I was unintentionally so I wanted to make sure I apologized
-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for July 07, 2007
DATE: 07/07/2007 12:00:59
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Linux 102: Distribution Confusion



What do a fedora, a mandrake, mint and a gentoo have in common? They're all Linux distributions. We've discussed that a distribution is a collection of software on top of the Linux kernel. Different distributions serve different purposes, different target audiences, have different philosophies and different project leaders.

For a period of time, Red Hat was the de facto standard. Were you to walk past a cubicle in a corporation and see a computer not running a Microsoft operating system, it almost certainly would have been Red Hat. Red Hat was one of the first distributions to make a concerted effort to make a desktop-friendly (as opposed to geek only, server only) distribution and have a business model to provide the financial backing for such a large project.

Red Hat made money.

On software that was freely available.

Using no underhanded business practices.

The world was listening.

To this day Red Hat is one of the more popular distributions on both servers and desktops. These days it goes by the name of Red Hat Enterprise Linux, RHEL.



---to be continued--
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tammy
DATE: 07/07/2007 20:37:39
Fedora- a hat i want. Mandrake- plants in HP that produce puss that cures acne and the adult ones cure petrification (I believe, going to reread hp in preperation for 7, so i'll tell you if i was wrong). Mint- yummy. Gentoo- I got nothing. completely tammy friendly. are you going to explain making money on free software?
-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for July 04, 2007
DATE: 07/04/2007 10:09:20
STATUS: publish
BODY:

Well, then, take two on previous entry, unchanged sections in itallics:



So, Linux 101 - class is in session.

What is Linux?

Linux is an operating system. What is an operating system, you ask? Well, Windows is an operating system. So is Mac. But wait, don't you need those? That's what a computer is...isn't it?

Well, in short, no! Windows and MacOS are operating systems that run on your computer. Someone, somewhere along the line had to install them. And you can just as easily remove them.(1) Yes, ladies and gentlemen, there is life after Windows.

So, that question still doesn't have a decent answer: What is an operating system? Wikipedia says "An operating system (OS) is a set of computer programs that manage the hardware and software resources of a computer." Well, what's that supposed to mean? The simple answer is that an operating system is the "engine" that runs your computer.

So just like there are different types of engines for cars, there are different types of engines, and just like you can overhaul a car you can "overhaul" your computer.



A (very) Brief History of (the free software) Universe

Back in the 80's, a student at the University of Helinski named Linus Torvolds started writing a kernel as a personal project. (2) Around the same time another man named Richard Stallman was spearheading a project to create an operating system called GNU. (3) Turns out right as Linus' kernel was in working order, the GNU project had a working system missing only a kernel. It was a match made in Free Software heaven.

But, wait, how did an operating system called GNU and a kernel by someone named Linus end up called Linux? Well, that's a quirk of the free software community. Linus made his kernel "free software" so that it could be combined with the GNU software and worked with the GNU project to make a viable operating system.. But somehow in the ensueing years, the people that used the newly created system latched onto the name "Linux," which was the name given to Linus' files on a server by the adminstrator. In other words, it just kinda happened.

Some distributions of Linux, and the Free Software Foundation, feel the proper name of the combination of GNU and the Linux kernel is "GNU/Linux" and insist that these operating systems be referred to as such.



Putting the cart before the horse

Alright, so it was necessary to say all that, but some of it probably went over a few heads. What's "free software," and why is it such a big deal? Don't I download programs for free all the time? And what's a "distribution"?

Well, free software is not so much software that is free of charge, but software that is free to use anyway you like. Some of the community make the distinction by referring to "free of charge" software as software gratis or "free as in free beer" and "free" software as software libre or "free as in free speech. The fundamental difference is that free software gives away how it works (the source code) and proprietary software does not.

A Linux distribution is merely a collection of software based on the Linux kernel. There are numerous distributions with various goals and philosophies which will be explored later.



More Than You Can Chew?

So, by now I'm sure you've seen the reasoning behind this "survival guide." The Free Software landscape is complex. But it is NOT too complex for you. This guide is written to help you navigate this landscape. There are plenty of other places you could go to learn everything there is to know about GNU and Linux. This is to "scratch the surface" and give you enough information to make an informed decision if you are considering trying it out.







(1) You can even buy computers that come with Linux preinstalled. More on this later

(2) A kernel is the most basic part of an operating system. It's what directly communicates with the hardware in your computer.

(3) GNU is a recursive acronym for Gnu's Not Unix. Linux (or, GNU/Linux if you will) is in a family of operating systems called "unix-like."
-----
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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for July 02, 2007
DATE: 07/02/2007 11:47:48
STATUS: publish
BODY:
I've been meaning to write a "survival guide" to Linux for a while now. An introduction to "that linux thing" aimed at people considering trying out Linux through people who recently installed Linux. Somewhere between the sparseness of a wikipedia entry and the jumble of information in a technical manual. I have no real place to post such a thing where the target audience could get to it (a webpage, membership at a technical blog, etc), so before I go seeking one out, thought I'd gather my thoughts here. Besides, if Tammy understands it, then I've made my points clear.



So, Linux 101 - class is in session.

What is Linux?

Linux is an operating system. What is an operating system, you ask? Well, Windows is an operating system. So is Mac. But wait, don't you need those? That's what a computer is...isn't it?

Well, in short, no! Windows and MacOS are operating systems that run on your computer. Someone, somewhere along the line had to install them. And you can just as easily remove them.(1) Yes, ladies and gentlemen, there is life after Windows.

So, that question still doesn't have a decent answer: What is an operating system? Wikipedia says "An operating system (OS) is a set of computer programs that manage the hardware and software resources of a computer." Well, what's that supposed to mean? It means that an operating system is how you interact with a computer. The programs you use run on top of this operating system.

So what's the difference? Windows controls memory. Linux controls memory. Windows runs programs. Linux runs programs. In fact, you can make either one look exactly like the other. So what's the big deal?



(1) You can even buy computers that come with Linux preinstalled. More on this later



---

Time for work. To be continued
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tammy
DATE: 07/03/2007 11:18:05
So, yesterday I watched "Sabrina, The teenage Witch". Sabrina was assigned a paper in Astronomy class where she had to write a paper that the layman can understand. So, Sabrina writes her paper, goes to visit her Aunt Hilda to make sure she got it correct. But, first, Sabrina sees her Aunt Zelda and tells her about the paper. Zelda asks why she doesn't want to run the paper by a scientist (Zelda has 12 science degrees). Sabrina says that it has to make sense to the village idiot and Zelda says Hilda will be right here. Fastforward. Sabrina reading her paper to Hilda, "I am going to explain the speed of light. Websters defines the speed of light as the amount of time it takes for light...(more definition, i don't remember it)." Hilda goes, wait, back up, I don't understand. Fast forward again, Sabrina reading her paper to the clas "I'm going to explain the speed of light. It goes fast, really really fast." I feel like I am your Hilda right now. So, the definition of an operating system bores me. But it's needed I suppose. Maybe make an analogy along with the explination.



STOP BEING OFF LINE DAMNIT
-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for June 24, 2007
DATE: 06/24/2007 11:18:04
STATUS: publish
BODY:
So, yea, haven't written an entry in a while.

Went to see Lauren in Ohio the 11th-18th. It was a good trip. It was awesome to see her again. I miss the girl. It's pathetic, I know - I'm cool with that.



Life since then has basically been work, sleep, repeat. This is turning out to be "the lost summer" - and now mom is trying to convince me to work during the school year. I don't have time. I hope she doesn't push this too much, because I really worry about my career. I haven't touched my bass all summer. I see this working at a corporate job, and I see myself thinking no further forward than work the next day. I don't want to think like this anymore. I miss the lazy days of summer, but I could even deal with missing my favorite time of year just to not feel so trapped. And I didn't even notice it (or maybe I did, and didn't mind it) until mom started talking about working during the school year. I guess being trapped isn't so bad if you know it is soon to end. Who knew I would be looking forward to school as an escape.
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tammy
DATE: 06/24/2007 13:00:08
You really don't do much for corporate jobs at all. I"m sorry for not playing your bass and not enjoying your summer. Looking forward to school is definately different, but atleast Lauren will be back then. And maybe your mom won't push too hard for a job during school.
-----
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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for June 21, 2007
DATE: 06/21/2007 03:37:21
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Well. the sun is now fully up. And so am I.

It's not a rare occasion that I see the sun come up, but it's unusual enough to still be unsettling. As usual, I'm not rising with the sun - as it begins it's day, I end mine.

That is, if I can ever get to sleep. When I got off work I was dead on my feet - first time working two shows. Didn't even know I was working two shows until I got there. What happened to being tired? I would really like to sleep. Or at least not have to worry about how tired I'm going to be tomorrow if I don't.



I'm going to try and sleep now. Good night.



PEACE
-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for May 28, 2007
DATE: 05/28/2007 20:25:24
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Actually had a good day. Went and played some music at Justin's. Felt good to jam with him.

Got back to the house at 10:30. Went for a walk. It was nice. I wanted to go through the woods, but I know there are foxes and snakes in the woods near our house, so I stuck to the fringes. It was still nice. I just kinda let my mind wander. I've been really nostalgic lately. Thinking about stuff I don't normally remember - there's like a list of big events in my life that I can drag up at a moments notice. But lately it's been about other things. Nothing in particular, not much in the way of rhyme or reason to them - just stuff, mostly from high school, that I had more or less forgotten about.

...Alright, so there is something of a pattern. Girls. Relationship - mostly "ones that got away." They're happy memories - or at least enjoyable to think back on. But I kinda feel bad. Like I'm somehow cheating on Lauren by thinking fondly about memories of other women.

Ran across a group of fireflies. Beautiful. I thought about running back to the house to write a song about them - but nothing came. I had no ideas. So I just stood in the middle of the road and looked at them. Enjoyed the beauty for what it was.

One of those memories I was talking about took place in a clearing not far from my house. I don't go there often - hadn't since that night. I just wanted to see it with my own eyes. I'm not sure why. So I did. And then I walked back to the house.

And when I got in the yard, I looked around and saw everything lit in the moonlight, and all I could think was how beautiful Lauren would look in that light.
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Lauren M
DATE: 06/09/2007 21:32:43
can i comment now?


-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Lauren M
DATE: 06/09/2007 21:32:53
AH!!!!!!!!!!


-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Lauren M
DATE: 06/09/2007 21:33:07
I CAN COMMENT NOW!!!!!
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Lauren M
DATE: 06/09/2007 21:33:26
my face will dominate your comment section
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Lauren M
DATE: 06/09/2007 21:33:42
well, my avatar's face, anyway
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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for May 26, 2007
DATE: 05/26/2007 21:16:12
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Have I mentioned that I hate fake people? I really don't care that much if you're shallow. Hell, some of my best friends are incredibly shallow. What bugs me...is when your shallow, pathetic ass does your damnest to put on like you have an intelligent, deep, caring bone in your body. You're shallow. Just be shallow. You're hot, and you use it to your advantage - which, I guess, in a sense, makes you a whore. You're not the world's first gold-digger, and there's nothing wrong with it - trust me, sweetheart, the guy's you've been mooching off of know it. There's alot about guys you need to figure out - and the top of the list is that they'll still give you money if they know the dirty secret that all you want is money and sex. You've got enough knowledge in that brain of your's to appear intelligent. But, ya know what...me and Zach are the only guys that ever cared. Too bad it was all an act - look who you're hanging around with now.

But, ya know, at least I didn't have much to do with you. And apparently you don't want much to do with me now. If it wasn't occasionally crossing paths on the net we'd forget each other exist. And you'll never read this. Such is life.
-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for May 24, 2007
DATE: 05/24/2007 20:08:29
STATUS: publish
BODY:
I miss metal.

I miss headbanging, shredding, blow your ear drums, "if it's too loud you're too old," lead-singers-think-they're-God-but-lead-guitarists-really-are metal. I miss the ability to walk on stage and hypnotize an audience. Hell, I even miss people knocking on my door at three in the morning to shut the fuck up...you don't get that alot playing jazz non-stop. I'm sick and tired of overthinking music - and I never thought I would say that. What ever happened to playing what you hear?

Why is there no metal scene in SC??

Yea...like there's a jazz scene?

I may have more of a chance of paying the bills as a jazz bass player, and more of a chance to innovate and have my name remembered as a contemporary bass player, but I really just want to grab a guitar and make some fucking noise.

\._.| ^_^ |._./
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tammy
DATE: 05/25/2007 12:19:17
DO WHAT'S GOING TO MAKE YOU HAPPY. It isn't like you're stuck in one genre for the rest of your life.
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--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for May 17, 2007
DATE: 05/16/2007 21:57:23
STATUS: publish
BODY:
So, lovely. Basically I haven't done anything today but get up, get ready, go to work and come home. And I was psyched on the way home. It would be something to talk about with Lauren. I wanted to talk to her, and I had good stories.

But it wasn't to be. She's not feeling well. And Tammy wouldn't answer her IM, and now she's not even online. So, now Lauren has finally gotten back online, but who knows if it will be an interesting convo or not...she's not talkative when she's not feeling well. And I'm not blaming her for not feeling well, I'm just saying it sucks for me.

I worked today. For a corporation, no less. And I hate working for the machine. There's a rant there, somewhere, but I'm not in the mood. It's been a bad day, despite a relatively easy day at work. ....

Goodbye.
-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for April 28, 2007
DATE: 04/28/2007 13:30:52
STATUS: publish
BODY:

What do you think? Save it if you like - if you want I'll take it down immediatly, but the only person who ever reads this blog is my friend Tammy. I don't care as much about it being on my blog as merely you seeing it.




-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tammy
DATE: 04/28/2007 16:43:01
wtf? i'm confused. is it one of those ghost thingys? if so take it down. they creep me out.
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Scheater5
DATE: 04/29/2007 16:52:00
lol - it's no "ghost thingy" Tammy. One of my friends - actually the only ex I'm friends with, and she happens to be a very close friend - Catherin Carroll, who is not "dark" or "gothic" or even antisocial in the least bit (she's probably borderline preppy, although she'd never use that term) had that picture up on her facebook page in it's unaltered form, and I took it and altered it, and posted it here for her to see.
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tammy
DATE: 04/29/2007 18:01:17
The computer i was on fuzzed out the words so it looked like a cross or something. what's on top of the words appear here?
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Scheater5
DATE: 05/02/2007 12:23:22
Dis Appear Here - obviously, as in, "disappear here" and then an arrow pointing down towards Catherine. It has been heavily altered and it very fuzzy, but that's the point. It's supposed to be kinda hard to read.
-----
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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for April 05, 2007
DATE: 04/04/2007 23:38:39
STATUS: publish
BODY:
I am quickly losing faith in human kind.



In response to a petition prepared by Robert Corn-Revere and filed by Ron Collins and David Skover, on December 23, 2003, Bruce was posthumously pardoned by New York Republican Governor George Pataki for the obscenity conviction arising from his 1964 New York performances at the Cafe Au Go Go. It was the first posthumous pardon in the state's history. Pataki called his decision "a declaration of New York's commitment to upholding the First Amendment."



Alright, for those of you who don't understand what that means - and I guess by "those of you," I really mean "in case Tammy doesn't" - here's the background. Lenny Bruce, famous, or perhaps infamous, controversial comedian of the early 60's (think pre-hippies) was repeatedly arrested on obsenity charges, and repeatedly aquited. But it was enough that most clubs in NY blacklisted him, fearing they too would suffer legal troubles from his performances. Well, this one called the Cafe Au Go Go hadn't yet, and he performed there on a night when two undercover police officers were in the audience. After the show, he was arrested, a six month trial ensued including testimonies by just about every prominent, controversial free-speach advocate of the day. At the end of it all, he was found guilty and sentenced to 4 months "in the workhouse."

Tragically, although somewhat irrelevant to the current topic, he died while out on bail pending appeal.

Then, in 2003, after a petition featuring just about every prominent, controversial free-speach advocate of our day reached the New York Court of Appeals, Lenny Bruce recieved a posthmus pardon on grounds of the Free Speach.

Almost four years later, New York congress will pass a bill imposing a "voluentary ban" on the use of the word "nigger," an infringement on freedom of speach.





I have no words. I would be outraged were it not for my sorrow. If New York's congress had been truely idiots, I could perhaps cope better. Changing the world is easy if idiots are the problem - you merely remove the idiots. Well, maybe not easy, but at least the problem is clearly defined. However, apparently New York's government officials have a brain, but somehow horribly twisted ideas on how to use said brian - which is infinitely more scary.
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tammy
DATE: 04/05/2007 20:34:07
Okay, so I'm confused now. Dude used that word back in the day as part of a comedy act. Got charged with obsenity got in trouble because of it. Died after being convicted but before punishment. Now after they pardoned him (which makes sense, free speech and all that fun stuff) they're voluntarily banning the word? Is that the point of the story?
-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for April 05, 2007
DATE: 04/04/2007 22:44:42
STATUS: publish
BODY:
[rant]

I am a voice with no words.

I am a message with no mouthpiece.

I am a vagabond with a warm bed.

I am confused and tortured in my safe environment.

I am trapped in my wide open spaces.

I have no way of saying many things I want to say.

I am a river, damed up and ready to burst;

As the inhabitants of the city below look on and wonder how to set me free;

Before I back up too far.

But what is too far?

When is too late?

What qualifies as selling your soul?



I think.

I feel.

I have every intention, ever desire, to act.

And no way of doing it.

I lend my voice to the cries,

yet few care to accept it.

Even the ones for whom I cry.

Is that all I can do?

Of what am I really capable?

Is my voice worth hearing?



If I could articulate a single feeling

get across a fraction of an idea

I honestly believe I could do something

change something

make something better.

But the words don't come.

And few others seem to understand.

And no one can fully explain.

And so no one can speak

And therefore no one will listen.



[/rant]
-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for March 21, 2007
DATE: 03/21/2007 08:21:36
STATUS: publish
BODY:
"With the first link the chain is forged. The first speech censored, the first thought forbidden, the first freedom denied, chains us all irrevocably."
-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for March 21, 2007
DATE: 03/21/2007 08:15:14
STATUS: publish
BODY:
I'm scared.



I am truely and thoroughly scared.



New York has banned the word "nigger."



New York has banned a word.



A city in a first-world country has attempted to narrow the use of language.



I don't care if it's offensive. I don't care if I never use it (although I'm seriously considering using it more often in protest). I don't care if it has a history. I don't care if you don't like it. I don't care if you think it's destroying your culture. YOU DO NOT INFRINGE ON FREE SPEACH. It's a constitutional right. If you'll all remember your history and law, infringing upon a Constitutional Right is cause for disbanding the American Government.



I'm not suggesting we go tear down the White House and dispose Bush, but I'm trying to get accross the horror of this act.

The fact that New York's ban has no teeth, as it carries no punishment, is of little matter. There is a law on the books banning a word.



I am scared.





And when I get scared...I get angry.
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tammy
DATE: 03/21/2007 19:56:49
I'm pretty sure many places have words that are banned. Like tickets for using profane languages. I agree with the free speech, but damn, if a word has to be banned, let it be that one. Don't use it as protest, protest the law.
-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for March 17, 2007
DATE: 03/17/2007 20:22:41
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Tonight is weird. I feel restless. Like there's something I want to do and I don't really know what. Part of me wants to think my muse is trying to speak, but I'm not sure I understand what it's saying.

I've felt weird all night, so this certainly isn't the only reason I feel restless, but it certainly didn't hurt: I saw Patti Smith get inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. It was kinda weird seeing this aging social artist playing to a bunch of what appeared to be straight-laced, blue haired old aristorcats. And then she played Rock 'n Roll Nigger. (Contrary to what you're thinking, it's a social statement. not a racial one. Using the term as a metaphore for all those "outside society.") I thought those old people were gonna flip. The song, social context or not, is still controversial. Probably intentionally written to push buttons. And I seriously doubted any of those people were gonna "get it." I was laughing waiting on the reaction, fully expecting it to be in the news tomorrow. And then the song ended...and they stood up. Every last person in that audience applauded, sincerly.

I was shocked. I guess you can never underestimate your audience. She ended the show with a "salute to the next generation," and encouragement that we have the power to change the world - start now.

I dunno - I just felt the need to write. i have no real purpose. Just a feeling i can't describe. Lauren gets back fom Ohio tomorrow. Life for the most part returns to normal, Iguess. ....goodnight...
-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for March 05, 2007
DATE: 03/05/2007 08:20:17
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Alright, Symphonic Band/Concert and Chamber Choir Spring Tour



Night before the trip me and Lauren had tentative plans to go out all night and sleep on the trip. But when the night finally arrives we're both a little worn out after a long week and alot of stress, so we decide to stay in - and a good thing, too (because Lauren took four hours to pack).

Morning of the trip, we almost oversleep when we accidentally turn the alarm off when we meant to snooze. Great start. Make it to the bus, load succesfully, and begin a tiresome, uncomfortable, sleepless busride.

Show up at West Ashley. First of a crappy series of shows. It was during school hours - an assembly... Right from the outset we were getting heckled, and it continued the whole show. It was so bad Dr. Tulley cut a couple of tunes out when we were on stage - just skipped them! All of the music education students reaffirmed their vow to never teach public school.

Get back on the bus to drive toour next gig - Hilton Head. This one was at dinnertime - supposedly the entire band was required to show up and many people in the town had expressed an intention to attend.

We played to all of 15 people...

We played the chamber music and all of Carmina Burana (well, all of our abridged version) to 15 people. I was not happy.

Did I mention they were late with food they had promissed to provide us? Or that the stage was increadibly tiny and under construction?

Yea, I was not happy.

Get back on the bus to head to our hotel. At least the beds were nice - hung out with Lauren for a few hours, and then we seperated to our respective rooms and slept.

Got up, ate breakfast, got on the bus and drove to Disneyworld.

As soon as we got settled in our rooms, as I wrote previously, me Lauren and Emily headed for the parks. First day was MGM - first Tower of Terror, then Rock'n'Rollercoaster, then Star Tours. Soon thereafter we headed back to the hotel. There was a hammock set up between a couple of the building of our hotel (Disney's Allstar Resort) and me and Lauren stayed out for a couple hours...it was nice...:)

Next day was more work - got on the bus and headed backstage to Disney. Same place as when we went in highschool for the Disney parade...kinda nostolgic for me. NEway, that show sucked as well. All of three people from the park came in to listen to us - which was a shock to me, who has played to packed houses everytime I've performed with Disney. Packed up and headed back to the hotel, changed and back to the park.

Again, me Lauren and Emily - this time to the Magic Kingdom - Space Mountain, Thunder Mountain, and a couple more things, then to Epcot.

Dinner at a crappy Japanese resturant, and then Test Track and Mission Space - when we left mission space the fireworks display was underway. Watched the fireworks, and then intended to go to Soarin' (which is new, and I was looking forward to), but the park was closing down. Headed back to the hotel, hung out with Lauren for a few hours, then seperated and went to sleep.

Got up early the next morning - had the day to ourselves, albiet a short day. Me, Lauren and Emily head to Animal Kingdom - ride 60 seconds to Extinction, Expedition Everest (which was awesome!), get lunch at Rainforest Cafe (which was also cool, if overpriced), and then caught a shuttle to MGM. Unfortounatly the lines were longer than we'd hoped - and to make matters worse when we were very close to the front of the Rock'n'Rollercoaster it breaks down. And we can't get any details out of any of the staff - it's getting close time to leave and all we can get is "5 minutes." For a half an hour we hear "5 minutes." Eventually we have to leave...I was pissed. We were the last ones back to the bus, 25 minutes late.

The ride home was once again uncomfortable and mostly sleepless - over the course of the trip I developed a sinus infection.



So...yea...overall, probable the most miserable trip to Disneyworld I've ever had, but that's not saying alot. I enjoyed myself despite the trials, if for no other reason than the rides - which, unfortunatly, Lauren apparently wasn't that impressed with.



And, so ends our Spring Tour. We got back at around midnight - which, we had pushed the schedual back, taking 2 hours out of our park time so that we arrived at a decent hour, and still we ended up getting back at the originally schedualed time - which means two hours of park time lost for no reason...




-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tammy
DATE: 03/05/2007 18:18:11
That just sounds sucky besides getting to spend time with Lauren. Thank you for giving me an account b/c i'm sure by the time I'll talk to you you'll have forgotten most every thing.
-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for March 03, 2007
DATE: 03/03/2007 06:13:29
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Disney, part one



Alright Tammy, this one's purely so you don't go insane because I haven't spoken to you the whole trip - because I don't have time to write a full report.

The trip thus far has been good. The bus ride was horrible, but I've had worse. We finally actually got in our hotels around 5, and immediatly several of us dashed for the parks. Me, Lauren and a friend of our's, Emily, went straight for MGM and the Rock'n'Rollercoaster, and then rode the Tower of Terror and Space Tours (a Star Wars themed simulator) before getting dinner right as the parks closed (it was technically closed as we were leaving).

So, Today is our "working day" in Disney, and thus I need to get dressed and ready to perform. Later tonight or tomorrow will come a more detailed report of the trip before our arrival (which includes West Ashley HS and Hilton Head) and perhaps more detail of today. But for now...I gotta go.

PEACE
-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for February 13, 2007
DATE: 02/13/2007 19:41:24
STATUS: publish
BODY:
There's a tornado warning tonight - the storm system just moved through the Gulf Coast, destroying many of the areas just rebuilt after Katrina.

Lauren: "ouch...that's Mother Earth for ya."
Me: "I think Giea is saying 'hey, that's below sea level - don't build there!' "
Lauren: "Either that or she's pre-El Nino"

-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for January 25, 2007
DATE: 01/24/2007 21:38:10
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Windows (n): A 32 bit shell for a 16 bit operating system,

originally written for an 8 bit processor on a 4 bit bus by a 2 bit company

that can't stand 1 bit of competition!

- Anon
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tammy
DATE: 01/25/2007 23:22:31
DORK!
-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for January 22, 2007
DATE: 01/22/2007 07:04:27
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Yesterday was officially the worst day in history.

And it started so nice, too

Me and Lauren woke up early (for us) on a Sunday - about 10 o'clock. We both had work to do, so we planned on spending the afternoon together - we both had some errands to run - and the evening apart doing our work. Seemed nice enough. Even me and Veronica were...well...at least civil.

So me and Lauren leave to go do our errands. The Dodge dealership was closed, but we went to look at the cars anyway. Leave there and continue about our errands - to Kroger.

Go grocery shopping - decide we're gonna make some cheese dip for dinner. We're gonna go back to her place, watch Boondock Saints - I thought it was gonna be great.

So we're headed to my place where we're gonna make the cheese dip (we needed a stove)...and I rear-end a car on Singleton Ridge Road...



grr...



The only good thing that happened all day is that the cop didn't write me a ticket - but I'm listed as the fault on the insurance report. Great. So, we have to find a way to get the car home. It's leaking fluid, the front end is smashed up, I don't think it's drivable - but if it can't be driven it has to be towed...and the last thing I need is to cost the family more money. So we decide to try and drive it home with mom following close behind. So, at 35 MPH, me and Lauren drive to my house.



So, change of dinner plans. We invite Veronica to my place. We're gonna watch movies, make cheese dip and then have Veronica take us back to the dorms. I think it's still gonna be great. Everything is gonna work out, and the day's gonna at least end on a good note.

We've been at my house for about a half an hour, maybe a little more, cooking up a storm. We start to wonder what's taking Veronica so long...

I check my phone and have two missed calls...o shit.

I call Veronica back and ask where she is...

She's almost back to the dorms. I talk to her for a while - try and figure out what she wants to do, invite her to come back...she starts crying.



I can't win...



Me and Lauren, kind of in defeat and lack of motivation to do anything else, eat the cheese dip and watch Boondock Saints. It was nice to be able to watch a movie with just me and her...but I couldn't really pay attention. Mom took us back to the dorms (joy). Lauren decides she doesn't want to deal with Veronica and we went to my place to sleep...

And thus ended the worst day ever.
-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for January 14, 2007
DATE: 01/13/2007 21:56:54
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Si hoc legere scis nimium eruditionis habes
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tammy
DATE: 01/15/2007 19:40:28
WTF?
-----
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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for January 09, 2007
DATE: 01/09/2007 15:59:51
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Break winds down. Classes start tomorrow. Joy...

Actually, I'm looking forward to things getting started again. Sorta - I'm looking forward to seeing everyone again, so I guess what I'd really like is another week of everyone here before classes start...but I'm not gonna get that. O well.

Life is pretty good, though. I've moved out of my old dorm and into University Place - woot! If no one claims the room next to mine I'm turning it into a studio - again, woot. And, of course, most importantly, Lauren is back! Damn it how I missed that woman. The whole situation is not without drama, but I can put up with just about anything - and smile! - with her by my side.

I don't want to wake up alone again...but I guess I need to - she's right ya know, and I know it as well as her - that we both need our space...but apparently it's a concept that she finds easier to put into practice than I. It's a fight with myself sometimes to give her space - because I never want to let her go. I want to hold her and love and her protect her always - and yet I know if I don't give her some room she'll suffocate and I'll go crazy. ...and so the semester begins.
-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for December 25, 2006
DATE: 12/25/2006 13:20:50
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Merry Christmas...



...and the only present I want (and you take that how you will) is in Ohio right now. Man it doesn't feel like Christmas.



Bells will be ringing this sad sad news

Oh what a Christmas to have the blues

My baby's gone I have no friends

To wish me greetings once again

Choirs will be singing Silent Night

Christmas carols by candle light

Please come home for Christmas

Please come home for Christmas

If not for Christmas by New Years night



But she won't be here for New Years. Or for a week after that. So I'm sad - sue me. But I just don't have the energy to do anything, and that's the only reason I can think of that the wind is out of my sails.


-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for December 17, 2006
DATE: 12/17/2006 16:21:03
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Well, today was interesting. Watched a special on VH1 on drug culture, and couldn't help but be saddened.

Not saddened at the "poor souls" who "abused substances" - no, I was saddened that a culture that stood on the brink of changing the world had died. And they died the most cruel death imaginable - the very thing that brought them together was perverted into their demise.

Marijuana, LSD, acid - the drugs of the psychedelic age. And the age was good. A culture of peace arose. A culture that defied it's predecessors in GOOD ways for once. A culture who's substances of choice either didn't harm the body or could do harm only in mass quantities. Coming face to face with the establishment of the day didn't cause them to bat an eye.

The hippies.



And I missed it.



But maybe it's a good thing I missed it - because watching documentaries on the demise of the flower generation breaks my heart. I can only suspect I would have been crushed if I had actually been a part of it. When speed killed the summer of love, and the heroine and alcohol killed some of the greatest songwriters of all time...It hurts even now to think about.

I was alone all day - I desperately didn't want to be. I just missed Lauren on the internet - by two minutes. Damn. And I was sitting right by the computer, too. Gonna be a rough three more weeks.

Been a weird day...

But it's been good for songwriting. Got a couple of good ideas today. Nothing like getting depressed to get the creative juices flowing - when you've got all that negative energy going, you just have to purge it somehow.



I went to church today - it got me thinking...Me and Lauren have something special - religion isn't going to stand between love...but I worry about her. I try not to push her - I know it makes her uncomfortable. But the one thing in the world that scares me is the thought of spending eternity without her. I hope she doesn't take this the wrong way if she reads it, but I just had to say it.



I'm supposed to have that audition with the band St Jack tomorrow - I don't know if I'm gonna go. After that dream about my guitar being busted up...it never did seem quite right, and now I'm pretty sure there's something weird about it after that dream.



I've gone to sleep for the last several nights early - except for the one where I talked with Lauren until 5 in the morning - just to shut my brain off. I don't want to be awake - I just want to sleep through the next three weeks and wake up with all my stuff moved into my new room and Lauren stepping off the plane.




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--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for December 01, 2006
DATE: 12/01/2006 07:38:04
STATUS: publish
BODY:
...ahh...I may hate CCU, but there are things I love about this group of people...



I just saw Mrs Tully try and pull the white board down to write on something high displayed by a projector...opps! And then, to top it off - she jumps up to write it!!



I love Fridays...




-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for November 26, 2006
DATE: 11/25/2006 22:27:26
STATUS: publish
BODY:
OMG!!! There's a show on the Food Network on Disney World - and it was just on Epcot, and they showed the Christmas Candlelight Processional and Chorale - AND THEY SHOWED THE NIGHT THE AHS CHORUS WENT!!! I WAS JUST ON NATIONAL TV - they showed the processional, and the aynor kids were front and center!



I had almost forgotten about that night...that'll give me something to think about when I'm trying to refind my musical voice... whoa...
-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for November 25, 2006
DATE: 11/25/2006 19:58:47
STATUS: publish
BODY:
1. Politics

2. Art

3. Music



in that order



It's a hierarchy I used to take for granted. It just is. I believe it. I am a politician, an artist, and THEN a musician. Music is my art. Art is about saying something.



Art is about saying something.



Art is about saying something.



When's the last time my music said anything? When is the last time my mentors said anything? This whole "solo bass" movement... Everyone since Jamerson has been saying the same thing: The bass is more than what people think it is. And then finally Victor Wooten said it clearly - "The bass is a 'complete' instrument." But that's been around for a while. It's a given - even if the rest of the world, the average joe, doesn't know it yet. It's unstoppable. It's inevitable. The bass will be respected and understood as a solo instrument - and soon. That's no longer my responsibility. I don't have to "carry the flag." Hell, I CAN'T take the flag - I'm not that damn creative. What I can do is SAY something. Bailey doesn't say anything - hell, his records don't even have words (not that an instrumental is incapable of conveying a message, his just don't. They're pure art - which has it's place...just not mine).

I want to say something...which means I either have to get better at singing, or find a band. A band? Fronted by a bassist? Well, it worked for Rush, and THEY said something! ("It's not the heat it's the inhumanity" - damn what a line)

I've got to get outta here...take a semester off, get out of SC, get away from teachers...something. But if I work full-time I'm gonna have the same problems with time I have now. What I need is time - I once found myself, and then I lost it again. Now I've found someone to give myself to, and I don't know where it is. (and I know where you took that Tammy, but I'm talking emotionally here) What am I doing with my life?? What's the goal? It never used to be to teach - but lately I've been looking forward to standing in front of a classroom, which normally wouldn't be that bad, except that I get the distinct impression it's just because it would be an improvement over what I have now (yes - I'm implying that life now is a bigger headache than teaching).



Tomorrow Lauren gets in...if I can survive until then, maybe I'll be alright.



PEACE
-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for November 25, 2006
DATE: 11/24/2006 22:10:03
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Cassie James : [...] you never know what you need until you find it.



GRISSOM: Or until you lose it.



CASSIE JAMES: I mean, all we are is what we try to get rid of. Fat and

newspapers and loneliness and cat food cans. And there are going-away people

and there are left-behind people but, you know, everybody's secrets ...

everybody's secrets are the same.



GRISSOM: Were your and your sister's secrets the same?



CASSIE JAMES: My sister didn't have secrets. Her secrets had her. That... I

told you I didn't ... I don't know. I mean, you know, y-y-you-you can pick

through a million lives and never have one of your own.



GRISSOM: Looking for things, analyzing them ... trying to figure out the world

-- that's a life.



CASSIE JAMES: You never know what you need until you find it. And the next

thing I find it might be the thing that changes everything.



GRISSOM: What will you do when you find it?



CASSIE JAMES: Sleep ... the most perfect sleep.



CSI, episode 23, season 2 - "The Hunger Artist"

-----



Today was a decent day. Got a fair amount accomplished in the homework department - not as much as I'd hoped, but enough that I should be able to finish tomorrow. Herb had a party tonight at Nate's - no one got ridiculously drunk, so therefore I had a pretty good time. It's the anniversary of the party when Herb and Kat got together. I'd probably be pretty bummed if I wasn't taken - but the thought of Lauren can drown out pretty much anything! And besides, I'm happy for them. So, tomorrow will be pretty much sightsinging practice and finishing the psychology, and then Sunday LAUREN COMES BACK!! Damn I miss that girl.



PEACE
-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for November 24, 2006
DATE: 11/23/2006 22:36:39
STATUS: publish
BODY:
The stars are really bright tonight.



It's ridiculously cold for SC - the garage I stay in had ice on the walls when I got in tonight.



I miss my baby...I didn't get to speak to her all day, never got to wish her happy thanksgiving. *sigh* - and I still have a few days to go...this is gonna suck



It's now Friday morning, given that it's after midnight - 2 and a half days until I see my baby...



PEACE
-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for November 20, 2006
DATE: 11/20/2006 16:37:23
STATUS: publish
BODY:
*sigh*

So, I saw Lauren to the airport yesterday.

Ladies and gentlemen...I got it bad. I wasn't even out of the parking lot before it hit me...damn I miss that girl.



I remember my earlier relationships - alot of time apart... Thinking about them all the time - screwed up eating habits - staying awake just to think about them. And I never got that with Lauren, because we're together all the time. It's very weird to be getting alot of that now - but it's kinda different this time - and I guess that makes sense. The feeling is different, because the relationship is different. I'm amazingly comfortable around her. But its pretty wild, too... *sigh*...



So, life update - haven't even touched my homework. Went to lunch with Tammy today, that was pretty cool. Katherine Haines comes home tomorrow, and Herb will be here soon, too (PARTY!). Lauren will be back this Sunday - and that's just about life. PEACE
-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for November 13, 2006
DATE: 11/13/2006 19:58:14
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Ok, so despite the abundance of posts lately (at least compared to the previous three weeks...), few of them are worth reading to most of the people who regularly read this blog. Alas, neither will this one be. It's a post I put on a message board 2 weeks ago, and I really just want to put it here "for the sake of archiving."



....ahem....



YES!!!!

As of today, about 8 hours ago, I am completely and totally free of any need for windows!



I started using Ubuntu about 6 months ago. Until then I had been your typical Windows "power user." Ironically, it was a Windows crash that made me do it. A rootkit and a botched attempt to get rid of it left me with a completely unusable system, and after a number of failed attempts to restore it, I thanked the geek gods that I backed up the majority of my files and gave up. So, I was left with a laptop "all dressed up with no place to go." So, I got on the family's desktop (which, BTW, is so full of virii it's insanely annoying to use) and browsed looking for any kind of help, when I decided to try Linux. Gave Morphix and Sante Fe a shot, but I didn't know how to do a thing with them, being completely new to the world of Linux. My frustration mounted. I was a dork without his technology - you may as well have taken away oxygen!

Posted on some forum - I don't even remember which - and someone suggested Ubuntu. Checked out the site, and was immediately impressed, being a politically conscious person. Downloaded the Live-CD, and was blown away with the immediate usefulness. Everything worked out of the box. Immediately I installed it on my laptop. A few weeks later, because I needed a few "essential apps," I got my hands on a copy of Windows and installed it as if it were a trial cd (that is, I never "authenticated" it ) and began searching for Linux equivalents.

So, 6 months, an upgrade to Edgy and alot of learning about Linux and "computers," I finally got Midi to work on my computer. With shouts of joy (ok, so I didn't shout, but I wanted to!) I trashed that Windows partition and extended the Ubuntu partition!! Never again will I be tied to MS!







-------



It's now two weeks since that post. I've installed Ubuntu on a friend's comp since then (however, not without problems, but what could make a geek happier than a project?), got an order of Ubuntu Cd's in the mail (gotta love the open source community - Ubuntu's parent corporation paid for the Cd's, even the shipping), and have not so much as touched a pc running Windows except to fix my mother's and Lauren's. I'm still lovin the Linux world. I'm in the middle of a project of my own - trying to turn my old desktop into a server, and then trying to figure out just how to use a server!

So, yea, just for the sake of me being able to r

ead it later, and see how things have progressed since now. So, sorry if you tried to read this and had no idea what I was ranting about. PEACE
-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for November 13, 2006
DATE: 11/13/2006 19:09:26
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Once again, the hacker community has it's unique, great sense of humor.



"It has been said that if you play a Windoze [sic] cd backwards you'll hear demonic voices commanding you to worship Satan. But that's nothing. If you play it forwards, it'll install Windoze."
-----
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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for November 13, 2006
DATE: 11/13/2006 07:43:33
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Class - "You never showed us those pictures of gondolas in Venice."

Mrs. Tully - "I didn't?"

Class - "No, you said you had to filter some of them out first."

Mrs. Tully - "....o yea....yea...."
-----
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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for November 07, 2006
DATE: 11/07/2006 15:46:26
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Ok, so I'm a week shy of a month without updating. I was going for a month, but NOOO, you all wanna keep bugging me. Fine, you wanted it here it is...I hope you're happy!!!





...









Ok, so the real reason I haven't updated is nothing has happened lately. It's pretty much been school, band, Lauren, sleep - repeat. I get through one hurdle and another presents itself. One project down, time to start the next - actually, when I get one project down I'm probably behind on the next. I'm gonna be so glad when marching band is over with. Next semester should be easy - well, easier, at least on paper (5 credits easier, 3 of which belong to marching band - hells yea). If I can get through these essays in Music History and English and make it to Thanksgiving break I'll be golden...I hope.



Speaking of which, Katherine and Herb are gonna be in town in about 4 days, and of course that means party. And I actually think I might go, much as I said I wouldn't. Things have changed since then. I get along with Erin (well, I'm civil with Erin, there's still some tension, but we can be in the same room and carry on a conversation) and of course, I'm taken now - which always relieves a bit of tension - especially in a situation where over half of the males there met their significant other because I was interested in her...



You guys know I love ya - no malice - it just stings from time to time.



So, yea, two essays, with a party in the middle and a break at the end of the tunnel. I'll update again the next time I come up for air...who knows when that'll be. You all know how to get in touch with me - I promise I still check messages (phone and electronic) even if I don't respond immediatly (or until forced under threat of a beating).Â



PEACE.Â




-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for November 07, 2006
DATE: 11/07/2006 15:37:35
STATUS: publish
BODY:
"horny freak"



"pot calling the kettle black"



...



"just 'cus it's true....

shut up"


-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for October 14, 2006
DATE: 10/14/2006 21:13:41
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Ok, so, today was the single greatest day of my life, without much exaggeration - the only comparable day is when me and Lauren became "official," but that was a completly different kind of happy, so there's no use trying to compare.Â



If there's anyone who reads these bloggs who's a muscian and you happen to be a jealous person, please turn away now. You have been warned.



I just spent two days with Steve Bailey, Victor Wooten, Billy Sheenan, Greg Bissionet and JOHN PATTITUCCI!!!! aahhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I played in front of these guys! With Billy Sheenan sitting like two feet from me!

I just saw one of the most amazing concerts in the history of the world! I heard Billy Sheenan do a solo arrangement of Shy Boy, and SING IT! I heard Billy Sheenan sing White Room, the other four guys jump in and write parts to it on the spot, making what is surely the first arrangement of the song for 4 basses! And then Steve Bailey jumped in with the harmony part on the chorus (originally sung by Eric Clapton)! And then when it was Billy's turn to solo, HE QUOTED ERIC CLAPTON'S SOLO from the live album! O....MY.....GOD!!!

I heard John Pattitucci play arco and thump in the same night! I watched Victor Wooten sit down and teach Pattitucci some thump techniques! And then like 20 minutes later, I overheard Pattitucci teaching Vic some harmony theory (it was about altered dominant chords, if anyone cares)!  How freaky is that!Â

I heard three jazz guys give some of the greatest advice on making it in the music buisness I've ever heard, and then the one who broke all the rules just casually drops that he was on a Platinum album (Eat 'em and Smile featuring Billy Sheenan on bass) in passing! These are like serious "tell-your-grandkids" once-in-a-lifetime stories, and I got like 20 in two days!!!Â

And not only that, but I got some practical, apply-it-now technique stuff, too from Vic - a simple little rudiment I've been missing in my funk-slappin' technique, and he spelled it out. Allow me to repeat that - I HAD VICTOR WOOTEN SHOW ME HOW TO PLAY FUNK.Â

Every one of those guys heard me play, and every one of them said they enjoyed my playing - now, how much of that was them just being dimplomatic, and how much was for real...who knows - right now, I'm just basking in the glory of this day. I got like four pages of notes from the clinics, and that was just jotting down little things to help me remember stuff later, because I didn't want to take my attention away from the guys for any longer than I had to. I'm still starstruck. I shook all of their hands. And plus, I met some other cool bass players that are like my peers - one really cool guy named Kent, who actually ended up on stage after the audition, said he dug my playing. After my audition he said he got nervous! (in so many words, and it was actually his wife/gf who told me - who also happens to be really cool. She's a beginner - been playing music for a while, but just started bass tuesday! What a helluv'a way to get started, going to this workshop! I envy her)



Ladies and Gentelmen, get this: in that 10 minute conversation with Patitucci we talked about City College. He said that it sucks (in so many words - very much a gentelman) that I missed him when I went to NYC, and that I should make another trip to see him. That he normally only teaches upright players (immediatly inside I went "....oohhhh....that sux" - but I tried to keep a cool face) .....but he occasionally takes on electric student. He said he had heard me play, and that he'd remember me (JOHN PATITUCCI KNOWS MY NAME!), and that I should give him a call. HOLY FREAKIN CRAP!



Today has been one of the greatest days of my life. I'm still in shock. It hasn't set in yet. Be jealous. Be very jealous. Goodnight.


-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tammy
DATE: 10/15/2006 15:40:31
I WENT TO THE CONCERT. didn't see you :( i liked kent, he was badass. You need to teach me how to play...I'm jealous of your weekend
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tammy
DATE: 11/07/2006 15:04:12
TIME TO UPDATE
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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for October 08, 2006
DATE: 10/08/2006 17:34:32
STATUS: publish
BODY:
So, all this buisness about "loving" the marching band?? Yea...about that



Once again, I've become a drama magnet. More than one person, in various positions of power (or lack thereof) seem to think they have the right to push me around. Talking about it just seems to cause more drama, so I suppose I'm left with the recourse of putting it down here - or at least trying to get some aggression out...I'll spare the details for fear of causeing yet more drama.Â

I just don't get it. I give up - I hate this band. I hate this place. OK, God, I found what I was waiting on...can I - can we - leave now?? Anywhere but here. New people, new places...I could even deal with new problems if for no other reason than they are new, at least for a little while. Hearing from Catherine Carroll that there's no drama (at least not in this same sense) at Notre Dame is not helping...except to hope that eventually...hopefully, when I leave this place things really will get better.Â

---

Elphaba:

KISS ME TOO FIERCELY, HOLD ME TOO TIGHT

I NEED HELP BELIEVING YOU'RE WITH ME TONIGHT

MY WILDEST DREAMINGS COULD NOT FORSEE

LYING BESIDE YOU WITH YOU WANTING ME

IF JUST FOR THIS MOMENT

AS LONG AS YOU'RE MINE

I'VE LOST ALL RESISTANCE

AND CROSSED SOME BORDERLINE

AND IF IT TURNS OUT

IT'S OVER TOO FAST

I'LL MAKE EVERY LAST MOMENT LAST

AS LONG AS YOU'RE MINE...

Fiyero:

MAYBE I'M BRAINLESS, MAYBE I'M WISE,

BUT YOU'VE GOT ME SEEING THROUGH DIFFERENT EYES,

SOMEHOW I'VE FALLEN UNDER YOUR SPELL

AND SOMEHOW I'M FEELING

IT'S UP THAT I FELL

Both:

EVERY MOMENT, AS LONG AS YOU'RE MINE

I'LL WAKE UP MY BODY

AND MAKE UP FOR LOST TIME
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tammy
DATE: 10/08/2006 21:28:41
You know how the main page has a small bit of your blog to show what you wrote about? It stops after various positions.....hehehe. you need to read wicked, but only after you finish watchers if you haven't read it
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tammy
DATE: 10/12/2006 22:13:10
TIME TO UPDATE


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--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for October 06, 2006
DATE: 10/06/2006 19:36:03
STATUS: publish
BODY:
It's only 10 o'clock and I'm so increadibly tired. It's been a really long day. Theory at 9:30 - boring as usual. Music history started as usual, and then Ms Tully gets a mysterious phone call and suddenly has to leave class. I thought it was a bit odd that she kept insisting that she'd "be ok" - I kinda had the feeling something was up, but none of us had any reason so suspect it was anything serious. So, I had a bit of a break in the day to get some food (a welcome change) and then Psych. Spent a bit of time with Lauren and Veronica (albiet it little, 'cus I had to move my stuff out of Lauren's room) and then marching band. Turns out that "mysterious phone call" was about Dr. Tully, and he's been admitted to the hospital. All the "powers that be" tell us is that everything is going to be ok, that it's routine or things of this nature - it's difficult to tell if they are being honest or simply keeping us from getting upset. Either way, they did a good job of damage control, and the concert tonight went off without a hitch, even without Dr T.

Lauren's parents are in town now - but I haven't had the chance to meet them yet - they came to the concert, but left before I was done breaking down equipment. It's gonna be weird not getting to see her so much this weekend.Â

But, my friends, it's been an increadibly long day. I feel as if I haven't had the chance to catch my breath since 9 this morning, so, to bed I go. Wish me luck in my master class in the morning, because I haven't had the time to practice much this weekend (thank God I'm playing the same piece this week I played last week!). And I still don't get to rest - Master class, then rehersal, and then the game tommorow. Guess there really is no rest for the Wicked!! (sry, got the musical stuck in my head - we played it in symphonic band, and Lauren just bought the CD... "I think I'll try defying gravity")


-----
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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for September 26, 2006
DATE: 09/26/2006 11:56:22
STATUS: publish
BODY:

---

I

Love

This

Band



...

finally
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tammy
DATE: 10/05/2006 21:47:12
So, you've told me to update you in my life with comments and this one I can put online. Today has been a bad day for brothers-in-law for me. One accidently ran over one of his dogs and the other one is just an asshole.
-----
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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for September 19, 2006
DATE: 09/19/2006 06:15:04
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Ladies and gentlemen, update time



I haven't been at my computer, much less online thelast several days. For those of you playing the home game, me and Laren are officially together - day after tommorow makes two weeks. [edit...wow, I just realized I don't remember exactly how long ago it was - it was possibly three weeks ago. When I figure it out, I'll post a definite date here] It's amazing - I'm lovin' it, she seems to be lovin' it, havin' the time of my life (quite possibly literally).Â

And yesterday was amazing. Just an honest ta' goodness good day. Classes were run of the mill - a test in Theory that I feel confidient about, Music history was boring but otherwise ok, Psychology was fairly decent and marching band wasn't too bad. I thought that the brass sectional was last night - which would have sucked, because that would force me to choose between playing the show with Bishop or going to sectionals, and I want to do both, but it turned out that sectionals are friday.Â

So, run home, grab my amp (which it turned out I didn't need, but o well) and me and Lauren went in the house to speak to mom for a bit. Drove to Socastee with Lauren and Veronica, and jammed with Bishop and one of the guys that works at the coffee shop for like 2 hours. Then the four of us (Me, Lauren, Veronica and Bishop) bummed around in the parking lot for probably an hour (which was amazingly fun...just don't ask) before deciding to go to the beach.Â

It was absoultly beautiful out last night. We had the most fun I've had in a long time. So, after playing on the beach for a couple hours, soaking wet (did I say "on" the beach? I ment "in" the water....yea...) we decided to retire to Bishop's place, given that he A) had enough beds for us and B) lived close to campus and C) this would not require me to sneak into Lauren's room as I usually do if we get back after the security guards are set up.Â

So, we bum around at Bishop's, play some music and watch tv before deciding to get some sleep given that we all had early classes.

Now, I know my demi-god is going "who the hell is Bishop?" Ok, he's a 20-something (probably mid-to-late-20s) student at CCU (one of those guys that "took a semester off"). He's Lauren's math tutor, but he also plays music and sings (...ok...probably reverse that order - sings, and kinda plays music, but that is neither here nor there). Music he claims is his "first love" and he's far more interested in playing music than "having a real job." It's so refreshing to meet someone who is actually interested in playing music.Â



Ahh...life is good...and now, I've got to get ready for class. PEACE


-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tammy
DATE: 09/23/2006 21:10:18
okay, so i'm supposed to update you on my life but i'm not a big fan of putting the important stuff where anybody can read it. but i did get back into contact with one of my friends from middle school, suprise suprise, it's a boy.
-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for September 12, 2006
DATE: 09/11/2006 21:02:10
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Ah, how life has a way of changing up on you. Well, my buisness has a way of turning bad when people talk, so if you need to know, I'll tell you. It's really no big secret, though. But life is a hel'uv'a lot better lately. :DÂ





....I'll never blink!!


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--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for September 06, 2006
DATE: 09/06/2006 11:46:19
STATUS: publish
BODY:
......AAAAHHHHAAAAHHHH.....

*insert random indications of frustration here*

---

I've posted it before, but I post it again



There are as many nights as days, and the one is just as long as the other in the year's course. Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word 'happy' would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.

-- Carl Jung.


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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tammy
DATE: 09/09/2006 20:54:40
okay, aaaahhhhaaaahhhh needs to be updated if i'm not going to get a chance to talk to you. oh yeah, i played some variation of ers tonight, neither of the other 2 people remembered all the rules so it was special.
-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for September 04, 2006
DATE: 09/04/2006 16:41:45
STATUS: publish
BODY:

Ya know...I just couldn't help but post this...Besides, everyone who frequents this page (all...one of you) already knows I'm a freak. From Studies in the Psychology of Sex: Volume III

The result of the love-bite in its extreme degree is to shed blood. This cannot be regarded as the direct aim of the bite in its normal manifestations, for the mingled feelings of close contact, of passionate gripping, of symbolic devouring, which constitute the emotional accompaniments of the bite would be too violently discomposed by actual wounding and real shedding of blood. With some persons, however, perhaps more especially women, the love-bite is really associated with a conscious desire, even if more or less restrained, to draw blood, a real delight in this process, a love of blood. Probably this only occurs in persons who are not absolutely normal, but on the borderland of the abnormal. We have to admit that this craving has, however, a perfectly normal basis. There is scarcely any natural object with so profoundly emotional an effect as blood, and it is very easy to understand why this should be so.[101]
-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for September 04, 2006
DATE: 09/04/2006 13:29:52
STATUS: publish
BODY:
O, my confidiente....I have stories....


-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for August 28, 2006
DATE: 08/27/2006 23:22:24
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Is this another one of those situations where every little detail I interpret as "maybe there is a chance!"? Â And I'm not putting much here - because once again, I'm not sure who frequents this page...my confidiente, I am gonna need some prayer tommorow night - one way or the other... Â At the very least, that I don't make a fool of myself. Â Why don't my hormones come with an "off" switch?



...and when I say tommorow night, I mean "tonight, 'cus it's like 3 in the morning...goodnight now.


-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for August 27, 2006
DATE: 08/27/2006 00:13:16
STATUS: publish
BODY:
ahhh...life sux...happy friggin' birthday...

Ask a question to which you don't want an answer, and expect an answer which you don't want to recieve. Â

And so I'm confused again...tommorow's gonna suck - I get to play happy host along with my step-grandmother at a joint birthday party...yay...Just hope they aren't too pissed when I leave early to go practice. Â O yea, did I mention how behind on practice I am? Â ...

And some shit has gone down with my father - and if he so much as thinks about calling me again, I'll give him a piece of my mind. Â I'm in the process of deciding wether I'm going to call him and bitch him out, or never speak to him again. Â I wonder if he's gonna call me and wish me happy birthday... Â
Cussing him out just might actually be a good birthday present - I need to vent.

Same shit, different year...Is it me that's not learning something, or karma just deciding to hate me? Â

-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for August 19, 2006
DATE: 08/19/2006 18:49:12
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Well, with at least two people now checking this page - or at least knowing about it - things may be a  bit more reserved (or at least moderated) for a while.  Until I decide how I feel about that.  I've encouraged people to visit this page for a long time now, but few people ever do - even less do so on a regular basis - so it's something to get used to.  Nonetheless, welcome Richie.  This is the best place for the latest info on my life, and the latest snapshots of my (not-so-stable) state of mind.

---

I once again remembered that I all too often see what I want to see. Â So, today, I went to the ocean and stared at the sea. Â I figured I might as well actually look at something I really do want to see for once. Â

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--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for August 15, 2006
DATE: 08/15/2006 00:25:18
STATUS: publish
BODY:
wow...so moved, but yet so sad. I won't post it here because it's so long, but read The Highwayman... So beautiful. I love Celtic literature.  Or better yet, get a copy of Loreena McKennitt singing it....it's so rare music moves me anymore.Â

And the highwayman came riding-

Riding-riding-

-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tammy
DATE: 08/16/2006 20:51:20
SOOOOO. I might view it odd but I think it's HORRIBLE that you're a music major and it doesn't move you very often anymore....
-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for August 13, 2006
DATE: 08/13/2006 20:11:13
STATUS: publish
BODY:
I was saddened, and then intrigued to discover something today. That vision I have - the one of "beauty" - where a woman is lying on a bed - I figured out who's hair it is that I see.... and it wasn't who I expected at all. Actually, I thought I hadn't met this person yet. It's not her face, or her body, though - just her hair (thus the intrigue).Â


-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for August 09, 2006
DATE: 08/08/2006 23:23:27
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Demi-god - I have stories.Â

And it's absoultly not what you are thinking - although I bet you're in the ballpark. I'll fill you in tommorow - or, then again, I might not be online again! Who know - but you'll be the first to hear. Talk to you later - PEACE



(BTW, am I the only one that finds it weird that this blog is becomming like my personal e-mail like to you? I wonder if anyone else actually still reads it.)




-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for August 08, 2006
DATE: 08/08/2006 08:19:43
STATUS: publish
BODY:

Finally got the net up and running in my dorm. Don't know exactly how. The new wireless adapter I bought for my ancient desktop just inexplicably started working. I worked on it for three days, and spent two nights on the phone with technical support (read: guys from India that know less about computers than me) and nothing could fix it - and them from outta nowhere, "You are now connected to CCUnwired." I'm not argueing.Â

So, yea, band camp is underway - and speaking of which, I gotta go get lunch and head to the band room. More updates lata. PEACE

-----
--------
AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for August 02, 2006
DATE: 08/02/2006 18:03:46
STATUS: publish
BODY:
And as crappy a mood asI was in last night, I feel pretty good today. Practice at Aynor went really well. I'm pround of the band for getting as much done in as little time as they have - and I'm kinda proud of myself, of my teaching. We actually got work done in sectionals today. Felt good to work and hear the music improve - the entire low brass section has the first tune and all the warm up exercies memorized and now we're cleaning the first tune. I'm probably a dork for being proud of that, but there are some kids that I never would have imagined would make good leaders that are stepping it up, and the rookies are starting to get it - it's so trippy to see the band now. I feel like the band's twisted uncle - I'm the only brass player staff, and the band is almost entierly brass (well, besides Andrew, but the low brass hates working with him - and that's not my words, that's from the players). And speaking of the band being mostly brass - it's LOUD! The band is small again - about the same size as last year, which will probably make them 1A most competetions, and they're still crankin - and not sounding bad, either.Â

Â

Ok, yea, I just spent a paragraph ranting about a band that I'm not even a part of anymore - but today was a good day, so, deal with it. PEACE


-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tammy
DATE: 08/02/2006 21:03:53
They're your babies, you ought to be proud. It's okay to talk about a band even if you arent a member (you're still part of if you're teching for them)
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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for August 01, 2006
DATE: 08/01/2006 20:07:46
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Fake people....there are alot of fake people in my life.



I don't suppose you can say I "realized" it, so much as "remembered" it, but I "remembered" the other day just how few friends I have...and it's getting to the point where I wonder if I have any friends at all. The trippy thing is, I was talking to one of my "not-friends" about how neither one of us has very many friends, when she's one of the fakest of them all!Â



I know my demi-god is going to read this. My long running friendship, and one of, if not the dearest to me....and I struggle to name any more.Â

There are a couple people I care about - people who used to be friends with me that for some reason refuse to keep in regular contact. And a few people I respect...but I wonder if you could call my relationship with either of those groups of people "friendship."Â



I reiterate...a whole lot of fake people in my life...



So many sometimes I wonder what it means to be not-fake....am I fake??Â





Tommorow I get up at 6:30 to make it to Aynor by 7...I move into my dorms in less than a week...summer's basically over for me. And the whole cycle starts again. Somehow, I don't know that I will have the energy or will to finish another year if this keeps up the way it's been going. ....marching band had damn well better not be as bad this year....


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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tammy
DATE: 08/02/2006 20:57:42
You're not fake, atleast I don't think so, but then again I may be fake. If I read it right, you said I was one of your few friends and a good one at that. That makes me happy, thank you. I hope you feel better but remember that 99% of the world is fake in some way, shape or form. It's just the extent of their fakeness that you need to take in. I hope this makes sense to you.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Jonathan W
DATE: 08/12/2006 11:21:02
Hey Man, all I have to say is that I still consider you a friend. I really miss all the fun time we had together. Things went awry. Sorry for that. You still have a bro-ha who is proud of you and keeps you in his prayers. Just remember that we made a promise to never let anything break pur friendship. Please e-mail me sometime. We have much to talk about. Peace, Love, and Serenity
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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for July 30, 2006
DATE: 07/29/2006 21:21:34
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Son: "So, what denomination are we?"

Mom: "Well...we believe in being...umm...good....We're good people..."

Dad: "But we're non-practicing."

---

So, today was largely uneventful - finally heard from mom and Charles when they got back to NY after not hearing from them the whole time they were in Italy. Â They are fine, but tired. Â

But, uneventful as it was, the day was still cool - like a 12 hour Alton  Brown "Good Eats" marathon, leading up to the premire of "Feasting on Asphalt," a show I've been looking foward to for months (plus, the show started off in the South, and while it never goes quite as close as Horry County, I have been to a couple of the places he goes.  Pretty cool!).  I was amused at the fact that, despite being raised in rural Georgia, most of the cooks he encounters assume he's a Yankee uninitiated in the arts of southern food. Â


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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for July 27, 2006
DATE: 07/27/2006 01:15:37
STATUS: publish
BODY:
" The record industry's re-enactment of George Orwell's 1984."



This was a statement made by a proponent of client-to-client file sharing on a site advocating free-software I frequent, about the hated RIAA. Probably the truest jab at the "Rich Idiots Abusing Artists" I've heard yet.Â



(sry, my demigod, afraid there's little for you in this entry)


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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for July 24, 2006
DATE: 07/24/2006 08:04:52
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Interesting dream last night.

I had the knowledge in the dream that I was on my New York trip.  Or rather, that I was on the way home.  But it is fall in the dream, and neither Ashley nor Christina is with me.  I get lost - but I think I consciouslly kinda navigated in the wrong direction a little - and ended up going north.  By the time I realized wear I was, I was in Connecticut - lo and behold, near Hartford, wear Kryssi is.  Somewhere in all of this, my mother arrives - I'm vaguely aware of the fact that she is there to help me because I was lost.  We go to a convience store on a semi-back road in Connecticut, and while waiting in line I begin talking to mom about us going to Hart so I can see Kryssi.  I tell her that the school's gotta be close, and so it won't be far out of our way - when a couple of college girls in line beside us chime in, saying that the school is in fact nearby - that they in fact go to Hart - and that after coming so far I should be allowed to go these last few miles to see my friend (how they knew I had come from far away, I do not know).
So, last thing I remember was leaving the convience store, presumably headed for Hart.
I remember alot of yellows and bright colors - and I rarely dream in yellow. I remember seeing the map alot, especially before the convience store.
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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for July 24, 2006
DATE: 07/23/2006 22:25:42
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Did I ever mention that I love the Boondocks?? Â

"This 'soul food' is destructive."
"Boy, this food is your culture!"
"Then the culture is destructive."

Finally, someone said it. Â Just because it's "history" - just because it's "culture" - just because it's "the way things are" doesn't mean it's "good." Â

A third party observer in the tv show went on to say,
"He's right, you know. Â The slaves were forced to eat the parts of the animals that their master slave owners wouldn't eat, but that was a survival technique. Â [holds up intestines, otherwise known as "chitlins"] I don't think people are actually supposed to eat this stuff."

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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for July 24, 2006
DATE: 07/23/2006 21:41:28
STATUS: publish
BODY:
My evenings have been boring lately! My demi-god hasn't been online in the evenings!Â

That and the fact that there was a "Gathering" in honor of Herb's return (even if he's only here for a week - any excuse for a party)....and I really didn't feel like going. So, I stayed at home and - what else - worked on my computer. Of course - out of that evening may be something worth reporting - but not on here. IM me soon, my demi-god. PEACE,

Moses


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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for July 20, 2006
DATE: 07/20/2006 17:39:16
STATUS: publish
BODY:
So, when we last left our heros, the final day had come to a close. Â They slept, two of them preparing to return home, the other preparing to be seperated.

So, we got up in the morning, hurriedly prepared and packed, 'cus Christina had to get to work. Â We checked out - the owner said nothing about the (rather extensive) damage we had done in the course of our stay, and so we started to get outta there in case he changed his mind (that and the fact that we didn't wanna spend any more time in that devil place). Â So, we get in the car......and I first noticed something was screwy when the power locks didn't work, and I had to let the girls in manually....and then when I put the key in the ignition the lights didn't come on the dashboard...

Sure enough, the battery's dead. Â Not kinda dead, not "the engine will turn over, but won't start" - dead. Â Lovely. Â

So, big suprise, Christina immediatly gets on the phone calling people - to get her a ride to work. Â Ok, yea, in the end it was her cell phone that got someone to jump my car off (her uncle, I believe) but it irked both me and Ash that her first thought was for herself. Â

So, yea, after a good hour of watching her uncle shock himself and me and Ash talking to our parents on cell phones, Christina rode to work with her uncle and me and Ash headed towards WV.


The ride home was essentially uneventful. Â Once we got gas, and determined that the vehicle would in fact start again, we relaxed a bit. Â We got back to Ashley's, me and Ash sat around, watched tv (she has the complete series of Freeks and Geeks - man I feel old!). Â

We got to bed kinda late, got up in the morning and had breakfast, and then I headed out. Â

Getting back was a bit trickier than getting there - I had grown accustomed to haveingÂ
The World's Best Naviagtor at my side.  But, once I made it to I-95, I was as good as home.  I got in around 8:30...
And so, finally, thus ends the epic. Â

New York, fuckin' New York - definatly still a place I'm considering living after I graduate, if I don't go to school there! Â The only screwy thing is that my favorite part of the city is the south end - around Soho and Greenwich (everyone says how chic and expensive Greenwich has become - and yea, the shops have, but it looked to me like it still retained a good bit of it's bohemian past), but the school I'm looking at is in the north end, right in the middle of Harlem. Â


But, there are still a couple of assorted tidbits that I couldn't find a place for in the epic chronologically. Â The first day we were there - I think before Christina put a hole in the way... Â anway, we were still getting in a getting settled, and the current went out. Â We went and told the guy in the office, and he said he'd flip the breaker. Â He comes to our room in a few minutes, and asks, in a heavy Indian accent, "Did you guys plug in any gadgets?" Â Which was the source of amusement for us for the rest of the week - we were so evil to this guy....behind his back, of course.
On thursday when I was getting my shower, I adjusted the showerhead, and it came off in my hands.Â
 I tried to replace it, but no matter how tight I screwed it on water still came out of the sides.

Christina managed to pull one of the handles off of a drawer.

On the train the night we got lost in White Plains - and I forget the reason why - we started quoting the scene from The Lion King where the hyennas are going "Mufassa" "oooo....say it again" "Mu-FA-sa" "oooo" "mufassa Mufassa MUFASSA!!"
Later on that night we bumped into a guy that was on the train with us - he immediatly identified us as "yea, the 'mufassa' crowd." Unfortunatly, he couldn't give us directions.
The next day (or maybe the one after that) he was on the train with us again.

....hmm...and I believe, my friends, that just about does it. And I can't wait to go back!!!!
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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for July 20, 2006
DATE: 07/20/2006 16:56:00
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Alright...

NY PART VI



Friday, our last day in the city.
We got up, and Christina wanted us to go to the Cheesecake Factory for lunch, in Rye - which, I have to admit, was pretty good. Then we went to the mall in Rye - which, again, was nice. Then Christina tells me there's a Sam Ash (a major music equipment outlet) store in Rye. So, we went there for a couple hours - but they really didn't have anything interesting in stock. So, we left from there and walked to the train station in Rye, and went into the city and met up with one of Christina friends, Chris - who actually turned out to be a pretty cool dude (in contrast to my opinion of most of the rest of her friends). We had a long convo on the subway about music - I was happy.

We went to CBGB's - which me and Ashley had been talking about all week - but unfortunately that night there was a concert goin on that you had to have tickets for, and Chris said something about having to be 21 to get in, at which point the girls kinda gave up and we just walked away. So, we got some food at McDonald's and took it to a really nice, small park in midtown. It was nice a peaceful, believe it or not (well, it was 1 in the morning). So, when we left there, once again, we had to haul ass to keep from missing the last train back to White Plains. We were all tired, but it was our last night in the city and we weren't ready to end it just yet - but at the same time, after a week of walking around Manhattan we didn't have the will power to do anything requiring energy.
So, it turns out there's a small park in White Plains, too, and it just happens to be near Chris's house. So, we hung out there and just chilled and talked till around 3 in the morning - when Chris walked home and we caught a cab back to our motel.



And so, tired and worn out, we slept. Thus ends out last day in the city...



But the epic isn't over, just yet...

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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for July 20, 2006
DATE: 07/19/2006 22:07:27
STATUS: publish
BODY:
NY PART V





When we last left our heros - the third day had come to a close, and Christina had work in the morning.





So, when me and Ash got up Christina was already gone. So, we got dressed and got a train into the city. Walked around for a bit, got breakfast near Time Square, and then headed to City College, which I wanted to see. The campus is increadible, and it's not that outrageously expensive. Unfortunatly I didn't get to meet John Patitucci, the teacher I want to study under. NEway, we walked around the campus for a few hours, and then caught the subway back out of Harlem.

We got off at....I believe 96th street, near Central Park. Â Me and Ashley walked from the east side at 96th, all the way to the west side at the south end of Central Park, and then to Time Square, where we ate dinner at ESPN Zone, and then caught the train back into White Plains to go to bed. Â


Once again, a day that goes very good leaves little for these blogs - because it was a good day, not really an adventure. Â It was so good not to have Christina incessantly on her cell phone - and me and Ashley mused on our mutual apathy as to wether or not Christina would be with us the next day on the train ride home. Â





And so, tired but only marginally worn out, we slept. Â And so ends the fourth day in the city. Â



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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for July 19, 2006
DATE: 07/19/2006 21:32:18
STATUS: publish
BODY:
NY PART IV

Alright, when we last left our heros they had once again found the motel, and the second day had come to a close.

Wednesday was the actual interesting day.  Unfortunatly for you guys, "interesting" for us means there aren't a whole lot of adventures to report.  We took the subway to Greenwich Village.  From there we walked to Soho and into Chinatown, where the girls proceded to shop for a good hour. Â
NEway, around 6 it started pouring down rain, and we had to get back to midtown and to broadway to get our tickets to Rent. Â And BTW - RENT WAS AWESOME. Â The Roger was very different - brought kinda a dark aspect to the character. Â And I wasn't crazy about the Mimi. Â But still - I was the highlight of the whole trip. Â Actually seeing the funeral scene, right there in front of your eyes - and then the ending....whoa....
Yea, anyway
So, we left the theater, and it started raining again - by the time we walked to Time Square we were soaked and freezing. Â We had been intending to go to Virgin records - and when we saw it we decided to go in, if for no other reason than to seek shelter. Â We ended up staying for three hours. Â Me and Ashley were in heaven. Â They basically had to kick us out - we were stuck away in a back corner pouring over some section that no one ever goes to, and they closed before we left - well, they say "closed," they weren't letting anyone else in, and you had to check out or leave. Â
NEway, so, after that we catch, once again, the last train back to white plains, only this time we take a cab back to our motel - and crash, tired and sore and worn out. Â And so ends the third day in the city. Â

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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for July 18, 2006
DATE: 07/18/2006 15:22:11
STATUS: publish
BODY:
NY PART III



Alright, when we last left our heros...

We had finally made it out of the projects and into bed.



And I almost forgot one of the most talked about adventures. As we got back to the motel that night (well, I guess that morning) Christina once again begins incessantly talking on her phone (who are you gonna call at 3 in the morning??) and sits on the floor of this motel and leans against the wall to talk.....the sheetrock wall collapses.

Alright, it didn't exactly cave in on her - but it did but a ragged dent the size of her back in the wall (since sheetrock can't bent, it cracks). We would eventually come to realize there's no way the motel owner would say anything to us about it, since making an issue about it would get the state building inspector involved (and there's no way the building would pass code), but at the time we were tired and not thinking clearly, and it scared the crap out of us. Me and Ash got a handle on it realatively quickly, but Christina was still freaking out in the morning. She wanted to put our luggage in front of the hole so the maid wouldn't see it. (BTW, out "maid" only came once the whole week)Â







Tuesday was one of the more irritating days. Christina insisted we go to where she works for lunch - me and Ash were thinking this would be no big thing, and then we'd head into the city. We slept in a bit - probably 2 - and then got a cab to Rye. We had a nice relaxing lunch. Cosi has this really bizarre thing where you can make smores at your table. They bring out this little minature firepit, marshmallows, graham cracker and a couple of Hershey bars. It was pretty cool - the highlight of the day. Then, around sunset, Christina is dead set on us going to see Rye Playland - even though her co-workers say it's closing soon (it turns out it wasn't closing until 11...but you'll see how that plays out).  She says it's right down the street - so I figure if it's not that far a walk it might be worth it even if all we do is get to see it. I do love amusement parks.Â

Well, we end up way out in the 'burbs of Rye around sunset. Christina takes us by her high school - which was kinda cool - but once again, went to NY to go to NYC, not to walk around the 'burbs. Once again, we end up "going right down the street," where Christina knows exactly where we're going.....when 30 minutes later she's on her phone. "Do you know how to get to Playland."........I was just a bit pissed.

We finally get there....around 11 o'clock. We left at sunset...it is not 11....Blakey's not happy. The reason we kept on heading to Playland is because she said she knew someone who was there who could give us a ride - so the whole way there I'm thinking that this walk will be worth it, cus soon we'll be heading back...soon we'll be heading back.......soon we'll be heading back...............we'd freaking better get there soon..........and then I realize that she still hasn't been able to actually contact these "friends" of her's.....

And sure enough, when we get there her friends have already left. So we sit on a bench outside the closed park for 20 minutes as she talks on that nefarious phone of her's, trying to get us a ride before I finally snap and make her call a cab. Well, there's no cab's running in Rye that late - they run in the city and in White Plains until midnight, but of course, in Rye they stop sooner....of course....

So we end up on the bus. A bus...on the interstate in New York...and by this time it's near midnight.... lovely.

And we finally make it back to the motel. Tired and worn out and sore. And Christina immediatly starts talking on her phone...again... (did I mention I hate that phone?) And such ends our second day in the city.








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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tammy
DATE: 07/18/2006 19:59:32
Smart Blakey-poo would have written this down as the days went on so Tammy wouldn't complain about stories in bits and pieces.....HURRY UP WITH THE REST
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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for July 18, 2006
DATE: 07/18/2006 12:23:51
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Alright - when we last left our heros, we had just gotten to our motel. We check in, and get our first look at home away from home.......

wow, what a hell-hole....

No phone, no Bible, no padding under the floor (if you stepped in the wrong place, you stepped on a tackboard), moth-ridden thin blankets, paint peeling...

I could go on.Â

But, we were just happy to have our hotel. Me and Ashley desperatly needed a shower, so we unpacked and got cleaned up. We were bound and determined to go into the city that day - so despite it being around 10 when we finally headed out, we went anyway. We got a train to Grand Central. We decided to head towards Time Square - we didn't have time to do anything but just look around a bit and then get a bite to eat (Planet Hollywood - just an appetizer) before we had to head back to catch the last train (which we almost missed) back to White Plains.Â

Now then, if I have my timeline correct, it was this night that was our next big adventure.

The taxies generally stop running around midnight, so when we got back (around 1:30), we had to walk back to our motel - which was just a couple miles, and it was the beginning of the week, so it didn't bother us too much.Â

Except that Christina "knows exactly how to get there".....a story that was repeated a number of times.Â

So, after wandering in what we assumed was the general direction of Central Avenue. I'd say two miles down this increasingly gritty looking street, we realize that it's even grungier than Central Avenue - ergo, we're lost. So, Christina gets on her ever-present phone - the one time in the entire vacation I'm glad she had that nefarious thing - and calls one of her friends and tells him where we are - his first words are "Get out of there."Â





We were in the projects.





Lovely.Â

And it gets better.

Christina's navigation of this guy's directions don't lead us to Central Ave - they lead us back into the city. The bad news is that's exactly the opposite of where we wanted to go, the good news is that at least we have our bearing now. And Ashley - the world's greatest naviator - recognized within a few blocks how to get back. But does Christina see that?? I'll give you three guesses, and the first two don't count.

As if she wasn't difficult enough to deal with on a normal day, tired and frustrated she's a full on drama queen. So, after a bit of argueing, fussing, and eventually stopping on a street corner unable to come to a consensus how to procede - Christina concedes to listen to Ashley (actually, it was more of me and Ashley walking, and Christina basically din't have a choice but to follow us or be left alone).Â

We probably finally got back to our hotel at 3 or 3:30. Ashley had huge blisters on her heel, and all of us had aching feet. But we were just happy that were back in the motel - alive!Â

And, so, tired, worn out, so ends the first day in the city.Â




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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for July 18, 2006
DATE: 07/18/2006 09:55:31
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Alright, I've promised you storied about NY. Well, here they are. Or, at least, here they begin. It could take me a while to get the entire epic of this adventure written down.Â



The stories begin even before I get out of West Virgina. (For those playing the home game, I spent the night with my friend in West Virgina, and then the two of us left Sunday morning for NY.) I left my luggage at her house. Luckily her parents saw it, and since they were going out anyway offered to bring it to us.Â

Well, while I was turning around to get to a place to park and wait for them, I get stuck in a ditch. It was a really shallow ditch - so small I didn't even see it until I felt the car drop. And it's a good thing it was narrow, 'cus I was bound and determined to get out of there without involving anyone else. I was NOT gonna let my car stop me. So I throw it in low gear and climb out of this ditch - all the while throwing grass and dirt into the adjoining suburban yard. When I finally get out - I see an elderly couple (likey the owners said suburban yar) staring at me... opps....

Anyway, her parents come with my luggage, and we contine onwards to NY.



The first real adventure happened on the road in PA. A white van was mereging in on me. As I checked to see if I had room to get over and let this guy in, I notice the truck in front of me lose a wheel. Not the tire, the whole wheel. This wheel goes careening off the road to my right. Bear in mind, I still have a van mereging in on me. The funniest thing was that the truck was still going. He managed to get over to the shoulder, and the bare wheelwell was throwing dirt everywhere. So, I don't have anywhere to go to let the van in, and I'm still trying to keep an eye on this wheel. When I finally have to look back at the road, I tell Ashley to "keep an eye on that thing." No sooner do I say that than she says "It's coming back." I look over, and this magic wheel has stopped bouncing to the right, and it not rolling...back towards the road.....towards me!!! So, somehow, I manage to get over, avoid this magic wheel, and let the van in. All this time me and Ash were in essentially silence - just processing all the information we were watching. As soon as it was over, I just said, "Ya know...I get the feeling we just watched the first in what will be a long string of adventures this week..." And I was right.



There were a couple more minor events on the way there - like traffic coming to a complete stop in one lane of the interstate in Jersey, and then us having to mere into the densest traffic I had ever driven in...moving at 80 mph, and then getting stuck in a city in NJ where we couldn't figure out how to get back to the interstate, even though we knew exactly where it was - but for the most part, the rest of the trip up was realitively uneventful, and we got to Rye, NY safe and sound.Â



Christina's adventure started before she even got in the car! We went to Christina's job - Cosi, a kinda coffee-house/diner - to pick her up. Well, it was a busy street, and there was nowhere to park, so we had to have her jump in while we were on the street - but she goes for the side where I got in the wreck and the door doesn't open. So we had to turn down a side street and have her run after us - still in her heels from work.Â



So, we drive to White Plains where our hotel is - and I discover just how horrible Christina is at navigating - and we finally make it to our hotel.....excuse me, motel.  Â



Alright, and now my hands are getting sore - the epic is just beginning - much more to come! Sry, Tammy, that I didn't have much new information for you. COMING SOON, NY, part 2.






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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for July 02, 2006
DATE: 07/01/2006 22:53:17
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Do you ever get the feeling that music is the only thing that listens to you?


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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for June 24, 2006
DATE: 06/23/2006 23:30:40
STATUS: publish
BODY:
The following statement is true:

the preceding statement was false.


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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for June 22, 2006
DATE: 06/22/2006 18:46:40
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Tear down the walls

Wake up the world

Ignorance is not bliss

So fed up with second best

Our time is here and now



I am the enemy

I am the antidote

Watch me closely

I will stand up - now



We will rise

Rise above



Stereotype Fools

Playing the game

Nothing unique

They all look the same

In this sea of mediocrity

I can be anything

Anything I want to be



We will rise



-Arch Enemy




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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for June 21, 2006
DATE: 06/21/2006 14:44:07
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Well, the walls once again have ears - and mouths. Will people never learn that telling someone what was said in confidence about them will never reap good results??? People, come on - when I have a conversation with you in confidence, especially if it's about my relationship with another person, I'll say things that don't reflect my overall feelings - Most people, myself included, talk about a specific thing, whatever is bothering them at the time, when they come to someone seeking advice. If I'm feeling bummed, I'll talk to you about what about the situation makes me sad - if I'm feeling angry, I'll talk about what sets me off. But you - you only have part of the puzzle. SO SHUT UP. Keep my confidences, and maybe people will stop being pissed at me as often. I piss people off enough on my own, I don't need your help.Â





I felt it shelter to speak to you. ~Emily Dickinson


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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for June 18, 2006
DATE: 06/18/2006 18:27:12
STATUS: publish
BODY:
My hero, Carl Jung, has put elegantly, and succiently, a concept I've tried to explain countless times. You've probably heard me describe it as a "roller coaster" - Jung puts it like this:



There are as many nights as days, and the one is just as long as the other in the year's course. Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word 'happy' would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. --Carl Jung




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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for June 18, 2006
DATE: 06/17/2006 21:42:00
STATUS: publish
BODY:
"Q: do you wish upon stars:

A: not anymore, i switched to eyelashes"



6 words that might as well be the final nail in the coffin. Ya know, maybe the cosmos are finally working out for once - because every time I'm ready to put this whole saga behind me, it keeps coming back. But every time it comes back, I'm supplied with the proof that I have lost nothing.Â




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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for June 17, 2006
DATE: 06/17/2006 14:14:10
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Wow...the hacker community has a sense of humor all it's own. I'm not sure if there's anyone dorky enough to get this joke that frequents this page, but I thought I'd share anyway.Â



"Â Authorized users should obtain the OSX files from Apple. It is illegal to obtain them from torrent sites by searching under the following keywords: "VMWare files for patched Mac OS X Tiger Intel"Â Â "




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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for June 17, 2006
DATE: 06/17/2006 10:25:43
STATUS: publish
BODY:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the

 intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body,

 but rather to skid in sideways -

Â

 Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other -

 body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming --- "WOO HOO, What a Ride!"



Yea, I know - it's been floating around the net for years. Not even something I live by all the time - but what a notion. For someone who absoultly loves that feeling of getting back to the station of a roller coaster, it's a very effective analogy...definatly something for me to think about.Â




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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for June 10, 2006
DATE: 06/10/2006 06:59:49
STATUS: publish
BODY:
You know, I don't really know that there's a cure, or anything you can do about it, when your emotions and what your head says you should feel continously don't agree. When time after time something happens that is reason for you to be happy, and you know you should be happy...and you just can't do it. You're not happy, and there's not a damned thing you can do about it. You can put on a happy face. Act like you know you're supposed to. Hope that if you act like you're supposed to, eventually you'll feel that way. And it never happens. So what do you do? Continue to live life, all too often putting on an act. Or do you act like you really are, and piss off even more people? Probably once again overthinking things...but I just had to write this down.


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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for June 10, 2006
DATE: 06/09/2006 21:25:55
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Stolen from an somewhat random facebook page - It's a thought that's, at least marginally accurate in relation to me - thought I'd at least post it so I don't forget it. Maybe I'll write more about it later.



"Sometimes people put up walls, not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down....."




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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for June 07, 2006
DATE: 06/06/2006 23:07:21
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Wow, a quantom physics joke on Futurama - I just gotta put this up.



It was a horse race, and it came down to a "microscope finish" - an electron microscope. When the winner was announced, the professor shouted, "No fair! You changed the outcome by measuring it!"




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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for June 05, 2006
DATE: 06/04/2006 23:52:36
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Those who dream by night, in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that all was vanity; but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dream with open eyes, and make it possible. - T. E. Lawrence


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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for June 03, 2006
DATE: 06/02/2006 23:37:12
STATUS: publish
BODY:
What a horrible end to a otherwise beautiful day. Got my first ticket - and it was for not coming to a complete stop at a stop sign, and the dude still gives me a $150 citation - first offense! Now I'm majorly bummed. I can't stand that. I had such a good day, I was feeling great. And now I feel like crap - and it's all the worse because just 10 minutes ago I felt great. Something in the universe is a-tilt, and that usually means me.....


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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for May 26, 2006
DATE: 05/26/2006 17:11:21
STATUS: publish
BODY:
What an artist God is. For the last several days the sunset here has been spectatular - just overwhelming in it's beauty. And then, today, it was as if God decided to be a minumalist - two huge clouds, backlit with just the edges showing light through, covered much of the sunset - except for one stark red streak that blazed across the sky in sharp contrast to the rest. It took my breath away - which could have been a bad thing considering I was driving.Â

There have been just random thunderstorms over the last several days - just beautiful. They come out of nowhere - sometimes only last a few minutes, occasionally all night. There was one this afternoon - started just after I started working on a new song on the computer. Heck of a backdrop - I might actually work a thunder sound effect into the song (because you completly wouldn't expect it - it's a happy song). Like some heavenly orchestra putting on a concert series - I wonder what they'll be playing tonight.

PEACE




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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for May 25, 2006
DATE: 05/25/2006 15:53:54
STATUS: publish
BODY:
I've determined that the most important thing on my list of "What I need to learn" has nothing to do with school or music (although those bass exercises are a close second) or anything tangible or even academic - but I need to learn that when someone else feels like crap, I don't necessarily have to feel like crap with them.


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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for May 21, 2006
DATE: 05/20/2006 21:54:16
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Disclaimer: The following is written in anger. I may or may not acknoledge any of these oppinions in the morning.Â

---------------------------------- Â



Don't you feel the need to at least give me a covnersation?? After all the stuff I put up with, I'm not even asking for a definate answer, but a conversation would be nice. For you to at least once act like you gave a damn - act like you cared. But you don't do you? Are you enjoying the ride - because I stopped having fun a while back. Good for you that right now you're the most interesting thing in my life right now - but that's not saying alot.Â

If it makes you feel any better, once again you've manged to be interesting - and it's about time. I'm angry. First time I've been angry in a while. Kinda interesting. Congragu-fucking-lations. Now if only you gave a damn.Â

I don't know why I care so much - why it bothers me. There's no way anything would happen. See, it requires two people - and I'm finally fed up with doing all the giving.Â




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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for May 15, 2006
DATE: 05/15/2006 20:57:08
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Apparently this site is still undiscovered by a certain someone. Either she hasn't found it yet or she's doing a damn good job of hiding it, because I would have guessed she'd have done her homework.

So...yea...Â

I was definatly willing to let what's been going on lately go and just deal with what it had become.Â

And then today. It didn't take a rocket scientist to tell there was something on her mind. She claimed it was money problems - which I knew she had, but the look in her eyes wasn't money problems. So yea, turns out it's the same damn feeling I have oh...only...about 500 times a month - as she put it, "I desperatly want to get swept off my feet." Damn it, I want to make this girl happy. I see 5 billion problems, I see so much crap - I see her being unsatisfied. But with all my issues, I know damn well I can do better than what she's had - and I may not be enough to keep her interest long enough to marry the girl, but she'd be happy for a while. Is that such an evil desire?Â

Ok, so, a wise woman recently told me that it's all preperation for a more worthwhile relationship - cool, I've known that for a long time and I accepted that a long time ago - but would it screw up the cosmos so much for me to "learn" and "undergo preperation" in the form of a short-term relationship??Â

So, in all likelyhood, none of the mysterious interests she's mentioned are me - cool , that's what I thought to begin with. But it's annyoing, damn it. Apparently I hadn't accepted it as much as I thought.



O - BTW - remember the song "Kiss by a Rose" by Seal? Every wonder why it has such a weird feel to it?? For all you music geeks, the first chord is major, and the melody is major - and the rest of the chords are in the parallel minor - and the melody changes keys with it. So the entire time the song is back and forth - major, minor, happy, sad. It's always ambgious where it's gonna land - on the major or minor tonic. When it goes to the chorus it resolves minor, the bridge resolves major.Â

A melody that you can't tell what key it's in, it feels really weird, but you only realize how bizare it is if you think about it, and you never know where it's gonna end up until it gets there. How ironic.



And a friend of mine happened upon a little typo that I liked and I just thought I'd record here - maybe the start of a song lyrics??Â

"stuck between

a rock and a heart place"




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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for May 14, 2006
DATE: 05/14/2006 13:39:02
STATUS: publish
BODY:
I just walked outside, and in my field of vision the whole sky was clear and blue - and then it started raining. The sun was shining, and only a little muted by the clouds that I knew were right over my head - I never turned to look at them. Everything I could see was fine, and the sky was happy, but at the same time, the sky was crying. Seemed to fit my mood.


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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for May 02, 2006
DATE: 05/02/2006 20:17:27
STATUS: publish
BODY:
In the not-so-distant past I told someone that oftentimes I purposely put myself in emotionally-precarious situations, expecting to get hurt, for the main purpose of indulging in that "emotional roller coaster" that I talk about so often. To have both lows and highs in life. That it's almost I go to the valley just to enjoy the mountain.Â

Well, it would seem I've thrown myself into the valley again. And the idiots outside my window blasting every sad song they can get their hands on doesn't help. If I hear Eve 6 one more time... Great, and now they're playing "Have you Ever Seen the Rain?" Just what I need. 24 hour quiet hours my ass...

 So, yea, I'm having a lovely evening. And my sightsinging exam is tommorow...joy.

Great...and now Steallar, by Incubus...this is just what I need to be hearing...it's almost physically painful at this point. And there's nothing wrong - there's absoultly nothing wrong - I've just convinced myself that there is (the only scary part is that my premonitions have been eriely accurate lately...). It's almost as if my hormones are going "ok, you've been happy long enough, time to pay!"  I really don't want to be alone tonight, but I am...




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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for April 17, 2006
DATE: 04/17/2006 09:57:19
STATUS: publish
BODY:
I was reading through my blogs on the old Buddy4u page, when I came across the entry about me seeing two shooting stars in one night (12/13/05). And I had the strangest feeling that I may have found just what it is that "I want." It's not anything like what I thought it would be. And that's kinda half the fun of it. The other night when me and Quammie were walking on the beach, I saw another shooting star.Â


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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for April 15, 2006
DATE: 04/15/2006 18:16:08
STATUS: publish
BODY:
As awesome as the recent events in my life have been, I've recently discovered it's a very one dimensional upgrade. Not that the person is one dimensional - but that without being around that person, my life is increadibly dull. I knew life was boring before we started hanging out, but only now do I realize how increadibly boring Coastal life was. I seriously need to find another group of people to hang out with - at the risk of sounding insulting, which I most definatly do not intend - a "plan B."Â


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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for April 09, 2006
DATE: 04/09/2006 17:28:28
STATUS: publish
BODY:
What a paradox my life has been lately. It's like there are two people in my head...come to think of it, it's no real suprise. After all, remember that buddy4u entry I wrote a while back about there being so many different sides to me?Â

But lately it's been two voices - just diametricly opposed. Two complete opposites - not fighting, but co-existing. And it getting a bit nutty! Even my dreams have reflected it.Â

I dunno that I can say much more, 'cus I get the feeling this blog is being viewed by more people than I had thought...one in particular. Not that I mind them reading, I just have to be careful that things aren't misinterperted. Sry if this is all so cryptic - like I said, I have to rethink just how much I post for the world to see.Â




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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for April 03, 2006
DATE: 04/03/2006 20:57:46
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Yea, I know it's the same night and only about 20 minutes later than the last entry - but this definatly deserved it's own entry.



I hope you read this. You know who you are. All I have to say is that everyone gets into arguments. No relationship, wether it be a friendship or romanace or marriage or anything - any time two people spend time together, there is going to be friction. All tonight tells me is that we're both human. Makes me smile, actually - I can say "this isn't fake. What's going on - whatever it may be - is real."




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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for April 03, 2006
DATE: 04/03/2006 20:24:58
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Just felt like the blog needed an update.



I really wish I had something like this private. I'm in that mood again, where I have so much running through my head, and I don't know how to say any of it. And what I do know how to say, I'm not commiting to public, tangible form.  Â

I'll just say "deja vu" and "what are we?" and hope that's cryptic enough that no one understands but me...




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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for March 22, 2006
DATE: 03/22/2006 20:25:56
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Thought it was about time to update the Yahoo page. There really isn't any particular event worth reporting, but life has been more interesting lately. Yea, I'm talking about Erin. I haven't said much about that on here, and that's probably just as well. If you need to know anything, I've probably already told you. We've been hanging out alot lately, and it's awesome to have something of a kindred spirit to hang out with.Â

But, today, I got a very strange message on myspace. Some girl messages me, claiming that her friend is interested in me (based completly on my myspace page...). Ok, so I got to her page, checked her out - and I know nothing about this girl's personality, but based on looks it's everything I don't like. Blonde, weighs about 6 pounds, taking off her clothes in her pictures. She doesn't even look real. I took a look at her picture, and compared it side by side with a picture of...another girl. The blonde's picture, I can't see it any way but two dimensional. Like a painting - in other words, not real. I looked at the other girl's picture - and immedietly it jumps off the page - a real smile, a real body, almost an earthy-ness. A woman, not a work of art. A woman with depth and substance, instead of a nice looking, but hollow and fragile vener. Even down to the shadows - this was got me the most. In the pictures of the not-fake-girl, you see her shadow going away from her - and once you notice that the picture truely jumps off the page, and it honestly looks almost as if she was leaning towards you. The fake-girl - no shadows. At all. And it looks completly flat.Â


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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for March 13, 2006
DATE: 03/13/2006 21:09:50
STATUS: publish
BODY:
What a day - and what a finish.

Got up this morning, went to Herb's. The events of the day were a little lackluster, but just seeing Matt again was kewl. We went by the high school, saw so underclassmen band peoples, and then went back to his place and chilled for a couple hours. I came home, grabbed a bite to eat, and then went to rehersal with Once Broken, which went pretty well. Basically, all I expected from the day.Â

But then I get home. I open the car door, step outside, look up at the sky, and my jaw hits the floor. What I see it absoultly beautiful. The clouds were literally at treetop level. An increadibly bright full moon back-lighting them. The few stars bright enough to outsine the moon dotten the sky behing the enourmous clouds. I could have sworn to you than one huge cloud was coming straight at me.Â

It was so simple. Something natural that probably occurs in some form or fashion every night. But I'm usually already inside before it happens. And tonight, it's beauty caught me off guard. I thought about the only thing that could make the night better was to come in and have a nice conversation with Erin - which I happen to be doing right now - thus I'll wrap this blog up. PEACE




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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for March 11, 2006
DATE: 03/10/2006 23:13:27
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Such an odd night - such an odd mix of emotions. Recent events had kinda begun to overwhelm me. I just had that feeling again - that there was something I had to say, and I had no idea how to say it. An emotion that refused to be purged. If anything, I would have thought that a happy image - an happy thought - would have shaken me out of it. Would have gotten my mind off the way I felt - so that I could view my emotions with something of a clear head.

But, lo and behold, it is an increadibly sad image, an increadibly poignant moment in history, that cleared my head. (and there's no doubt in my mind that God had a hand in me finding that t.v. show - never ceases to amaze me that He always knows what I need)Â

Boudicca. A Briton queen - celtic warrior from abour 250 B.C. in modern-day Brittan. Her people were horribly oppressed by the Roman empire. The invading Romans cared little for the population that was already on the islands, except for what labor and goods they could provide for the empire. The proud celtic nations...a culture that has always had a strange allure to me. Beautiful mythos, mysteries that science to this day cannot unravel, and an aesthic sense that few would debate was far superior to the austere Romans.Â

Boudicca gathers an army. A massive army. An army built on the principles and morals of tribal warfare of the Britons. A moral code the outnumbered Roman Legions don't abide by.Â

Boudicca is destroyed, her army routed in the Midlands - currently the middle region of England.  A wagon train - the supplies, and tragically, the civilians and children from Boudicca's army including women and children - lies to the rear of the Celtic army's lines. The Romans do not spare it. Following the battle, the Roman Legions seek out all those loyal to Boudicca and allt he Celts in the region, punishing, selling into slavery, or kiling them all. Even emperor Nero finds the leader of the Roman detachment in Britain's actions to be overly harsh, and a year after the climatic battle he is relieved of duty. But this only makes the destruction of Boudicca's army all the more tragic. The leaders in Rome found it too harsh - yet they made no attempt to help or even offer aid to the starving Celtic populations. After the destruction of Boudicca's army, there is no more serious resistance by the Celts against the Roman's - it is, in a sense, the death of Briton culture.Â

History does not record what happened to Boudicca. Most believe she and her warrior daughters poisioned themselves. Whatever the case, this great figure has faded into history.

It saddened me increadibly to watch this on television. Just a re-enactment on a television show of events that occured 2240 years before I was born, and it hit me pretty hard. But, as saddened as I was, it still felt as though a weight had been lifted off me. Suddenly, the recent events in my life didn't seem so imposing - so monopolizing of my thoughts. I had some clarity - or at least enough clarity to figure it out.Â




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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for March 08, 2006
DATE: 03/07/2006 21:41:27
STATUS: publish
BODY:
I had an honest to goodness good day - for the first time in a long, long time.Â

Had a test in sightsinging that I had done exactly zero perperation for. Ended up doing quite well. Had to sing in class voice in German, which I had also not prepared for. Turns out that we didn't go over my song today - but we ended up briefly talking about it right as time ran out, and I managed to look like I knew what I was talking about. Got let out early from Symphonic Band 'cus Tully wasn't there, Josh Hinkle ran practice.  Lessons with Bailey went really well - just basically went over Misty for my recital tommorow. Then, after lessons, went to Cino to meet up with Erin.Â

Alright, for those of you who don't know - I'm talking about Erin Scher. One of the band equipment managers, so I had seen her around for some time. Was vaguely aquainted with her. Then I saw a poem on her myspace page, and was very impressed. From there a dialouge opened up, and we started IM'ing. We decided to meet up at Cino to discuss my political theories - something that had come up in our Aim discussions.Â

So, straight after lessons, I go to Cino to meet up with her.Â

Ended up talking for two hours about politics and theology - most of which we agree on, and the rest we had the best debate I've had since Herb went to Anapolis about. Anyway, she had to go to work, I came to my dorm, chilled for a bit - then she got online (while she was at work!), we just chatted for a bit, then she said she wanted to take a walk, I offered her company - so we've spent the last three hours walking around campus and talking.Â

I've had my first in depth political conversation since starting at Coastal - my first indepth philosophical conversation since starting at Coastal - my first in depth theological conversation since moving in at Coastal. I am a very happy camper. I can't remember the last time I had something open-ended in my life. Something where I went "I wonder what will happen next." The girl called me out on the Gene Roddenberry influence on my political theory!! She is the first person to so much as hint at that - and she nailed it! I am one happy camper. I'll keep you posted. PEACE




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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for March 06, 2006
DATE: 03/06/2006 14:12:24
STATUS: publish
BODY:
This is purely an entry for my own sake. A theory I have been working on for several weeks, but an idea I have been kicking around for several years. For those of you you regularly keep up with my blogs, don't feel the need to read this on in it's entierty - or even at all. I'm merely writing it down(err...typing it) so that I don't forget it.

---

---

---

I suppose it's time I start putting my political theories in tangible form (as tangible as an internet blog can be). It's something of a manifesto - a theory that has at it's core the fact that it is eventually intended to be put into motion. The closest description I can come up with is an Anarchist Manifesto. No, not the skater punks drawing anarchy signs on school property. A manifesto for the return of individual free will.

---

The genesis of my theory is what I refer to as "the line." That is, "the line" of what is left to the individuals to decide and what is enforced by the government. To extend the metaphore, the passage of new laws "moves the line." The line can be extended indefinatly to the side of the government - for instance certian times during Communist Russia or Totalitarian governments. Then, in theory, the line could be extended indefinatly to the side of the individual. However, in the past, these kinds of movements - i.e. utopian communities or self-sufficient communes - have invariably failed. The question then becomes "why?" What is wrong with them. I believe I have begun to uncover the answer to that question.



There have been two basic kinds of liberal movements - one's that saw "the big picture," but neglected the fact that you can't just jump straight there - and one's that saw only the single issue that mattered to them.

My theory in it's most basic form is to slowly take away the restraints of government - one restriction at a time - give the masses time to adjust, get comfortable with the new environment, give them fair warning, and then remove another.

The ultimate idea is based on individual choice and individual thought - that every person would be governed as little as possible, would be, not only allowed, but capable of making their own decisions as to how to live their life - the only restriction being when it hurts someone else. Thus the "education" would have to include respect of individuals and respect of life.  The idea is that the "education" (in this sense being any form of training someone to form their own thoughts) would allow everyone to function in society. The education would not be designed to give any answers, but to give the ability to find answers.

The society would also be devoid of the concept of property - an idea that would also have to be brought on slowly. It would essentially be what is now refered to as "socialist" - but there is such a stigma on that word I hesitate to use it. I have done significantly less theorizing in this regard. Specificially, missing from the theory is the means to slowly come about a property-less society.Â

I've also, more recently, been toying with this idea I have recently dubbed a "meta-society" - something that could only exist in a socialist society. Sans wages, with basic needs provided for all - people working soely for the goodm and furtherment of society. Inventors creating, not for persoal gain, but for everyone. The idea that if everything is public domain, everyone is free to use, or improve on everything - and then share these innovations with people who might then expand on them further. A currenty microcosm of this idea is Wikipedia and related "wikis."Â

I have had a couple very interesting conversations about this theory with Herbaugh and a few others. I will likely eventually post these conversations in their entierty or the relevant portions as "primary source material" of sorts.Â

I suppose that's enough for now. If you've read the entire article - don't you have anything better to do with your time?? I'm just joking - please, let me know what you think. This is not the theory in it's entierty, but just about all I can remember for now. As I said, I am simply posting it for my sake, so I don't forget it - especially at this stage when I am just begining to "work the kinks out."Â


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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for March 06, 2006
DATE: 03/06/2006 06:23:38
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Wow, freaky couple of dreams last night.Â

In one, I'm at home. I'm aware of the fact that soon, we are selling the house and most of the furniture and moving to someplace near the coast (perhaps even oceanfront).We are moving very soon, perhaps that day, however, we are not currently in the process of preparing.  I'm also aware of the fact that it is Saturday, and that my bass recital is approaching.  I see a car pull up in the yard and a window roll down - and suddenly I remember filling out a time slot for rehersal with Mark Bernezolli to accompany my on my bass recital - I remember telling him to meet me at our new house at the beach. I do not find it odd in the dream that he does house calls, or that there is somehow going to be a piano at wherever we are going. I go outside to tell him that we have not moved yet, and it is unlikely I will be able to reherse today. We reschedual, he seemes satasfied, if a little perturbed, and drives off. It's then that I realize the piece I'm playing at my recital is for solo, unaccompanied bass.



----

The other dream is the really wierd one. I'm in a setting that resembles the old Loris Middle School - the one I went to middle school in. I'm aware of the fact that it is a collegiate setting - even though it physically resembles my old middle school, I know I'm here to go to college. We are in an auditorium - at an assembly. I do not hear the exact words being spoken, but at the end of the assembly, everyone is on edge. The "free internet" contract that was supposed to accompany our tuitution costs has been broken - now we are being charged for the internet we've used, as well as having the privacy clauses of the contract broken, and now our personal buisness on the internet could become public domain.Â

There are several smaller meetings across the school to determine the ins and outs of what exactly has happened, and what will be expected of us. I remember a math formula - I remember it being very simple, yet despite having it explained to me several times I still didn't quite understand it.Â

The company that had the contract was Carvin - a company that, in reality, is not an ISP, but a guitar manufacturer.

Eventually, me and my friend (I do not remember who the person is) determine that we have to call the company and set up private meetings to determine how the changes effect us. We meet in a cafateria like area - it does not seem to be in the school where the auditorium was. While we are discussing what may go on when we meet with the corperation, I go to the bathroom. The bathroom is very odd - several things are broken or in disrepair - but the room does not look broken down or dirty - instead it is very sanitary and would have been a nice bathroom, but for the broken toilets and pipes leading to nowhere. The urinal I'm using - the wall to my right hangs over, forcing me to lean to the left - and the urinal is far higher than normal, forcing me to stand on the tips of my toes. Several other people enter and exit the bathroom while I'm am there.

Once I leave the bathroom, my friend's girlfriend has arrived - I'm aware of the fact that I think my friend could "do better" than this girl, and that she's very annoying to me. She is removing condoms from a shopping bag to put in her purse - I gag.

She asks me if I need any and tosses me some - I throw them back with a "no thanks." She misses and they hit the floor. I leave to go on my meeting with Carvin. But something happens in the intermitten time and I miss the meeting (I don't remember exactly what happened.) And the last thing I remember form the dream is coming back home, wondering what to do next.Â


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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for March 05, 2006
DATE: 03/04/2006 22:44:32
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Found this on the profile of an aquaintance. Of course, it's depressing - but the end is interesting to me. There's that glimer of hope - the light at the end of the tunnel - and yet, there's also the reminder that...for right now...you're still in the tunnel.

I am a journeyman whose path is fallen before his feet

along with the world.

It inhibits me and keeps me from my way.

And so the North wind will blow it's icy breath

upon my face and neck, trying still to deter,

I shall press on.

And as the rain comes, and winds blow.

the trees weep

and I wonder as they weep upon me,

do they weep for me?

Is my heart sunk so low as to sadden the very roots I walk o'er?

Then, as I wear on, my mind slips to what was,

As I care for others and give of myself,

why should it be so that the world give none to me,

and as I give to myself, some joy of friendship,

the world, being discontented, yells to object it,

and return me to caring for others,

when it is MY soul that needs care most of all.

I am but a strong soul grown weary in searching,

searching for someone to care for me,

as I have cared for the world.

As I find someone to walk with,

who will lighten my heart,

enraged souls of no matter interject

and tear apart what may have been

but never came to pass.

And so I walk, and dream,

that I will have my joy,

and because of ignorance or indifference,

the world shall not deny me,

and I will know joy again.



-----

I have no idea if she wrote the poem, or found it from somewhere else.Â

-----------

edit - May 18, 2006

I have since found out she did in fact write the poem herself.Â




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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for March 04, 2006
DATE: 03/04/2006 00:26:01
STATUS: publish
BODY:
What can I say other than "when will I learn?" Nothing I can write here - nothing worth writing here. Just life repeating itself. I don't even think there's really anything noteworthy to add - it's just been a while, and I thought it was time for a new page.

-----------



I debut my arrangement of Misty for solo bass in three days at recital class.

My new Carvin bass should be here in about 2 weeks.

Spring break is next week.

The love life is non-existent.




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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for February 27, 2006
DATE: 02/27/2006 05:51:23
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Latest entry in my dream journal.



This one is not very clear. I remember being in something resembling my house, although I don't think I really thought of it as my house. I could see down a corridor to where my mother's room is, just like the view form my living room, but the room I was in was not my living room. I was there with someone else, trying to find something on the internet. We were trying to find out something about a person - I don't believe we were trying to locate the person, I believe we were trying to find information out about the person. The other person shows me a site called "Japanese High School Face Book" - which at first glance appears to be simply a high school, Japanese version of Facebook.com. But, when I try and investigate more into the site, it turns out to be a porn site. We continue searching the web.

Later on, my mother calls me into her room, with my laptop sitting in front of her with my internet history pulled up, asking what kind of sites I had been on. She doesn't believe me when I tell her I had no idea what "Japanese High School Face Book" really was - and that's when I notice, of all people, Erich in the room with us.Â



And that's the last of the dream I can remember




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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for February 11, 2006
DATE: 02/10/2006 22:19:09
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Blatantly stolen from my friend, Tammy Lawson - who in all likelyhood stole it from someone else, 'cus it's been floating around the 'net for years. Enjoy.Â





North vs. South



The North has coffee houses,

The South has Waffle Houses .



The North has dating services,

The South has family reunions.



The North has switchblade knives,

The South has Lee Press-on Nails .



The North has double last names,

The South has double first names.



The North has Indy car races,

The South has stock car races.



The North has Cream of Wheat,

The South has grits.



The North has green salads,

The South has collard greens.



The North has lobsters,

The South has crawfish.



The North has the rust belt,

The South has the Bible Belt.



FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH . . .



In the South: If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a

four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't

try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.



Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store....do

not buy food at this store.



Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all y'all's" is

plural possessive.



Get used to hearing "You ain't from round here, are ya?"



Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use

it.



Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't

understand you either. The first Southern statement to creep into a

transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big'ol," truck or

big'ol" boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this

way. All of them are in denial about it.



The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.



Be advised that "He needed killin" is a valid defense here.



If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this," you should stay

out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.



If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest

accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store.

It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go

there.



Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns, they

are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim



In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is

to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.



AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think

we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the

oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits.




-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tammy
DATE: 02/27/2006 22:07:55
I love being copied...I got it in an email
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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for February 10, 2006
DATE: 02/10/2006 00:05:44
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Alright, I'm not sure I really know how to go about this...

I'm not even sure I want to write this entry, but I don't know how not to - if that makes any sense. Like when my muse is talking to me - there's no way not to make music. Well, right now I don't know how I could not at least try and put this into words. Calm down, it's nothing spectacular, just a feeling that's been bugging me and won't go away.

My emotions have been on a rollercoaster lately - and the emotions themselves don't bug me so much as my inability to control them. There's this moment - this lack of control - when a thousand emotions come rushing in at the same time. And then I realize what a whiny little bitch the voice inside my head sounds like - even to me - and try to stem the flow. I know it's probably not healthy to stop my emotions from coming out, but something about thinking "I love you" about every passing female seems not to be too healthy, either. I find myself going "...what the fuck are you talking about?" to the voice in my head way too often.Â

The pain in the ass is that, I don't know what's the real deal anymore. Half the time I'm too cynical for my own good. I've been burned, and I've burned myself - so now I just don't trust anyone! I've had females do me wrong, and I've gotten attached for absoultly no good reason - so maybe everyone really does hate me. And then half the time I'm way too open. Maybe I've been too hard on myself. I've thought people were pissed at me before. Hell, people have had damn good reason to be pissed at me, and they forgave me. I can't think of too many times when anyone has really hated me, no matter how much I deserve it. Maybe everyone really does like me.Â

Kinda makes finding the truth a little difficult. I'm thinking about this in the context of romantic interest - because that's kinda been my ltimus test for so long now - but it really applies to everything - friendships, love interest, whatever. Thinking about it in the context of a relationship is almost a controled experiment...because I damn near already know the outcome - since statistically it's got to be aproaching zero percent by now.Â

And there you see it - I started this article pissed, and now I'm all sad. Such has been my life for damn near as long as I can remember. There is no middle ground - no "controled" release of the emotions. What I would give for dissociative identity disorder. Jjust live my professional life - my school and my music - and keep all this emotional stuff in another identity.Â







~~~~~~

BTW - just as a side note - society was starting to grow a while back.Â

There was the Inquisition. Took hundreds of lives and countless shattered homes before a couple people figured out they had it all wrong.

Then there was Salem, Massachusetts. Took several girls being executed and damn near caught the whole country onto the bandwagon before people realized what they were doing. It almost did catch the whole country - and there were a couple isolated, smaller similar incidents following the witch trials.

Everyone remember what the Red Scare was? (yea, I know you don't actually remember going through it - but you learned about it, right?) Right, society got all caught up in something that wasn't there - and wasn't scary in the first place. So what - there were, and still are, Communist sympathasizers in America - doesn't mean you have to end the careers of half the brass in Washington. But, eventually, America realized that, once again, it had gotten caught up in the riot mentallity, and stopped short of massivly fucking up the country.

It had taken a couple hundred years, but society had hope. Maybe, just maybe, people were going to start thinking for themselves.





....





And then George W. Bush got into office. And the riot mentallity has fucked up two countries, who knows how many families that lost loved ones in combat, and half the world that wasn't already pissed at us now hates America. Way to go America - you're officially worse than the Spanish Inquisition - because you should have known better.Â




-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tammy
DATE: 02/10/2006 12:40:25
So, why would your litmus for relationships? Wouldn't in theory they always fail until you meet the one you are going to marry (possibly even two or three "THE ONES")? You need to see how your relationships are by judging your friendships. I like the comment about bush though.
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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for February 07, 2006
DATE: 02/06/2006 21:40:53
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Alright, story of the moment.

For those of you who don't know, the indoor percussion ensamble here at CCU - Epiphany - was forced to alter it's show because of copyright issues. Two of the songs quote "Jump" by Van Halen, and the group refused to sell us the rights to arrange and perform the piece. Now, technically there's no law against a non-profit orginization arranging and performing the piece, provided we don't sell the arrangement or make money on it's performance. But, apparently "playing it safe" in light of the legal system's "inventing of laws" of late, the leaders of Epiphany decided to rewrite the last two movements.Â

Now then, this past Saturday, I was sitting in a Master Class with Steve Bailey and the rest of the bass studio. I related to him the same story I just related to you. He came to the same conclusion I did - that technically there's no law against it. And then he added, "...and why wouldn't they want their music to be done in a way that no one else has ever done it??...I'll have to talk to Micheal about that."

Now, it took me a minute to realize just what he ment by that last part. Then it dawned on me - he ment Michael Anthony, THE BASSIST FOR VAN HALEN!!!Â

It's good to have networking...




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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for February 02, 2006
DATE: 02/01/2006 22:21:50
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Well, I came to an interesting realization tonight ("tonight" meaning at one in the morning, shortly before writing this). For all the crap I give CCU, the music department is definatly very immersing. You just get caught up in it - I guess because it's hard not to have at least met every single music major at a school this small (music and musical theater majors combined barely crack 100). But I digress. The realization I had is that I don't even know what's going on in popular music right now.Â

 I've been so caught up in good music - or at least medicore music - that I completly missed pop music over the last several months. I forgot it existed. I haven't even glimpsed TRL while channel-surfing in the last 6 months. I was talking an aquaintence yesterday (I guess technically now it's "the day before yesterday") about a show she saw in Columbia where a chamber orchestra-like ensamble played Aphex Twins and Frank Zappa covers - how cool is that?!!?? Yea, there's alot of things wrong with CCU, but just the simple fact of living on campus and majoring in music has drenched me in so much music that I haven't had the need to listen to crappy music. It's the little things like this that keep me going. My muse finally awoke from her long slumber - she has yet to get around to saying anything creative to me, but at least she's awake.
-----
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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for January 31, 2006
DATE: 01/31/2006 16:45:28
STATUS: publish
BODY:

Alright, I just really had to post this quote when I found it on the net. My all-time favorite Family Guy quote. No entry tonight - just a good laugh.



 "Oh Lois, you are so full of (FCC agent blows an air horn to censor Peter). What! Now I can't say (horn) in my own (horn) house? (horn) great Lois, just (horn) great! You know you're lucky you're good at (horn) my (horn), or I'd never put up with you. You know what I'm talking about, when you (horn) lubed up (horn) toothpaste in my (horn) while you (horn) on a cherry (horn) Episcopalian (horn) extension cord (horn) wetness (horn) with a parking ticket. That is the best!"

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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for January 31, 2006
DATE: 01/30/2006 21:39:27
STATUS: publish
BODY:

If any of you are only reading for the latest events in my life, go ahead and skip this one. Herb, even you may find this one boring if you're looking for philosophies. This is another of those purely cathartic entries - more for my own benefit than for anyone else to read. Feel free to read it - just don't expect anything thrilling in this entry.

The overwhelming emotion I've had lately is one I haven't had in a long time - at least not in this context. Frustration. Rage. Fear. The kinds of emotions that make you beat your pillow and toss in your bed into you fall into a fitfull sleep.Â

Politics. I've keep myself, somewhat consciously, out of current events for about a year now. As I put it in a recent online convo, I got tired of watching the news. The stupidity gave me headaches and I went through too much headache medicine. But, recently, as it ineviteably happens, I've gotten back into politics and my social views. I think the catalyst was a dinner conversation with my mother. Nothing in my life has changed to the observer - the surface remains the same. But my intentions, my thought process, and therefore the way I react to certain situations, has changed profoundly.Â

I've come to a deeper understand recently of the importance of the core of issues rather than simply what effects they have...and I'll try and elaborate on that a little. For example, the ratification of a bill to legalize *insert issue here* means nothing if the populace doesn't really believe or understand the issues at hand. Thus, the most radical social reforms, no matter how well intentioned - even the ones I agree with in idealogy - were doomed to fail because they are always followed by a backlash in the opposite direction. Â

So, then the question becomes how can social reforms be enacted? The answer lies in the populace. In a sense, in education - but not necessarily restricted to schools. Education in the sense that social reforms must be learned more than enforced or won over in political elections.  Think back to the great social movements in American history. The American Revolution was a slow and gradual angering that finally came to a head. Note, however, that the final action - the Revolutionary War, was merely the end result, and that the people involved had time to understand the issue and believed in it with all their being. And in this, I believe that the will to fight is stronger than the will to die. The soldiers in the American Revolution were not ready to die - they would make that sacrifice if it was asked of them, but it was not something anyone in their right mind could be prepared for. I am not simply talking about a fear of death - I'm talking about the fact that these men were not prepared for it - went into battle thinking more of their bonnie-lass at home than the glories of war. Compare that to the scene in Iraq, where the media - and very near correctly-so - speaks of the "gallant soldier" prepared to give his life for our country.Â



And as a side note, might I add that it is precisely these kinds of attrocities that caused America to succede from Brittan in the first place. If America, in all it's techonlogical glory, were half as socially conscious as it was 300 years ago, New England would have become independant decades ago. Yea, even New England, the land I so pine for, the political center of America, has it's head buried in the sand.



But political reform is not the only reason I feel such frustration, although I suppose every reason could be traced back to that.  The fact that the "globalization" of the world has not affected the cultural prejudice in the world in the slightest. Even more than that - I am extremely frustrated at the language barrier that still stands in the world. I will never be able to communiate freely with someone in a country as culturally similar to my own as German because I don't, and never will, be able to fluently speak the language. I have friends in Germany and one in Norway, a couple aquaintices in France, and two friends with family who speak different langauges (Korean and Spanish), and I will never be able to truely communicate with these people. Sure, they do what they can to talk to me in English, and when I can I relate the few ideas I know in their native tongue - but that's not true communication. That's not the earth-changing ideas I really want to discus with them.  Case in point, I could never relate an article such as this to them. In the case of all but one or two of them, it would likely go beyond their understanding of English, and it would definatly go beyond my understanding of their language to translate.  The entire world is tripping over itself - each country having to discover things their other has known for generations, because people cannot freely exchange ideas. Imagine what the world could accomplish if everyone could communicate with everyone??Â

For instance - Wikipedia, my number one source for information, currently has 945,000 articles in English. But all these articles have to be written by English-speakers, and each article in each language has to be created or translated by someone who speaks that langauge. If the entire world could work on but one version of Wikipedia, then the total work - numbering over 3.6 million articles - would be avaiable to everyone. Yea, I know the logic has a small fallacy in that many of the articles are mere word-for-word translations of the same article in another language - but many are culturally specific and only in the original language.Â

Point being, why must it be accepted as "the way things are" that the world is seperated into langauges?? And don't give me the rhetoric about the Tower of Babel. Languages were created because man got overly ambitious towards the Heavens before he understood what it was he was getting into. If God has allowed man to travel into space (much higher than the Tower), then it must be accepted that the paradigm has changed. I'm not saying I have the answer to my problem, I'm merely identifying it and saying that it shouldn't be accepted.Â

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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for January 28, 2006
DATE: 01/28/2006 17:48:50
STATUS: publish
BODY:

This rant was on the old Buddy4u page, but I'm kinda in a melancholy mood and I got reminded of this, so I decided to repost it here.



I wish I was warm. It’s a very ironic thing – that the body heat of another person does not warm you so much on the physical level as the emotional.

Sure, I could crawl under the covers. But I wouldn’t be warm. I’d be comfortable. Nice, safe, secure – normal. Boring.

It’s annoying. I blame myself, and yet I wonder what I could have done any differently. If I’m missing something, please tell me. I don’t get it. Why do I feel so unfulfilled, and yet feel as if I’ve done everything I could? Isn’t the effort enough to satisfy me?

And even as I ask that question I know the answer – and I know that it should be enough. But it isn’t. The knowledge that I’ve “tried” will keep me nice, safe and secure. It won’t keep me warm.

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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for January 27, 2006
DATE: 01/27/2006 12:52:36
STATUS: publish
BODY:

Those of you who have ever gotten advice from me - or that know about my middle school years - probably know I have a tendency not to stress about things I can't change. I have recently noticed that - when I take a step back - I worry about very strange things. There's a logic to it, but it is nonetheless very odd. The things I worry about are so seemingly insignificant to the things I just don't give much thought to.

Alright, I guess I had better get to the events before I start analyzing them - put the horse before the cart, so to speak. Last night I got dinner with mom, and our waitress was a girl I haven't seen in almost a year - haven't had a conversation with in many years. Jennifer Bell. Me and mom always have the most interesting, involved conversations - so, while it was good to see her again, I didn't think much of it, until mom gets up for a minute and Jennifer comes and sits across from me. If I hadn't happened to notice her walking in my direction, looking at the seat across from me, it would have completly shocked me. We do the whole catching up thing - how's your life, where are you going to school, ect - and it really strikes me how much she's changed. Pretty soon, mom comes back, and breaks the reviere - but that little time with a girl that once-upon-a-time made my middle school years miserable has been on my mind since then. As a friend of mine once said, "things change after high school." I haven't been able to get in touch with Jennifer since then - don't know that I ever will.Â



And then another event - happened just minutes before I sat down to type this. Ashley and Christina come by my room - hanging with Morgan, and no one decided to tell me. That happens alot here lately. In the course of the conversation, I say that "Me and Kyle share a brain," a long running inside joke in our dorm. Christina looks at Ashley and says "That explains alot." [For those of you who don't know the story behind Ashley and Kyle, most of it is probably scattered about my buddy4u page, and let's just say there's history there]. Well, that stung. Alot. I don't think Christina ment to hurt me, but she didn't protest when I walked away. Sometimes I wonder just what is going on between those two girls' ears...and I wish they would just tell me how they feel about me. Why these games, huh?? Why does everyone play these games?? [segue into analysis].



Ever try to organize something, and get the feeling the other person/people are doing it out of pity?? They don't even try to hide their distaste? "Weren't we going to do something tonight?" "O...*sigh*...yea, sure, whatever." WHY! Why would anyone do that? It doesn't accomplish anything except either A) make the other person feel  even worse because you lied about it, or B) give them the wrong impression - and you really don't want either! So tell the truth, people! If you want someone to understand you - or even if you just don't want to hurt their feelings - "Tell the truth. There's less to remember."



But, the real point I wanted to write this is the realization that I seem to devote more time to thinking about things that seem insiginificant - like that one little statement from Christina or five minutes spent talking to a girl that used to treat me like crap, as opposed to school work or finances. And the only reason - the aforementioned "logic" - that I can come up with is that I worry about things I don't understand. I "understand" a Music Theory quiz - I may not know all the answers, but I know how it works. I answer a question, and it will either be correct or incorrect - points will be awarded or deducted, and a grade will be calculated. These things I worry about - the vast majority of the subject of these blogs - are things I don't understand. Paths I can't even see, much less know where they lead. Why I have been concerned with this conversation with Jennifer is less about the conversation itself, and more of the "why? What does it mean? What is it's signifiance? What do I do now?" Mostly the same with Christina's comment...onyl that one has a little extra baggage attached to it. The ironic thing about Christina's comment, is that it is Kyle who cheered me up (and I really did not want to be cheered up at that moment). As much as I know - or even as much as I think I know, life still baffles me...

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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for January 20, 2006
DATE: 01/20/2006 21:13:29
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Well, tonight was interesting. I died. About 17 times.

Ok, I just really wanted to say that. Actually, it was at Epiphany. At the beginning of "The Master Narrative" (the theme of our show), the entire group is "dead," splayed out across the mat. And, of course, we rehersed this section tons of times (including the biggest lie in all of the music buisness being said by Kurry - "One more time!"). So, after about a half hour of laying on a thin mat across cold concrete, laying in an uncomfortable position, and "coming to life" about 20 times, I have a kink in my neck of Biblical proportions.Â

However, there is an interesting, if poetically macabre, sidenote on that. There are two "couples" in the death scene. People who are in poses as if they "died together." Not really in each other's arms, just as if they fell together. (there are several other poses, and several people by themselves as well). I am one of the "couples," and the person I died with is a female mallet player named Elizabeth. There's just something poetic about that to me. Something beautiful about the thought of dieing with someone. I didn't say "nice," I didn't say "pretty" - I said poetic and beautiful. I don't know her - I didn't even know her name until about the tenth run-through when I introduced myself as "the person you are dieing with." She does happen to be a high school senior, and while I see something romantic as a remote possibility, that's not really what I'm interested in - not what I think when I see her. I just see a person, who happens to have a very poetic relationship to me. It's something I find intriguing, and certainly a break in the tedium of my day - especially seeing as I don't play a single note on bass in the first three movements of the show, and we're working on the beginning, which makes for very boring practices.



O, BTW - when I introduced myself as "the person you are dieing with," I then said "pleased to meet you," and she fired back with "pleased to die with you."Â



-PEACE
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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: Entry for January 20, 2006
DATE: 01/19/2006 21:52:41
STATUS: publish
BODY:

Just as a side note, hereafter, pages previously refered to as "News" are not refered to by the default Yahoo 360 name, "Entry for *date*"



Now, there have actually been events worth noting in the last few days. A friend of mine pointed me towards a local band named Once Broken who needed a bassist. Skeptical, I check them out, and lo and behold, an actual half-way decent band! Apparently the guitarist is the driving musical force, and while he's really good, it's pretty obvious the songs are the product of only one person. The chord progressions are simple, and there are some (albiet it few) mistakes in the solos that another good muscian wouldn't have let him get away with.

Now, that being said, that's just about the only bad thing I can say about this band. I love the feel, I love the message, and most of the songs are very well constructed - if a bit simplistic for me, who's used to uber-complex arrangements.

Alright, I probably just sounded like I really don't like the band - but I really, really do. It's just that in the last couple of hours of listening to the few songs I have on my computer, their few qualities I don't like are really noticable to me.

NEway - now that I've taken the long way around to this point - THE POINT of all this is that they are now looking at me as a possible bass player. They have practice this tuesday, and I'm planning on going to rehersal with them. I'm pretty stoked. I've been looking for something like this for a long time - and they're a Christian band, too!Â



SO

With that brewing, today I'm driving back and forth from my dorms to Conway, switching back to my normal vehicle (now with a working gas needle and fuel pump!), and I call Katherine Haines up while I'm driving down Main Street, we decide to go get a late lunch together since we'd both skipped lunch. It starts getting close to 5, and we decide to go by mom's office so she can tell mom about her A on her senior project, and I can talk to mom about my vehicle. Kat ends up getting talked into going to Refuge with me - which I have been "meaning to go to" for about 4 months now. And it was really cool. I'm not entierly sure I like the speaker (it seems a little like one of those "nice" churches, that doesn't get into the less attractive aspects of Christianity), but, he is apparently not the only pastor there - so who knows. I'm definatly intrigued, and I'm definatly going back at least once more. Saw the new bass player that's in symphonic band (ya know, I still don't know his name), and we had a pretty lengthy conversation about bass ( ). Katherine, who's had...suffice it to say a "crisis of faith" lately, actually enjoyed the service, and she wants to go back. .Â



So, the plot yet thickens. A...shall we say..."old friend" calls me up yesterday. Apparently her relationship is going sour. Now, me and her have a running discussion about something physical, but it has yet to pan out. Now, with her dating someone, obviously that physical relationship (or single event, whatever the case may be) is not going to happen. So, while I want her to be happy, whatever that may be, at the same time I want her to be single because that's the only way there will be something between us. But, I don't want to encourage her to break up - if she breaks up, good for me, but I will not have it being because of me. Which puts me in a very odd situation when it comes to giving her advice - I had to be very cautious when giving her advice that I didn't say anything colored by my own self interest.Â

You know (and if you didn't, then now you will) most of my counseling is intuitive. It's a little bit experience, alot of prayer, but most of it generally comes down to intuition (which is most likely due to the prayer). At the end of the convo, I felt the urge to tell her something - so, as usual, I just opened my mouth and the words came out. I heard myself asking her why she hide her wild side. She responded with the dead-give-away, female "I don't have a wild side - I'm a good girl." She tried to say it straight - and failed miserably. Where that's going, I have no idea. Honestly - at this very moment - I would say that getting her to open up, "embrace her inner wild-child," would be about the best outcome - anything physical would just be extra. I can only hope that I keep that outlook as this progresses and that it doesn't become purely physical for me - because I really wnat to see what this girl will be like once she lets her proverbial hair down.

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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: News 12/14/05
DATE: 01/17/2006 06:45:05
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Â

Alright, fair warning. This is probably gonna piss people off, because I haven't had the chance to sit down and word it all politicly correct-like... But damn it, when have I ever cared about political correctness. I stand by the idea, and I don't give a damn if yur offended by the terminology. If the concept offends you, then please contact me and let's talk about it, because I really have no intentions to offend anyone.

---

Alright, so I watched the movie Aeon Flux. The movie was mediocre, but that's not the point. The story of the movie was 1984-ish, but done better than that crap-ass book. NEway, point being the movie was about what happens when people fuck with DNA. Now, without getting into my philosophy on DNA research, the point is that the a key point in the movie was that a small gene pool will eventually self destruct.



So, remember that "wish upon a star" I was talking about? Well, I haven't had the chance to really think about it yet, but if tonight is any indication, "what I want" has something to do with interracial relationships.



Alright, so that didn't end up being as offensive as I thought it would... again, not the point.



Yes, I've found myself being attracted to black girls more often lately. I mean, I've always been attracted to pretty much any race - I could care less if yur white or black, asian, latina - all I see is yur personality...ok, so looks are a factor, too - I'm male, what do you want?



So, leaving the theater, I get to thinking about the movie, and lo and behold do I find I a link between genetics and interracial relationships. Alright, I've been hearlding the genetic benefits of interracial relationships for years, but it just kinda seemed to end there. Ok, so interracial babies are less likely to have genetic defects - I personally don't have a problem with interracial relationships - but just how far reaching is that information?



And I don't remember exactly why started praying, but thinking about the whole interracial thing (damn it, is there no better way to say that?) and how that might be "what I want"...and what the hell pops in my head but politics.

Alright, so I see the link - "what I want" leads to "interracial relationships" leads to "liberal thinking" leads to "politics," but damn is that one strange chain. So now I'm thinking about this strange brew, and praying about this, trying to sort out what God is trying to tell me.



You want me to be a politician?? You want me to give up my music carear to be one of the soul-sucking, back-biting corperate idiots I so despise?



Why not? Think about how much a "musical background" helped Slick Willy.



Alright, seriously, why would I want to give up music?



Well, why do you want to make your life about music so bad?



To touch people. The only language I really know. I can say so much more through music than I ever could through politics.



Yes! So, do exactly that. Take these "political ideas" and make something of them.



You want me to write a song about interracial relationships? Are you trying to get me lynched?



Not a song. I want your political ideas to be in your music.



You want me to be a protest singer??



Why not? Weren't your heros rebels and protest singers?



Yea, but not exactly the life I had in mind for myself...*sigh* Goodbye life of a rock star.



....



But you think this could work? Me, a political artist? And a religious artist?



O yes.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tammy
DATE: 01/17/2006 15:14:24
How could you possibly intend on playing music w/o allowing politics and religion influncing your music? It'd be denying so much of you. It's not possible for you. But weren't most of your heros relatively famous, so don't say good bye to life of a rock star just yet
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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: News 12/25/05
DATE: 01/17/2006 06:42:29
STATUS: publish
BODY:
 Yea, it's Christmas. But don't expect any Yuletide story here. Don't worry - my Christmas is carrying along as usual. Just not what I'm going to write about here.



Well, it should be established by now that I don't have a problem with interracial relationships. But, the majority of my experience is that my ideas are unique, even among others who accept interracial relationships. It seems the average person who likes people of other races only like people of one other race - i.e. a white girl that only likes black guys, or white guys that only like asian girls. I just don't see any color - I am pretty much equally attracted to any race. I have just never seen it as an issue.

But here's the kicker - my most recent observation. It seems if I'm attracted to a girl that isn't part of a subculture - ya know, that isn't goth or a "rocker-chick" - then she only likes black guys. I dunno that there's much else to say about it...except that when I told Quammie about this observation he said the next time I found a girl like that, introduce him!



NE way, right now it's just an observation. I'll keep you guys updated.
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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: News 12/26/05
DATE: 01/17/2006 06:41:58
STATUS: publish
BODY:
Â

Alright, as I'm writing this, technically it's still Christmas day, but it's a quarter 'till midnight, so it's getting a new News page. It is related to the News from the 25th, though.



For those of you actually read this profile, and don't talk to me often, this subject is probably seeming like an obsession. No, I'm not obsessed. It's just that I don't really know of many people I could talk about this with - so it gets written down here. I write about it alot because this is the only place I can think of to put down these thoughts.



NEway, to the point. I watched an episode of the Boondocks tonight. It was the episode on the trial of R. Kelly. It makes a mockery of the trial, completly misplacing african-american values. Of course, that's the point - and the ideas aren't completly unfounded, just blown completly out of proportion. NE way, one of the few voices of reason in the mock trial is the prosecutor. In the show, in a majority black room, his morality is destroyed when it is shown that he has married a white woman. In this mock trial, this completly turns the judge, jury and the room against him.

As the trial ends, and the show begins to wind down, it shows the prosecutor, defeated, trudging to his car outside the courthouse. A voice from behind him, apparently accusatory, "I told you about messing with them white women." The prosecutor turns, a look of suprise on his face turns soft as he sees it is, in fact, his wife - the sarcastic stern look fading into a warm smile.

Maybe it was the odd timing of this show and the things that I've bene thinking about lately - maybe it was the fact that the rest of the show was supremely annoying (I like that kind of sarcastic comedy, like SNL or MadTV, but I can only take it in small doses) - maybe it was the fact that this was such a calm "domestic" (see "Midnight" page) sceen - but something about that sceen that stuck out to me. I dunno that I have anything else to say about that - just thought I'd write it down for the sake of archiving.
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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: News 12/30/05
DATE: 01/17/2006 06:41:16
STATUS: publish
BODY:
 Well...

I've been to two "Table" gatherings since the last post...

I go to the gatherings, sit off to the side, of give back massage after back massage and never once get offered one in return. Don't get me wrong - I enjoy back m

assages, and I'll continue to freely give them expecting nothing in return. But, it would be nice for someone to offer once in a while - or to even feel like soneone would take me up on it if I asked. I don't do much - participate in none of the revelry, have few stories to share. The only thing I seem to be good for is playing music - yet I continually get invited even when there is no music to be played. My only interesting in going to William's party was to talk to Kyrsti, who I have no spoken to in months, and she spends most of the night on the phone.

I'm not saying I going to stop going - or that I want to stop being invited. I love those guys...it's just...odd.

See, every time when I go to leave (which is usualy one of the very few sentances I say all night - "I've got to leave.") I am immediatly bombarded with "What?" "Why are you leaving?" "You can't leave yet!" "Why so early?"

What do they really want me there for? They've seen it a hundred times - I come, and stand apart. Why is my leaving so important?

---

I've said in other News pages that I have recently realized just how well I have chosen my friends. I love that they care about me so much - I could easily blame myself for not making the few thing I dislike about the gathering's known (I don't, but I could see that argument as a possibility) - but those problems are there, and I find it hard to believe they have less fun without my presence. I could very easily distance myself from those guys - many of them rarely speak to me outside of the gatherings. I distances myself from much of my family - I would lose no sleep over friends. Except that there seems to be genuine care. Every time I think they've completly stopped caring, I find some reason to think they still may.
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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: News 12/31/05
DATE: 01/17/2006 06:40:37
STATUS: publish
BODY:
 Scheater5: Ehh, life's life. Seriously, the most exciting thing lately is discovering that soundtrack. Apparently Jason Larson (the writer of the origional play) thinks New York is the 21 century center of Bohemia....which bumps it up a few notches on my "places I my live after college" list

respected_but_rejected: haha. just because it's the acknowledged center of bohemia?

respected_but_rejected: weird

Scheater5: But of course. Seems perfect - I eiter want to spend my life in a city or a commune - and since there's no country I feel does Socialism right, a Bohemian life in a city would be as close to perfect as I'm gonna get

respected_but_rejected: well, if you put it that way, it sounds pretty convincing

Scheater5: Seems like a life you could get into. Picaso was something of a Bohemian, right? With the first Bohemian movement in the 19th century - the birth of the term "Starving artist"

respected_but_rejected: i guess? yeah, i defenitely wouldn't mind city life though. i hate, well, not really hate, but i don't like to be outdoors..unless i'm playing a sport

Scheater5: I have come to appreciate the outdoors growing up on a farm, but I don't want to live in the country. Last night I was at a gathering at William Vaughts house - looking up at the sky, I said "There's only one thing I'm going to miss." Several people asked "Where are you going?" or "What are you going to miss." But one got it - "the stars....where are you going to live??" "Someplace with alot of lights."

respected_but_rejected: yeah, that was one thing i noticed about out here. the stars are one hell of alot clearer than they are in the city or even in the suburbs. see, i had this glaring orange light outside of my window when i lived there, and all i could see was the moon, and that was through the leaves of the white oak outside my 2nd story window

Scheater5: You should see it from my house - far enough from either Aynor or Conway that there's not alot of lights from the towns, and no light in the yard. Even at my father's house - which is out in the boonies, we have a big light in the yard, so the stars are clearer at my house even than out at dad's.

respected_but_rejected: yeah, they aren't as clear here as they were at that nasty old apartment... if you stood in the shadow of that remodled farmhouse, it was just perfect. and actually, your first statement sounded very poetic. just wanted to tell you that.

Scheater5: Which one? "someplace with alot of lights"?

respected_but_rejected: nah, just the way you wrote the whole situation

Scheater5: ahh - but you were talking about that message?

respected_but_rejected: uh huh

respected_but_rejected: hey, is it raining where you are?

Scheater5: Thank you - It was a poetic moment. And it was suprising who the person was that got it.

~

respected_but_rejected: i need one more good paragraph on the structure of DNA...possibly a conclusion paragraph

respected_but_rejected: help me out, muse

Scheater5: lol - that's likely the highest praise I have ever recieved.

~

[00:02] Scheater5: The witching hour is upon us, and my bed beckons

[00:02] respected_but_rejected: good morning, muse.

[00:03] Scheater5: Good morning, future Bohemian
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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: News 1/16/06
DATE: 01/15/2006 21:56:08
STATUS: publish
BODY:

Well, this is going to be one of those entries that's more or a journal entry than an actual News page. There hasn't been anything really noteworthy worth noting in terms of events or happenings - more or a feeling

I have only in the last day or so began to deal with my feelings over my recent rejection. For the first few days it was "I saw this coming, so it shouldn't hurt," believing that if I kept telling myself this then I would be alright. Well, it hurts. I don't care how far away you saw it coming, rejectino hurts - or at least it does if you honestly like the girl. Yea, we're really good friends and that's dangerous in a relationship, and yea she's most likely transfering school in the fall, so it makes the most logical sense for us to stay as just friends - but since when does love make sense?? And my emotions certainly don't give a damn if it makes sense or not - it hurts, and that's all my emotions see.Â



I caught myself the other day seeing the point of being a monk. I thought "maybe I should just remove myself from the distraction of chasing love." Not only did I refer to love as a "disctraction," I didn't think "finding love," or "catching love," I thougt "chasing love" - as if to imply that I would never do anything more than chase this mythological idea, nothing real, nothing I could ever actually attain. And for a split-second I actually believed that.  Like a torture victim in 1984 who finally declares that he "Loves Big Brother!" I have never, nor do I know, believe that love is simply an idea - and that split-second I did scares the crap out of me now.Â

Tonight, I went out to eat with a crowd from school. I have often, while driving home, contemplated just driving around to think - but inevitably I will just go home and forget about it, or deal with it later.  And I don't know if this means anything to anyone else, but to me it's significant that tonight, the stuff on my mind was enough that before I went to the house, I drove around the block to think - and remember, this is the boonies, so a block is pretty damn big....

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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: News 1/6/06
DATE: 01/15/2006 10:11:55
STATUS: publish
BODY:
 I don't think the realization of the era that had come to an end hit me until tonight. I understood my maturation, I understood graduation...but there was an air, an atmosphere - an aura - about the last few years which has also ended, that I didn't grasp until tonight.

I was watching the All-County senior band concert, when I realized I hadn't seen or heard from Shamaria in a long time - so my eyes instinctively turned to the first chair baritone, and I was suprised not to find her.



I scanned the crowd, and could have sworn I saw Katie's hair.



I realized the extent of the era when I noticed a flautist with her eyes closed and her head turned just so, and I could swear it was Nicole Martinez. Not Jennifer - Nicole.



I found myself looking for Alex in the trombone section, and suddenly realizing that it was all male - save Catherine Carrell.



I was startled to see Adam in the audience, and his long-time gf on stage - they're supposed to be together!!....



Or, at least, they were. Just as me, and Katie, and Catherine and Alex, and all the rest of our old crowd used to belong on that stage. It's unfortunate that good things have to fall to the sands of time in the way of progress and people's lives. I have said before that I would not give up my life for a past I have already lived - and I stand by that - but I have only now realized just how much I have lived.
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AUTHOR: scheater5
TITLE: News 1/12/06
DATE: 01/13/2006 13:37:46
STATUS: publish
BODY:
 Well, there's actually been some recent events worth noting. The spring semester has begun, so it's back to the grindstone. I think I have lessons tommorow, and Bailey is gonna kick my butt 'cus I slacked off all break.

NEway, I would like to report the first official rejection of the semester. I don't want to say alot about it here, because apparently the walls have ears (and mouths) around here - and because I have alot of mixed emotions about it, but I bear her no ill will and I don't want her to get the wrong impression should she read this. Yea, I'm not happy about it, but life goes on. She's still a good friend, and I'm very glad of that.

My roomate officially makes me sick! Today (well, technically "yesterday," since it's 1:30) at EB Games, after spending an hour browsing and making small talk with a female employee, he gets her to agree to go to the movies with him! It didn't end up working out, but I doubt Kyle will just let that one slide.

As for the future of my love life - I'm not out of the game yet. There's nothing in the forseeable future, but there are a few things I'm still feeling out - seeing where they lead. One girl I've been distantly interested in for some time now came back from winter break looking much more mature - and much more interesting. I know women don't like to be told they've "put on weight" - but she put it on in all the right places, and now has a much curvier, much more womanly figure. And then there's a female that potentially something physical will come out of, but I'm not sureI even want that, in addition to it being a very precarious situation - so, in all likelyhood, it's not worth the risk. And then there's a girl, who as of yet remains an enigma. I have only seen her in public, and only just today. Never met her - never saw her before. However, those of you who know me know of the elusive "dark" quality I am attracted to that I have such trouble articulating just what "it" is. Well, she possess it. And in spades. Regardless, I intend to meet her - and see where the path leads with no pre-conceptions. Sorry I can't be more explicit than that - but since I have not commitied any actions to these plans, I will not commit anything to tangible form just yet. Like I said - the walls have ears...and mouths.

Which of course, bring me back to the subject of my most recent rejection. To whoever reads this - I know I didn't exactly make that whole situation a secret, but it was a fairly private and fragile matter, and I only asked one person to say anything to her. So please, in the future, keep my confidiences. I only ask you to keep things under wraps when I feel it's important - and I can't help but wonder what would have happened had she not gotten the story first from third-parties, and instead heard it first from me. I care not what rumors are spread about me - smear my name across campus - I'm used to it. But other people are involved here. People I care about.

Perhaps, another time, I will account for you my first day of a new semester, and the most core classes I've ever had in one day...perhaps not. As for now, my bed beckons. Damn 8:30 classes. Auf wiedersehen.



-PEACE
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